Valentine's, Friends and More

True friends are those who loves you for who you are regardless of where you came from and who you were. True friends are those who accepts you, supports you and understands you even if they don't exactly understand but because they know you are happy, they won't say anything about it and because they trust you. True friends are those you can share anything and everything to regardless of what it may be. True friends are those who tell you things you need to hear and not what you want to hear.

So my domain blog is down :| I'm going to find another reliable host. My host used to be such a great host until late last year :(

Anyway, I'm going to tell you guys about my Valentine's. I'm single and I had no plans last Monday. But I couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate my Valentine's. I was waiting for my friend to upload the photos but he still hasn't so I'm going to edit this later.

So that day, my mom woke me up and told me we're going out and I asked, "Where are we going?" and she said, "Anywhere." So we went to Quezon Ave. for business and to get the stuff we have to get. Then, Ate AM texted me and asked me if I'm going with them. I knew about the plan 3 days ago that day I think but I wasn't so sure if I can go 'cos parents were around. So anyway, I asked mom where we're going after and I suggested to go to SM North 'cos it's just near anyway. So yeah, we went and I told them I'm meeting up with friends and a former teacher.

I met up with Ate AM(that's what I've been calling her since high school and she calls me Kuya Cha lol), Mark and our former adviser and History teacher in HS, Ms. Nicolas outside Breadtalk in The Block. As expected, there were a LOT of people in the mall. Couples dating, ladies carrying bouquet of flowers, group dates, group of friends and families. Yep, the place was filled with love!So we went to Bubble Tea and had bubble teas. Haha! We told a lot of stories! How we are, how things are going, and all those catching up things. Ate AM, Mark and I are all Christians now, so we told stories about how it all came about especially Mark and I 'cos Ms. Adah didn't know the exact story. We told about what's happened for the past 2-3 years, how our other friends are and all.

It was a good talk! After, we went to eat dinner! There were a lot of people all over the main mall so we went to the Annex instead. We got a table at Pizza Hut and ordered the Valentine's Feast. It was good for 4 so it was just right for us :D There we continued telling stories! It was like a fellowship as well. I was just so happy that night! My parents waited for me, lol, I didn't expect we would take long. But they ate at Barrio Fiesta for merienda then I forgot where for dinner.

That day was just so good! I couldn't have asked for a better day to celebrate heart's day! Nothing could've taken the GVness away that day from me.

That day I realized that I'm really blessed with the people I have in my life. I realized they're the only people outside my family I can be myself with. And they will accept me no matter what and support me in everything I do. I'm really blessed and I'm so grateful.

Then last Friday, I went out with my friends because one of our friends is here in Manila from Cagayan de Oro city. First time to see all of them again this year! Except for Nancy and Tracy 'cos their lolo passed away. :( And Kevin Mata was there too!! Unexpected! Haha didn't know he was with Eins on the event because he edited the video thingy.

I went to UP first to attend a seminar for IYF leadership training in Korea because I was invited by Mark and Ate AM was there too! :)

And I just had to take this photo below. It was also UP Fair that day but we didn't go since we had other plans.

Anyway, we ate at Giligans, TriNoMa. Eins wasn't there yet, they arrived after we finished eating. We met by National Bookstore and there we took photos! I thought Eins was with a girl but I was wrong! Hahaha! It was Kevin Mata! LMAO! It's because his hair was different!

Then we decided to go somewhere so we went to Ryan's house first to get another ride then went to Kevin Nelson's to drop his things off. Supposedly he's going to switch another ride but Ryan said we'd just use one since we can all fit there, lol. We went to Burby's at Convergys.

I ate a lot haha and we were like, "Didn't we eat dinner?" Haha! I love my friends! And while on the way, we didn't have our car radio on. The guys sang, instead. Hahaha! I took a video of them singing but they didn't know about it until I posted it on Facebook! Hahaha so funny!

Human Car Radio from Charlene Bautista on Vimeo.

What is what.

Hohow! So I've been up to a LOT of things these past few days and well, I've only finished quite a few needed to be done. Damn I hate procastinating. But I still do it anyway. :( Sigh. But oh well.

Aside from school, the net's been keeping me busy.. as always. Surprise surprise! But my friends and I are playing this game since last week and we've been really addicted to it. Lol. Next thing I know, most of my blockmates have their accounts already and they've been dueling a lot. Haha.
Yeah we all need a break from school. We're getting tired of the whole thing from time to time.
:o Okay so maybe most of the time. Lol. I just want summer break already!!!! Just 5 more weeks and we're free to go! I can't believe we'll be college juniors next term already. :o K so back to my 'story'..


It's JamLegend woot. Lol. Playing Canon Rock, haha. Love that song ♥!

And then there's..

TUMBLR! ♥♥♥
I update there everyday. Heh. Mostly from reblogging or well it depends.

Also, there's Facebook, Plurk, and all the countless accounts I have online. =]]

But of course there's still school. School always takes most of my time. I actually lack sleep as in big time. But there's just so much more to do.

Like this newsletter I finished today cos it's due just until 7pm so I didn't go to my 2nd class. Actually all my friends and I didn't. Cos if we did go to class which will end at 6pm, we won't get to pass this project which may cause us to fail and we don't want that. I don't want to faillll, I've never failed any of my subjects ever. So yeah, I did the two remaining newsletter designs in like 2 hours. I rushed the last one, so yes 2 hours wasn't enough. I actually got to send the email 5 minutes late cos our freakin' internet was so slow and it still is until now.



Our internet's running around 32.5 kb/sec right now btw. -_- I'm downloading my files from Photography class my friend uploaded in Mediafire cos she has them. Photography class last Tuesday was awesome. Lol. We got to shoot using redhead, kinoflo and the flash light, the one with the white umbrella thing. Lol. Later I'll update this when my download completes. We felt like we're paparazzis and celebrities too! Haha. We all got to "model" for the shots. Really fun. We finished shooting it all at school cos it will be too much hassle if we borrow the lights on another day cos we need to have a studio room reserved for that as well. Eh the lights were set up already so we did it on the same day. We were required to get 8 shots for each kind of light. We all just need to shoot the available and daylight lights. :D

[edit]

Cerisse: shot by Me

CJ: shot by me

ME [lol]: shot by Cerisse

Cj, Cerisse and I: Shot by Camae

Carlo and JR [they're not in our class but they're there so we asked them to model lol]: shot by me
JR : shot by me

CJ and JR [or CJRawr :p]

CJ profile shot

Cerisse

Us during the shoot :D

For more photos, click here.

[/edit]

At times school's not so bad cos it's really fun and I love what I do. But there are just days like Wednesdays that I don't like. Most likely cos of the subjects. So I hate Wednesdays. :))

Mannn, 4 more weeks! Technically it's 4 weeks cos we have no class during Holy Week and that's like 3 days plus another holiday which makes it almost a whole school week. And it's finals after that! Wee. I'm just looking forward to summer this year cos it'll be my last summer ever in college. Summer next year will be spent OJT-ing. :o

Gah I've been blabbing a lot about school. Lol. I miss playing PhaseRO. I miss reading books. I miss watching television. I miss watching Gossip Girl. :[ I'll catch up on those on my free time, which most likely be on summer.

Speaking of summer, I'll be busy as well because I will be planning and organizing my 18th birthday celebration. :o I can't believe I'll be turning 18 already. I don't look 18!!! I look like a kid in high school. Haha.

Anyways, that's it. Another long blog entry from me. :o

P.S. Changed my chatbox. Cbox was messing up with the whole 'open in new window' thing so switched to Shoutmix. :)

P.P.S. OH BTW! :D Just checked my mail! :D And LOOK! Hehe.

We're all waiting for something.

Yesterday, I had a dream. You were there. Sigh. I rarely dream you know. But whenever I do, you never fail to be in it. I dreamed that you were here. It's always like that for the past what, 3 months? 4? I can't remember. Whenever I dream about you, it's always about you being here. Guess that won't happen sooner. Even this year.

My dream was too funny though btw. I can just ROTFLMAO at my self. I dreamed he was dancing like in a school fair or something, an event in my old high school and my friends and I were there and he was with his friends. And we were all going crazy with their moves. And I never thought he could dance like that. Breakdance, even. So I guess my face was like doing the "O" thing with my mouth and my eyes wide open. LOL. And I was screaming like a fangirl. And when I woke up I was just like, WTF! ROFL! And then followed by, gah I dreamed about him again. Well at least in my dreams, he's there. But in IRL he doesn't show up nowadays. I think it's my fault.

01.29.2009 [from my Tumblr]

push

I don’t get it. I don’t get you. I don’t get why.

What the hell did I do wrong? As far as I know, nothing. Heck, we don’t even talk much nowadays. And when we do, even just a 4-line conversation, it hurts.

You know why?

Because it feels like you’re pushing me away.

And I don’t know why you do.

You’re not always like that. It’s just recently you’ve been really pushing me away and it hurts so bad.

Right now, I’m in my most down time of my life. I’m not usually like this and it doesn’t show. But this is the point in my life where I’m tired, bored, lazy that I forget what I want, or what my goals are or what my priorities are. I know I’m messed up but I’m trying to get it back together.

And then, when a person I really treasure and care for just pushes you away when you need someone the most, how would that feel?

It. Fckn. Hurts. Big time.

Now.

Sometimes, I think if it’s you staying away from me that made me think you’re pushing me away, or it’s me pushing you away that made you want to stay away.

Makes sense. I don't know who pushed who away. Sometimes it's you. Sometimes it's me. But you know what?

I guess, we're just both scared.

And that made us run away from each other.

Shit I miss you. I hate to admit it but yeah.



And now what? I ran. I pushed you away.

Or hmm I guess we both had mistakes. Damn man, we're friends and this is what we do with it. This is what I did with it. I guess every thing's only me or I, cos I think it's all one-sided. It's just me over thinking. In cases like these, even when I have gut feels about what one is thinking/feeling, I don't usually go with it. I'm mostly pessimistic when it comes to these, and not to mention scared. On to other things, I'm mostly optimistic and brave. Sigh.

Guess I have to wait till summer. Or I don't know. I really wish you'd show up again this summer. Please just don't pass out on my birthday. It's my 18th.

You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe that.
-Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

[images from tumblr]

This just suck, every single recent posts I have here is about him. Gah.

Dedicated to the one I'll always love

That's the thing about letting old lovers go. You don't stop loving some of them. There are a couple you love no less than you ever did. You're not going to try and make it work again, but if they needed you, you'd drop everything.
(via tumblr)

I know I will.

Now what's left are the memories
When you we're mine
-All again for you, We The Kings

But I wasn't yours. Just 'cos I was too blind to see. And too young to know. Ha, so very young. We did not know what we know now.

Some people I know can let it go. They say 'cos it's over and done. Pabayaan na, ganun talaga eh, wala nang magagawa. (Just leave it, there's nothing I can do about it.) That's what a friend told me when I told her about this story that I really can't take this person off my mind, and she also told a story kind of the same thing as mine. Only that she's moved on from that and she experienced it earlier than me. And they're still good friends. Our situations have differences though.

I have not fully told the story to you guys yet so you may not fully understand what I'm saying. But you can listen to the song, Maybe This Time by Murphy Michael. You can pretty much have an idea what my story is from there.

As for me, I don't know why I can't go. Maybe it's because of the almost-whole-life friendship we had. Maybe it's the distance. Maybe because despite all the changes I had in my life and all the changes he had in him, I still see that same person back when we were young and clueless. Maybe because I see the kid that I was then. Maybe because it's because he believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and when I felt no one did. Maybe because after 2 years of not being fully in contact and when he came back to the picture last year, it was like nothing changed. It was like the good old times, good old friends meeting again. Even just virtually.

And then I felt something I can't explain. It's like I felt every emotion I can think of right now. Happiness above all. Maybe it's because I reconnected with a friend again, maybe because I missed him so much, or maybe it's much deeper than that. Sadness. Maybe it's self-inflicted. Numbness. I didn't know why. Maybe because it was summer and I had nothing to do. Better. I don't wake up at 9 or 10 in the morning during summer. Ever. It was all because I just want to catch and talk to him. And then months went............

..School started.
..I turned 17.
..My term ended.
..Second term.
..Debuts I attended.
..Projects I made.
..Stresses from school.
..December.

I still couldn't take him off my mind. It wasn't like this at all in the past. Or I just couldn't remember. I tried to not think of him.

My friend, the one I mentioned above with kinda the same story as mine, and I had a deal that by the end of October or November last year, it'll all be over. All will be fine for me. I tried. Hard. I can say I was kind of successful with that. We had no communication that time, btw. For two months. I catch him online at times, but we never talk. And I never try to. So that was kind of, because he still slipped from my mind every now and then. Even when I was doing something really important. And then end of 2nd term came! I was so excited for the holiday break. One because I badly needed a rest. Two because I know I would preoccupy myself with things that I know I could not think of him. Three because well, it's Christmas.

BUT WELL HELLO! The invisible became visible. I was at home that time, nervous waiting for my grade in this one subject. Then I thought of opening my Messenger, which I haven't done for months. I wanted to know if I had e-mails in that address, which I also haven't checked for months. And then, bambabambam! There he was. Assuming I was okay, talked to him, asked what's up, and it went well. I did well. I thought that was just for one day. But he was there the next day, and the next day after that and the next and so on. And I thought I would use the holidays to preoccupy myself with stuff. He's always on a good timing, you know. Every single time.

So yes. Four months after that deal I had with my friend, up to now... I haven't done it successfully yet. Which is sad.

Now I try to do that not-think-of-him thing again. So... I stay away.

Even if I know I won't fully be able to.

But whatever happens, in the future or what.. he'll always have a special place in my heart.

I guess once you love someone and admit it, there's no coming back. It's a line that will forever stay embedded deep within your heart, because once you have loved that someone, it doesn't go away. You're forced to care.. and though how much you wish to prevent it, deep inside-- YOU KNOW HE WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL.

:)

Silent

Really I do.

I don't know what's up. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what's new.

I feel like there's something going on with you and I want to know and help you. It's just that you don't tell me things. I don't have a clue on what's going on. Your profile is useless, your interactive visibility is rare. Basically I don't have any contact with you even if I do.

What can I do right? You choose not to tell me.

But I just want to let you know that I'm here, no matter how far we are. I'm your friend. Even if that's all we'll ever be. And ever could be.

I don't know how to let you know anymore though. Cos we're silent, once again.

~

[EDIT]

Off with the emotional side. Lol.

You know what's funny?

Me and my friend Kevin/KiBeN, whom I have been friends with since high school and schoolmates with and classmates with up to college [lol], has always been kind of 'linked' since college. Well I think kind of in Senior HS when we got paired up for the Prom Cotillion/Dance. But that was just a passing 'tease', lol. My blockmates always thought he courted me or we were together which was and still is the total LULZ cos he doesn't and we're not. Hahaha. And he was always called 'Harry Potter' cos he looks like Harry. And then I don't know who started it, Cerisse the Penggu or KiBeN the Chicken/Harry/TurtleBack(hahaha), started to associate me with Hermione. I think it was because of my sabog hair then. Lol.

Harry, Hermione... we just lack a Ron to complete the HP trio. HAHA. And I always say to Kevin that he should find his Cho Chang/Ginny already. LOL. And he always reply that they're still on going for audition. LOL.

But just tonight, I realized while this ka-Tropang Gising on Plurk who always pair us up brought the issue again...

It's funny how we often associate ourselves with Harry and Hermione but he doesn't have a ChoChang/Ginny and I don't have a Ron.

Haha. So I'll say what Kiben always says, "Still on audition." Haha. Though I really don't do that cos there aren't really people who apply/audition for that place.

Someday, there will be. :))

Laughter is the best form of medicine. For when we laugh, we neither think, grieve, or feel.
-Eugene Lam

One of the truest quotes, yes?

[end edit]

What's happened to me?

I often wake up late. I stay up late. I didn't do my research paper. I didn't go to class. I am addicted to Tumblr. I am tired. My back hurts. I think my head is going to explode. Well not really.

....

Okay. Yes, new term and I often wake up late. So I run late to school, OR I just don't go to class. How am I going to make it if I wake up at 8am and my class is at 9, and my travel time is 1 and a half hour? I rarely make it. Lol.

I didn't do my research paper for DESNCON. Yes, screwed. But I woke up late. Stayed up late 'cos I watched Obama's inauguration on TV. Lol. So.. yeah.

I feel like I have a lot to do tomorrow. We'll try to do a FOTOGRA shoot, then Imma print our PROFES1 group requirements, ATM.. well, it's not so much maybe. But that involves a lot of walking and waiting. I'm working out my muscles right there tomorrow. HAHAHA. Or later I mean.

I still have to do our PARTDES report powerpoint. Sondesn. Uhm, Deskpub. Desncon. Desncon. Oh yeah. Pretty much that. Lalalala, I thought my new year's resolution is to not procastinate ever again this year? Not to cram? Well..

New year resolution FAIL.

My favorite day is Tuesday. I'm loving FOTOGRA. Thursdays are fine. PROFES1 is cool. I love Mondays and Fridays. Hooray no classes. And my least favorite is Wednesday. Thank you very much.

Where is my playtime?

So much to do, so little time. But well, I complain too much. I shouldn't have time doing this right? But I do. Because I want to. And it's 2:20am. And I'm hungry. Back hurts. I need massage.

Even if my least favorite day is Wednesday, yesterday was pretty much nice. Very nice. Well, happy. Because because because.... :D OHMYGOSH. I feel like jumping up and down. Hahahaha. Only Jesy and Cerisse know about this. And my brother. Haha. I decided not to tell too many people yet 'cos it may not push through if I did. Maudlot pa. HAHA. But at least, it's possible. YES IT IS POSSIBLE. :D Weeyoweeyowee! :D My brother doesn't know how I feel about it btw. I just told him because he knows that person I'm talking about. Or.. well, they're pretty much "friends" now. HAHA. And I love it when they talk. Buh uhm, I'm crossing my fingers. :x

And a guy and a girl can be just friends but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
-Dave Matthews

Pic sharing guys! :D From our FOTOGRA class. Lol.





--


(via perplexigirl)

You don't know how much you make me happy. Yes, still. 2008 = YOU.
And you know what I'd really really concentrate on when that happens? Simple. Try to not let you hear my pounding heartbeat like it's gonna rip from my chest. I'd probably get scared getting near you because of that. Lol.

Who cares if you read this or not. You might. But, you wouldn't know you're the one I'm talking about anyway. :D ;)

Ready? Yes.

October 30, 2008 Thursday
Friendster Horoscope

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 21)

The Bottom Line

Your feelings are important to honor, but you cannot let them control your goals.

In Detail

Just because you said goodbye to someone doesn’t mean that they still can’t inspire or affect your future in a positive way. You take them with you wherever you go, and they will always be a part of you. So try to switch from sadness to gratitude that you ever got to know them in the first place! Your feelings are important to honor, but you cannot let them control your goals in life. Use your head today and start moving again, in a new direction.

I perfectly know who that someone is. Suits me well. ;)


Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all
The strength you gave to me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be

-There You'll Be, Faith Hill


;]
--

I love Gossip Girl! <33

I'm way too cool for you, boy.

Yey okay so I'm blogging again. My body hurts, not so much but still it hurts. Haha. Prolly from the practice last Sunday but it's all good. It's fun anyway.

So every Sunday I go to Celebrity for Myca's cotillion practice for her debut on the 25th. And every Sunday I see my HS friends and hang out with them. It's all cooool. Last Sunday, I thought I was late already cos the practice is supposed to be at 2pm. I came 2:30 but when I got there, they weren't there in the usual practice spot yet. I called Nancy and she said she's still at their house. Haha. So when I went back downstairs, I saw Ryan coming from a cab. Then we went to the eating area near the pool and yesss they were there. Myca wasn't there yet though, only the choreographers, the organizer and Eins and Kevin. So they told us to order food while waiting. This is what I like eh, free food everytime. Haha. I ordered spaghettiiii cos I noticed I kept ordering fetuccine carbonarra everytime so for a change naman. :]]

Then the others came already and by maybe 3 or 3:30 we were all complete. I didn't get to practice much with the cotillion group cos we started practicing the hiphop dance already! I wasn't expecting that! Haha. And we were only 6 in the group! I thought we'd be more than that! Gah. 3 guys and 3 girls. I kind of get conscious cos I'm with Myca and Nancy, and they're both great dancers! But meee? ME??? No no no. No wayy. But it was a lot of funnn though. Just like Myca said, "Parang dati lang.." True enough. Hehe. I missed dancing with them. My brother did the mix for our dance so he got paid for it :]] May pera nanaman ang loko, haha. The songs are Shake your pompom, Candyman, Move shake drop, The potion, Superhuman, Bounce and I think they're adding one more song which is Feedback. Yeah, the songs left for steps are superhuman bounce and feedback. Few to gooo! :] I love it! :D I just hated my 3/4 pants that time cos it was loose! Argh. So anyways, I loved the steps for Move, shake, drop most! Haha. Candyman's was so cute. :]]

Click here(tumblr) or here(imeem) to hear the remix ;) Made by my brobroooo. :)

After, we had a break then went to practice cotillion like twice or thrice. Then went back to hiphop to finish some of the choreography. I was kind of losing energy that time so I was kind of not myself and I kept on forgetting the steps. Haha. And thennnn, we went to eat downstairs. We were usually eating in the eating area near the pool but that time, we went inside the restaurant. We had it all by ourselves. Haha. May videoke pa. Ate Mai(Myca's organizer) told us that everyone should sing! BUT NOOOO, YOU CANNOT EVER MAKE ME SING IN PUBLIC. Hahaha! Luckily, my brother fetched me before the mic went to me. It was a lot of fun! Myca's sisters were soooo makulit. But very sweet and cute. Hehe.

I'm looking forward again next Sunday. It's our last practice before Myca's debut so yeah. On the 24th though, we'll practice on Diamond Hotel already for polishing and stuff. Then, we're going to stay there for the night already since the one who will make us up is the same one who will do Myca's I think. I already had my dress fitted last Saturday(which was a super long but fun dayyyy with my brother and his gf) since I can't make it yesterday and come with them. It's not finished yet and there are a few adjustments with the length and the back corset.

And oh, did I tell youuuuu guysss!!! Since it's going to be a 'fashion show' kind of theme, there's a ramp where models you know, strut their stuff. Haha. Last Sunday, I asked Myca who the models will be and she said, "Kayo." I was like, "WHATTTT?!?!" WALANGHIYAAAA!!! =)) Didn't expect that wth! She told me before that those who wants to model will be the ones who will be in the fashion show. And now, it's going to be ussss? Ohcmonnnn. :)) Shy meeeee. :| This is going to be challenging. And I bet, fun? Haha.

So yeah. I just thought of blogging these fun stuff. ;) I'll go nowww I have to be at school earlier than usual later since I have to pass my COMGRAP project 01 hybrids. WOULD YOU BELIEVE I OVERSLEPT YESTERDAY?!?!?!?! I wasn't able to go to my first classss! GAH I HATE IT. I wasn't myself when I woke up and it was already 12:30! Ohdude, srsly! I was panicking! LOL. But fortunately my prof allowed us to submit the hybrids until tomorrow from 8-11am. So I have to be there before 11am!

Byebyeeee.

I wanna be superhuman.

So I have downloaded the latest version of Firefox and along with it, downloaded lots of add-ons and themes compatible with the new version. This is why I actually love Firefox, for its add-ons. It makes life so much easier for me. Ha ha. I can have everything I have online like IMs, emails, social networking sites, etc., in just this browser. I have Foxclocks too so I know what time it is where ever in the world. Cool yeah? :D It's just boo though cos the Multiply and MySpace toolbar won't work for the latest version. I hope they update soon. I have the Facebook Toolbar though, at least. Then I won't be lazy opening my Facebook account now. I also downloaded the Gmail notifier, Yoono, CTRL-Tab, Save Session, and others I can't remember anymore. :]] I'm loving my themes. Right now, my browser is color light green. Ha ha. :]]

Anyways. School has been taking much of my time lately, as it always does actually. I actually don't like this term very much cos this term had me really scared like crazy. Every single freakin' day I think I'm going to have a heart attack just thinking or imagining of what will happen during the day. It's actually mostly because of ORALCOM. It really catches me off guard. I hate not being able to prepare myself beforehand with things that's out of my comfort zone. It's okay going out of that comfort zone if and only if I am prepared. If not, well, my heart has probably--if it can-- ripped out of my chest already. Yeah.

Aside from all those scary things(for me at least), life's been going well. Since my family, friends and I went to MOA(that place on the bayside, forgot the name) to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I don't know, it just had me come back to my rightful place. It made me happier and brighter, at least. And that's good yeah? :D

So these days has been the most scariest rides of my life. For one, well I really don't know. Mmm.. next is because finals is nearing and that means dozens of projects all piled up for deadlines. I think I have mentioned that on my previous post. It just keeps getting worse everyday the deadline comes close. Ohwell. I just want this term to end. Until that day comes, I'm just going to have to hold my breath and continue living this shit. I'm not the one who easily gives up but I actually thought of already giving up things like school responsibilities, like I don't wanna do them anymore. Good thing I still have this positive side in me which actually saved me from giving in to being physically and emotionally weak. I could have had an emotional breakdown! But some things just keep me going and strong. I have to.

As you can see, this blog has been my medium for putting my repressed emotions. So my blog posts will kind of contain these rants until the term ends. You'll have to bear with me on that. ;)

I've finished reading Breaking Dawn as well, last Sunday. It's been hard reading it with me left hanging on what will happen next 'cause I have to do my more prioritized things to-do. But yeah, I loved it. Not as much as I loved Twilight and the other books in the series though. But it's all good. I am happy and satisfied with how it ended. Some people didn't like it and yeah probably because of the too perfect ending. I think it would have been much better if there was a fight. I was really hoping there would be a fight but I was left disappointed. But oh wells, it's okay, I'm a sucker for happy endings anyway. ;) I'm re-reading Twilight again on my free time. My brother's reading it as well but he's so slow. Ha ha. :]]

Went to SM Fairview today to buy a dress for my HS classmate's debut on Saturday. I thought I'm going to have a facial treatment but they won't allow it since I guess they don't think the scars from all that pricking will wear off on Saturday so I just had a cleaning instead. I loveeedd it! Lmao, I love every thing that causes me to relax these days. It feels good having that kind of pampering amidst all the stress. It's been hard a gold or silver dress cos that's what it says on the invitation! Come in gold or silver. Wth. Ha ha :]]

I think this one's pretty long now. ARGH. I'm not planning to write a post at all today! :]] Have to go. Kbye :)

Ain't that bad, yo.

One week has passed! Dohhhh. So, I should've posted a blog last Saturday or Sunday but I got lazy. Yessss I'm a super lazy me. LOL. Huwat?! =))

So, last Tuesday was my birthday. But it felt like my birthday was the whole week. Friends kept greeting me a happy birthday everytime I go to school. =)) Lmao! That was fun. But the birthday itself wasn't much of a good day. Probably because nothing much has happened during the day. We(Neela, CJ and I) just went to MOA to kill time since we have a 3-hour break. And then DESPRIN(Principles of Design) changed the so-so mood of the day cos I was so excited for Cerisse! =)) HAHAHA. Shaks ah, nabanggit pa you here sa blog ko! LMAO! =)) Then our planned TriNoMa birthday celebration didn't push through since the people my parents invited couldn't come so we ate at Seaside instead. Good foodddd. I love good food! But the mood of the day continued. I can just say I wasn't ultimately happy. I thought my 17th was the suckiest day ever. LOL. Well not really, it's just that it's not a really good day I guess. Idk. :)) But I appreciate everything everyone had done to make it the happiest day possible though.

So ya, my Saturday celebration somehow paid for it anyway. Cossss, I SAW MY HIGH SCHOOL SUPERFRIENDS once again! Ohgosh, how I loved it. Haha, srsly! Though not everyone could come, it was nice cos I get to hang-out with them a bit, talk and catch up. Damn I missed them so! I wish I could like go out with them at least once a week! Haha but things need plans so.. sometimes it can't be possible. And I really appreciate those people who just dropped by to greet me a happy birthday. Or para lang mapaunlakan yung invitation ko sa kanila. Oh wow, that's... deep! Haha. So yeah, cos that was a Saturday and my invitation was such a short notice but they went anyway even if they have plans that night. Meant a lot, really. :] But I really hope we'd get together some time. Like, all of us! I really really wish to have a high school batch reunion before the year ends! IT'S A MUST EVERY YEAR! :)) At least for me. :] And.. only three of my college friends went cos most of them are from the south so they couldn't come. Laughtrip lang si Kevin Chua at Pem cos they really went! HAHA. Though they're north people, Fairview is still far y'know. :)) AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THE FOOD. =)) Nyahaha! It was fun though.

On to a new topic. Last Thursday after my 8pm class, my parents and brother(2nd) went to fetch me. Just that time they told me that we're going to a family friend's wake. That family friend was my Kuya Raymond's(3rd) high school batchmate/bandmate and maybe best friend and an ex-bandmate(Pure Instinct). LOL. Labo na! [FLASHBACK] Back then, I was still in grade school, the families of every person included in their band went to our house just because and also to check how the band's doing and all. And so our family became friends with my brother's friend's family. Lol, is that right? =)) To the point that we even celebrated our Pre-New Year all together. That was fun! I can still remember that time, way back 2000 I think or 2001 before our family went to Cebu to spend the New Year. :)) [/END FLASHBACK] It was his dad's wake. And his dad passed away on my birthday! :o So I figured that was why my parents and my brother was so dressed up like they're going somewhere after. So yeah, meron nga! Haha. We went to Sanctuarium and I was so hungry since I didn't eat before my class! BOO-HOO. Luckily there's a mini-store inside and I ate siopao just to somehow ease my hungriness. Lol. Then we went up and I saw my brother's high school friends, my brother of course and his girl friend. One of my bro's HS friends was like, "O Cha! Ang laki niyo na ah! *points to other people with the same age as me or older*" And I realized that one person he pointed at was our family friend's brother. And it came to me.. "Oh no. Shocks. Makikita ko siya!" HAHAHA. So this is another story.

So, my brother's bestfriend has two younger brothers. The one I saw was his second younger brother. Since my brother's HS bandmates' family often come to our house then, we somehow get to know them a little. And my kuya's bestfriend(he was the vocalist of their HS band) has this brother(his third younger brother), a year older than me. Back in grade 4, I had a crush on him. LMAO! And he knew! Their AM class knew! Cos in our school, for grade school there were only two sections: AM and PM. So I was grade 4 and he was grade 5. GAH. :)) I didn't know HOW they knew! And my brother's HS friends as well as my brother knew. And they kept on pairing us then. Tuksuhan and all. Nakakahiya yun noh! Haha! I can still remember, omay! Haha. It was funny cos we never talked. Maybe once or twice when there were circumstances that were unavoidable like when my mom told me to show him where the telephone was or when he went to the house to drop by food or something, my mom usually told me to get it. LMAO. And that's not even called a real talk! :)) So I guess we were really shy =)) Or ako lang! Haha. Laughtrip! :)) And oohhhh! [FLASHBACK]I can still remember, before our school held an event where chosen students will perform and he was one of those students. My friends were there too! They were gon' dance! Then my friends were telling me that he was really good. Or at least that's what I can remember. Haha! Then on the day of the performance, he was like all over the place! LMAO. I was like, "wth?!" I was looking at him cos he was my friend's partner! Eh ayun, di ko na lang tinitingnan. Na-shy? Haha! Jokes amp na-peeling naman ako nun =)) Feel ko na-conscious eh. Haha! I told to my friend, "Bat ganon partner mo? Parang hindi alam steps." She said, "Ewan ko, nung practice naman okay siya e." [/END FLASHBACK] :)) I remember the last time I saw him was back in 2nd year HS. [FLASHBACK]They went to my brother's gig at Ratsky and he and his mom were there because at that time, Kuya X(his bro) was already part of my bro's band. We were on the same table! And I can't even look at him. My mom and his mom were just talking. Nakakatawa, swear! Then when we arrived home, my mom told me.. "Bakit di kayo nag-uusap nung kapatid ni *insert my bro's bestfriend name here*?" I said, "Ha? Ewan ko, di kami close e. Haha!" Pero I think at that time, I was thinking, "yak nakakahiya noh!" Haha! Then my mom said, "Natatawa kanina mommy niya sainyong dalawa. Nagkakahiyaan pa daw kayo. Sabi niya sakin, may gusto daw kasi yun dati sa'yo." NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! =)) Natawa na lang ako. [/END FLASHBACK]

Too many flashbacks, eh? Haha. So yeah, I'm right. The moment I entered the room, he was the first one I saw. =)))))) NYAHAHHAHA! I was like, "=o" HAHA! Homaygallywow. But of course I didn't let my reaction show! Haha. Then when my brother(3rd) told the story of how Kuya X's dad died and all, he mentioned about the brothers and he saw me kind of smiled a bit. It's not even called a smile! Haha. Well I reacted a bit and he saw that, and he reacted and smiled at me. Then started teasing me and told my mom and dad about me having a crush on Kuya X's brother before. Haha! And he started telling it to our family friends, those who weren't there in our lives yet during that time. Haha. Then he told me, "Alam ko na birthday gift ko sa'yo Cha! Papakilala kita!" LMAO! And he told it to Kuya X, his bestfriend! Kinilig naman! AMPOPO. But I know they were just tripping.. a bit! Cos with them, sometimes they can really get serious with tripping. Lol. Pero sobrang laughtrip yung itsura nilang dalawa na nagbubulungan and all =)) Lalo na yung itsura nila nung 'kinikilig' sila.I couldn't do anything about it! All I can say is, "Ugh nakakainis ka kuya!" =)) But yeah, it didn't happen. =)) Thhankkkkk God! My face would've looked funny if that happens. :)) Cos I prolly wouldn't know how to react. :)) I saw my former high schoolmate and now college schoolmate at the wake. Shocked ako. :)) I guess they're friends cos they're on the same village. Anyway, the day after my brother told me that Kuya X's brother got shy too. =)) LMAO. And oh, in case you're wondering how he looks now... :"> HAHAHA. Isang napakalaking SHET at OMG lang ang masasabi ko. :"> =))) Getitttt? Haha!

THIS IS A SO LONG POST. T_T Bah. This is what happens when I don't blog for a week. Lol.

Anyway, DESPRIN wasn't that bad. We had our first plate and it was kinda fun. Though I couldn't think of what to draw instantly, it was very challenging. LOL. I didn't get to finish my plate though. I just had it signed by my prof so em gonna pass them next week.

I just figured, the past keep coming to my present. And so my past becomes part of my present and I don't even ask for it. :))

Gah I'm laazy now. Bye.

On a lot of things. :)

Some things here, I've already said on my previous post but this one's from my Multiply blog I just posted today. Might as well post it here. :) BTW, I mentioned below that I want to change my layout, but I dunno. The blog part of the site has small width, which makes it hard for people to read. Whaddyathink?

ON BEING A BUM:
I need to stop being a bum in front of the pc all the time. I'm hating it already. Doing the same things all over again. Though I'm having fun with Photoshop, it's not all I do. I turn to MySpace, Facebook and Friendster all the time. Especially Facebook and MySpace! BOO! It's so damn addicting! And this blog, I get lazy updating it. I feel like I wanna change the layout again. I have one ready, already coded and all that, but I'm just too lazy.

ON GOING OUT:
Now I need to go out. I wanna go out with my gerlssss. Deym I need to talk to them! As in NEED. Lots of things I wanna tell them. o_o And I miss my high school friends. If one of you are reading thisssss! OMGZ! Let's go out! :( I'm missing them badlyyyyy. Supasupasupafriends, haven't hung out with y'all for quite some time now. Makes me sad. :(

ON DVDS:
I need to buy DVDs, the series of Gossip Girl and the O.C. Koreanovelas too! Like Hana Kimi, and other good stuff. You know other Koreanovelas that you can call 'good stuff' you can recommend me?

ON BOOKS:
I also need to buy the books I've been wanting to read for the whole past year. Like the last Harry Potter book. I'm a loser for not having one yet. The Twilight series! Migadddd, I've watched the trailer and it's so effin' awesome. 12/12, Twilighters! And this year's also the release of the last book in the series. Other good books to recommend, people?

ON PROJECTS:
And I also need to finish the website I've been doing for the past weeks. BAH. I dunno, it's just that whenever I think, I get headaches. LOL. I like thinking though.

ON THINGS:
AND.. I like preoccupying myself with thingssss to do.

ON TIME:
Man, time is running out. School's almost near, atleast for me. Cos yknow how time flies by real fast? Yeah. Yeaa. Boohoo.

ON ACDC:
Lately, we[yeah, Cerisse included hahaha] have been obsessing with ACDC[Adam/Chu Dance Crew]. And their shirt's on sale now!!! Mr. Chu made it available werrldwide! Butttt, it's worth effin' $21.70, shipping included! Whathebuckkk! I don't have that kind of money. I even told my friend from Cali to buy me an ACDC shirt, his gift for my birthday! He said, "haha maybe". I was kidding though. But I was kidding! I just hope he's not reading this. LOL. Yeah right, like the ACDC shirts are selling like hotcakes. LOL. Last time I checked, there are only two pieces left. I just hope they print more! So by that time, I already have money to buy it cos I just spent my money on online shopping in Multiply! LOL. The ACDC shirts are for charity anyways! But Cerisse messaged Mr. Chu if we can print ACDC shirts here in the Phils., we made our own designs. But he didn't reply, he just read it. Booooo. Maybe it's bcos they made it available worldwide and he of course, assumed that the info already spread on us, so no need to reply. Soo even if we'll have our own ACDC shirts printed... STILL! I want their ACDC sherrrt! FOREALLLZ! I wanna be part of the crew. Hahaha! That's what Adam Sevani said on his bulletin on MySpace! "Be part of the crew." That's why I'm loving MySpace. You get to talk to them! Like Cerisse, he got to talk with Harry Shum, Jr.(Cable on Step Up 2)! HAHAHAHA! Anyways, nuff with the ACDC talk. My brother told me I'm obsessed wit dem already. And so as my friend from Cali. So I guess, I am obsessed with them! Haha.

ON YOUTUBE:
Does anyone of you know Nigahiga of YouTube? HAHAHA! His vids are sooo funny! The result of boredom I guess. But heck, he's got like a million views for every video he have on his channel! He's got like 271,450 subscribers! Include me on that. Haha. PLUS! He's cute btw! :p Hahaha. Youtube crush, LOLZ! I've also subscribed on Jon M. Chu's YTube channel and as well as the Miley&Mandy Show. And I'm wonderin', what's up with singing and ukeleles in the U.S.? I dunno, it's like very popular. I love this one though, Windward Skies cover. Thanks to my friend for showing that to me. And I saw this very kawaii video too called Animal Idol. Yeah, an American Idol for animals. Lol. So maybe you figured out what I do whenever I'm online. I just don't get how I can spend my whole day just doing all these. Sux000.

ON MUSIC:
I just realized my taste for music has uhmm, how do you put it, broaden? I dunno, I just like listening to country songs lately. Thanks to MySpaceeeee! I just realized how I love praise songs too. Hillsong United will be having a concert here on the 26th! A day just before my berrrrthdayyym. I would love to see them live. And oh, I love hearing old school songs lately! It lights me up, brings a smile to my face. Imma download Backstreet Boys songs. What other good old songs are there? Make me remember. :D And I had my seat reserved on Marie Digby's online concert on the 19th, 6am, our time. That's veryyy early so I have to like get up at around 5am. I bet there'll be a massive site traffic. I just hope my PC won't crash. I want to buy her album! As well as Taylor Swift's album. I heard her songs on MS and I loved it. Anywaysss...


ON AGE:
I feel like I'm 17 already. HAHA. :)) I still have 19 days left to enjoy my sweeeettt 16. Was it sweet? Ionnooo. LOL.

ON AMERICAN IDOL:
Top 4 finalists are the 2 Davids, Syesha and Jason Castro. After their performance? I bet Jason Castro will go. So top 3 are the 2 Davids and Syesha. My top 2? The 2 Davids. David Archuleta and David Cook. Whoever wins, it's okay. They're both good. :)

ON REALITY:
Reality slapped me once again on my face! LIKE IT ALWAYS DOES! :)) After I read Anna's S-S.org blog! Haha. Ooh, Imma post this on my blogspot too. I need to like, update that from my random blahs.

ON RENZ:
I'm sorry I wasn't able to give to you your vectorrrr! Haha. Sorry talagaaaa! But you can wait more right? Hehe. Thanks Renzzyyy! :)

Can I chill for a minute?

March 14, last year high school pa lang ako. Finals namin. Ayon sa aking 2007 planner.

March 15, birthday na pala ni Val ngayon, HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL! :) Finals pa rin namin.

Fast forward to today..
College ako. Hindi pa namin finals, hindi pa rin magtatapos ang school para sa 'min. Madaming gagawin. Seryoso, sobrang busy these past few days. Actually weeks ago pa sobrang dami nang gagawin. Ngayon ko lang na-realize. Tipong ayoko nang humarap sa computer kasi hindi ko na magagawa yung mga iba kong gustong gawin, like movie marathons, TV watching, kulitan with my family, and stuff like that. Kapag nasa harapan kasi ako ng PC, nagiging anti-social ako. Pag may ginagawa ako dito, super focused talaga. Kaya nasisira mata ko e. Haha. At hindi na ako makatayo sa kinauupuan ko. Swear, ganun. Pero hindi pwedeng hindi akong humarap sa PC. Dahil MMA ang kurso ko at forever computer-related ito. Kelangan ko ring i-check araw-araw ang mail ko, ang online shop namin, ang multiply ko(dahil napag-iiwanan na ako, marami pa rin akong hindi nauupload), ang friendster ko(dahil ayoko naman na late reply sa comments), at ang blog ko.

Buti Friday ngayon, nakanood ako ng TV. Napanood ko ang ending ng Marimar. Grabe yun oh, pinagkagastusan talaga. Ang pretty talaga ni Marian Rivera. Haha. Anywayyyy, nagpunta ako dito sa PC para i-edit yung remaining pics nung batchmate ko dati na debut sa 28th. Para wala nang dagdag pproblemahin. Ma-stress pa ako e. LOLz. Pero hindi ko pa rin siya ginagawa. Uh-oh. Dapat kasi natutulog na rin ako ngayon. Kasi maaga pa ako bukas dahil may practice kami for our P.E. Dance on Monday na Tango. And magppractice na rin kami for our Finals which is HIPHOP! Ohyea! I so missed dancing this kaya sobrang natuwa ako nung nalaman kong yan ang finals namin! Hehe. Tapos after the practice, we're gonna continue the shoot for Jamila's debut. This time, video naman. For the last few weeks kasi, puro photoshoots. So video na gagawin namin ngayon. Then yung classmate namin nung high school said na baka may celebration yung kaklase namin ng birthday niya. Di pa namin alam kung meron.

Then on Sunday, my barkada and I will have another bonding moment at TriNoma. We're gonna watch Step up 2, lunch then ayun. We planned on having this every month just to keep in touch. But I said hanggang 4pm lang siguro kasi Palm Sunday at syempre magsisimba kami dba.

Aside from that, meron pang PHILOMA(Philosophy of Man) project na is-shoot, FILIP13(Retorika) song adaption(lol, we chose With You by Chris Brown, my blockmate already made the lyrics), Business Math quizzes to worry about, World Literature classes(pinoproblema namin ang mga stories at poems, oo. haha), COMSK2x(Technical Literature) multimedia resume and project proposal, and uh.. yeah. I think that's pretty much it. It's a lot, I tell you. Plus the Course Approval thingy pa pala! Di pa approved yung enlisted subjects ko kahit na napasa ko na yung requirements sa academic adviser ko. Oh well. Tapos ano pa ba.. basta, yan. Hectic. So, sorry if hindi ako nakakadalaw sa mga blogs niyo. Malapit na rin ang end ng classes(yeah like April 19) so busy talaga. Pero I'm not stressing YET. I hope I won't! Oh well.

I guess all of us are busy. Some update lang. Naaliw ako sa journal na ginawa namin for Filipino for almost a week, everyday! Ayos din pala ang may entry araw-araw. Pero siguro for myself lang? Haha. Wala lang, baka ma-trip-an ko sometime. Good thing there's the Holy Week break! almost 4 days of break. Pero marami pa rin akong gagawin kahit break. Like go to church, celebrate the Holy week and academic stuff. Yeah.

good luck sa 'ting lahat. :) random stuff lang. thanks for those who dropped by! :)

Parteeyyy month.

November is my party month. 3 out of 4 Saturdays this month(including this coming Saturday - the 24th), I've been out. YAY! Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays... and more birthdays. Most of the people I know have their birthdays during November, actually October-November. But this month, my Saturdays were really hectic(yuck, peling sikat? haha joke lang).

The first Saturday of this month, I told my parents and brothers that my blockmate will have her debut(it's an informal one) and it'll be a costume party(Halloween e, hehe). It was in Makati, near Greenbelt which was very far from where I live. GAH, North to South. The next week, I told them that my high school classmate was going to celebrate his birthday. It was a false alarm though. I really thought it was that Saturday which was the 10th, only to find out that it's not until the week after that. Haha. I didn't know his birthday was on the 17th(bad, haha). So I was stuck at home, in front of the PC. The problem was, it's my high school senior ka-barkada 18th birthday party that same night my high school classmate's birthday. GAH. So just like last year, I attended two birthday parties on the same night. And now, my high school super friend is celebrating her birthday on the 24th although her birthday is on the 23rd.

Last Sunday, my mom and dad told me, "Walang party ngayong Saturday ah." I was like, "Hala." HAHA. Grabe. I had the feeling that they don't believe me anymore. Haha. But WTH man, the birthday parties were actually true! Like, I'm gonna lie to them? I have never ever done that in my life just to get out on weekends. I swear! I'm a good girl. LOL. I can't blame them though. If I put myself on their shoes, it's really doubtful that every week my excuse was "Birthday nung kaklase ko dati e, si Ano.." But what can I say? They can't blame me either. It's not my fault that most of the people I know were born on the month of November. To think that most of them are my high school super friends, of course, I would not want to miss their birthday celebrations for anything else! Why? Because I so miss them! I miss hanging out with them and we have a lot of catching up to do. I've been dying to see them since the reunion last July and some, since graduation.

So for Saturday, I asked them last night if I can go so I can inform my former classmate if I can go or not. Fortunately, they agreed. Yey! Man, this was the only month where I went out every weekend. I swear. Since school started, every weekend, I've been at home being a bum. Sleeping or whatever. Lol. And this Saturday is the last party I'll go to.. hmm, I take it back. LOL. December is coming up which means another high school get together. I hope! Haha. :D

--extra--
Anyway, last November 17 was really a fun fun night! When two of my high school senior barkada saw me, they were both screaming and jumping! HAHAHA. Imagine us doing that outside Starbucks, Convergy's. Haha. Aww, it was a happy sight. My favorite line that night was, "So, kamusta ka naman, *name*?" Haha. The time we spent together wasn't enough because we arrived at my ka-barkada's house at almost 9pm because we were waiting for them at Convergy's. We didn't know the way to her house and I actually forgot na rin. Layo kasi, madaming pasikot-sikot. Tipong, madaming villages sa isang village(Filinvest II). Haha. Gah. So, we didn't have the time to really talk about things. But it was really great seeing them again. After that, we went to Eastwood to go to another party. There were only 5 of us from my friend's debut who went. We got there at around 11pm. It was so late! People were waiting for us and our former classmate didn't know where to celebrate his birthday in Ewood. Haha, great. It was his(or her, haha) first time. It was a Saturday, obviously, everything's full. But it was okay, we went to Ipanema. Sosyal, lumelevel-up na sila, buma-bar na ngayon. Haha. It was super fun! But it was scary at the same time. HAHA. Shocks. I'm not used to seeing people grinding and stuff anymore. I was like, "Eww, wth." Haha. But this really freaked me out! I was dancing with my friends who all have their partners, and I don't have one(haha), then this guy made his way between my friends and danced in front of me. DAMNIT! =)) I didn't know what to do! Grabe. I hid at the back of my classmate thinking that he will get the signal that I don't want to dance with people I don't know(lol). But he followed me and kept on dancing. WTF. =)) Fortunately, my former girl classmate saved my life. LOL. She made his way between the guy and me and she danced with the guy. WHEW. Then she asked, "Ok ka lang, Cha?" Hahaha. WTFWTF. Then there's this other guy who kept looking(wthhhhh!!) and is slowly getting nearer and nearer. Tipong humahanap ng tiempo. When I saw that, I told my guy friend, "Uy, Kevin! Palit tayo ng pwesto.. dito ka, dyan ako! Please please!" :)) Then, the guy went away and went back to his friends. HAHA. BS. I'm really thankful I was with my friends. They're really super! Haha. Sabi nga naming mga girls, "Buti na lang andyan yung mga machong bantay natin." Haha. Buti na lang talaga! Di na talaga ako sanay. =)) But overall, it was a really fun night! I went home at around 2am. Yay. I'm looking forward to hang out with them again. :D

--pictures--









photos by Kevin Mata. (Kamusta yon, nagppicture-an kami habang nagsasayaw? Haha.)

Week-long vacation, Cost-cutting & Birthdays.

Hey everyone. How's your vacation bloggers? It's pretty long especially for those who are having their sembreaks. It's nice to recharge our energies after a stressful day, week, month, term, semester or whatsoever. My vacation was pretty nice although I just stayed at home. At least I don't have any homeworks, quizzes and projects to worry about now. ^_^ I'm just relaxing. Hehe. Midterms is already finished just last Wednesday. Filipino was our last midterm and it was okay. I was late though. Lol. Damn you 7am classes! Anyway, our online enlistment starts on Monday. I'm gonna get a good schedule! NO MORE 7AM CLASSES FOR ME! Nu-uh! There's no way, kokey! Haha. I hope I can be classmates with some of my blockmates in 3rd term. In at least one to two subjects! Or if I'm lucky, all subjects. Haha. It's possible, isn't it?

Anyway, aside from worrying about the online enlistment, 'cause we all don't know how to yet, our 2nd half for 2nd term starts on Monday! It means another set of projects, quizzes and all those school works! It's time to change my way of doing things. I should start doing it right away and not wait 2 or 3 days before the deadline to come knocking at my door. Why? 'Cause it sucks. It's stressful. It means sleepless nights and pressure. I hate it. I don't want myself to get used to it. I don't want my work to pile up! Kelangan ko na magsipag ulit. I should follow my schedules. What in the world are organizers for? It's useless if I don't follow it. :| I wonder what's in Starbucks for Christmas? LOL. We worked hard for our Starbucks planners last year, mind you. Yes, we worked hard for it. Working hard means getting ourselves broke at the end of the year just to get that freakin' planner! But it's fine, we wanted it anyway. And I get to bond with my friends a lot during those days. I miss those times! Plus you have your favorite Starbucks drink with you. Ahhhh, love! Haha. But now, I don't go to Starbucks often. Cost-cutting ako eh. But even if I cut my starbucks indulgences, I'm still broke. Damnit. Christmas is fast approaching and I don't have money to buy gifts! Nagagastos ko yung ipon ko. Di pa rin ako nakakapag-start mag-ipon. Gastos ko kasi. I HATE IT. Hindi pwede ito. :| Pano na ang gusto kong tablet? at and DSLR? Hmpp. Idagdag mo pa sa gastos ang online shopping sa multiply. WAHH. ARGH. Okay, stop. This needs action. Kelangan ko na talaga mag-ipon. -_- Kaya ko 'to.

It's unusual of me to blog at this time. It's 1:47am on my computer clock. I got home at around 12 something AM from Makati. It was my blockmate's debut at Toyz Cafe. It was an informal one. And since it's Halloween, it's a costume party. I wore a white bubble dress with butterfly wings and wand. LOL. I'm a fairy! Hahaha. It was fun. Tumugtog ang Day One Movement. Si Sib Sibulo yung vocalist nila. Grabe, ang lapit ko sa stage. Literally! Tipong nasa harap ko na yung band. Ako lang yung andun malapit sa kanila. Walang gustong maki-share sa inuupuan ko. Sofa kasi yun. Hahaha, nakakahiyang tumingin sa banda. Atsaka magkaka-stiff neck ako kung pinanood ko sila buong set nila. Di ko kasi maharap sa stage yung sofa, mabigat e. I also got a gift certificate worth P1,000 from Rudy Project. Sponsor kasi nila. So lahat nung naka-costume, may gift certificate. Sponsor rin pala niya yung Coors Light. Libre ang beer namin! Hahaha. Yung invitation, may stub pa para sa vodka. Parang ticket lang e noh. Haha. Pure vodka pala yung nainom ko kanina. Di ko alam yun talaga. Akala ko nahaluan na siya ng lime para di malakas ang tama. Pero wala namang epekto sakin. Haha. At ayoko talaga ng lasa ng beer. Di ako beer person. Atsaka occasionally lang naman ako umiinom. Mabait ako e. Wahehehe.

My next birthday stop will be on November... 17. Which means.. I can't go to my org's Photo-Video Workshop which will be held on Nov.17-18. It's an out-of-town trip to Bataan. I sossss wanna go! But heck, I promised Nikita(my high school ka-barkada) that I'll go. And I miss my high school friends. It's one way of bonding with them again. Debut pala yun. Pero simple lang, sa bahay lang niya. Marami talagang may birthday tuwing November. At least sa mga kakilala ko, marami ang November. One year na pala nakalipas. Last year dalawang birthday party in-attend-an namin sa same na araw. After nung birthday party ni Nikita nun sa bahay nila, pumunta naman kami sa birthday party ng isa pa naming barkada sa Timog. High school pa ko nun. Ang saya. Pero ngayon, shet, college na. Ang bilis pa ng araw. 17 na ko next year! Legal na ang iba sa 'min nun. Ako 2 years pa. Tumatanda na talaga kami. Kaya live life to the fullest. Time flies by so fast. Ay bago pa pala ako mag-17, magpaPasko at New Year muna. Masyado akong excited e. Haha.

Mahaba na 'to. Masyado akong madaldal. Haha. Thanks for taking the time to read though. Take care bloggers! :)

Once is enough, twice is stupidity and too much.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life that when the time I realize it, I regret it so much. But as time goes by, I realize that mistakes aren't so bad. Because I get to learn from it; and learning not to commit the same mistake again.

I've learned to say the line, "Once is enough, twice is stupidity and too much" to myself.

Just like my past wrongs, I know in time, I can accept and realize that this recent mistake I made will make me a wiser and better person. But not now. I'm still grieving over the fact that I lost a person over this. At least, that's what I want to think. I lost a friend, someone who made me realize that I can be happy again.. and someone who made me realize that I can open my heart again.

I know it was a wrong move. I never should have done it, or never should have said it, rather. I thought it was fine, for I thought it was just a passing feeling; a simple admiration for someone so nice to me and someone who makes me laugh and happy. But I never thought it could lead to something deeper, something I never expected to happen. It was not love. Let's say, it's better said as, a lot like love.

It was pretty fine at first. The friendship went on as it is, like nothing happened or like I never said anything. I felt relieved that he didn't change his ways towards me.

But things started to become hard and confusing for me. He knows. And we're friends. That sucks, 'cause I felt it first. It's not wrong to like someone, it's just that, what I did was wrong. Well, not so wrong, but just improper; not right. I never thought it was included in GUYS101 to not tell that you like him or have a little crush on him. I mean, what's the big deal? It's just a little crush. It's not like your world revolves around him.

And now.. things started to change. The first few weeks was pretty fine, I never noticed a change at all. But now, things are different. Wayyy too different. And it's quite sad. I know things will never be the same again. I don't even know how to talk to him or approach him.

I regret that I may completely lose the friendship. But you know, it was kind of my favorite mistake. I never thought I could have that courage. It was a first, and I opt not to do it again, I hope. Now, I don't know what to do. I don't know how things would be. I just hope for the better.

He's happy, I guess. And I should be, too.

Leave the false hopes behind, so I can finally move from where I stand.

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Blog post is edited due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know.

Of Happiness and Being Grateful

'Cause I've been in places where I couldn't even see the light of day, and then you came. And I'm grateful.. you showed me the way back to my beautiful..

Yes. Maybe God really has a reason why we crossed paths. That person came to my life for a purpose. I came to that person's life for a purpose too. And I know that purpose. When we met, I didn't realize it suddenly.. but days went and I knew, I wanted that person to be happy. And that person is now, happy than ever. And I am glad. But what I never expected or even wanted to like him. He made me happy. Hey you. do you know that? He made me happy without doing anything at all. Just talking to him made me happy. I was happy before he came. But when he did, I was happier than ever!

You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you know it's going to be a wonderful day? That feeling when you wake up in the morning and your day starts with a smile? That even when things go bad or from bad to worse and everything is so stressing, you know everything will be alright? That feeling when you see everything in a positive way? That feeling of wanting to wake up every day? That feeling when you get to appreciate life more? That feeling when you have every reason to live and live it to the fullest? That feeling of plain contentment and joy? It feels so good right? Yes, it does. It felt so good. He made me feel all these.

You see, he somehow came at the right time. I was in the verge of being somehow sad at times. That old feeling when I am looking for something I don't even know what. That feeling of filling up my emptiness. That feeling of finding and having something or someone who will find and put the remaining empty pieces of my heart back. That feeling of bringing my heart back to life. I am happy though even if I feel these at times. I am happy because I get to study at my preferred school, with my preferred course.. because I'm happy with my friends and my family.. and because I have a deeper relationship with God. I had every reason to want to live and every reason to be happy. But you know, I still was broken then. I still was picking up the remaining shattered pieces of my heart and fixing it back.

And he came. I didn't expect that he can make me happier. I didn't expect that I could like him more than a friend. I was in denial at first, because I said to myself that I still can't handle it if I fall real hard and get shattered all over again, worse than what happened to me then. I think I couldn't handle it. And besides, I'm not in a rush. But man, I just couldn't explain what I felt. I felt happy every time I talked to him. I knew it but still was thinking why I felt that way. Until I accepted it myself although I was super scared. I said I can't let it fall any deeper than what I was feeling then.

But sometimes, you are not just the key to someone's happiness. Sometimes, it is another person. And sometimes, you have to let go of your own happiness just to make that someone happy.

By doing that, I've finally done my purpose to him: for him to be happy.

And I realized what God wanted me to realize. I know I can like(as in super) or love again, I just don't want to believe it. He came, and I believed. I was unhopeful of being able to feel happiness again. He came, and I was able to be happier than ever. I was afraid of falling and getting hurt and taking risks. He came, and I conquered all those.

Basically, it was for me to realize not to give up on love and happiness. The door had always been open.. It's just me not wanting to go inside for fear of failing myself and my heart. Life is all about taking risks.

And so we are fair. He has finally done his purpose to me.

Moving forward... and we'll still be friends.. good friends. But still not now, I'm getting there.

Clarity.

I said to Cuz, "Labo kasi eh. Kaya ayoko ng ganito e." She said, "Alam mo, lilinaw rin ang lahat. Soon." So now is the 'soon'. I just didn't think it would be this soon.

Malabo noon, oo. Nalalabuan ako. Ilang beses na akong nalalabuan sa mga bagay-bagay. Pero hindi ko yun inisip. I mean, iniwasan kong isipin yun. Feeling ko kasi sayang ang oras ko kakaisip sa mga ganung bagay samantalang marami akong bagay na mas mahalaga pang gawin kesa dun. Malabo noon, malinaw na ngayon. Ngayon lang. Salamat sa technology.

May use rin pala ang pagsali sa isang community sa WWW, marami kang nalalaman at nadidiskubre. Gaya na lang ng nalaman ko. Ako lang nag-justify, pero parang sinampal sa mukha ko yung info na yun eh.

Malinaw na siya ngayon. Malinaw na naman siya noon e, ayaw ko lang tanggapin. Kinailangan ko lang ng confirmation dun sa taong yun. Kanina lang, nalaman ko.

Hindi naman ako nasaktan. Nalungkot lang ako. Nataon pa sa pag-release ng course cards ko. Badtrip pa naman ako sa dalawang grades ko. Dahilan kung bakit hindi ako masasali sa Dean's List. Ok lang, medyo nags-sink-in na rin siya ngayon. Pero mahirap pa rin. Alam ko kakayanin ko 'to.

2 days na pala akong nandito sa GenSan. Simula nung September 5. Pero parang kahapon lang. Ang bilis.

Well, at least, malinaw na sa 'kin ang lahat ngayon. Hindi na 'ko mac-confuse. Hindi na akong magdadalawang isip kung itutuloy ko pa ba 'to or hindi na.

Isang experience 'to na madadala ko nanaman sa pagpapatuloy ko sa buhay ko. First time 'to ulit. Madaming first time at first time ulit. Nalaman ko na after how long, kaya ko pa palang maging masaya ulit. Yung mas masaya pa sa kasiyahan ko dati. Nalaman ko na, kaya ko pang buksan ang puso ko. Kasi sobrang takot ako noon. After "the" incident back in 3rd year.. natakot talaga akong mahulog ulit. Na-paranoid ako. Nahirapan akong mag-trust sa tao sa mga ganung cases. Alam kong matagal na ang 2 years, pero ganun eh. Mahirap pag puso na ang pinag-uusapan.

Ayoko na. Tama na. :) Magiging masaya rin ako talaga, someday. Friends kami, ok na yun. At sakanya, I learned to overcome my fear.

Kaya kung binabasa mo 'to ngayon, salamat.

Thank you God. You answered my prayer, once again. :)

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Blog post was changed due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know.

I had a dream.

After such a long time of not dreaming.. i had a dream. I thought it was real at first. Haha. But when I woke up I realized, hindi pala. :))

It was kind of weird. But it's really funnyyyyyyy for me :)) Sa lahat ba naman ng mapapanaginipan ko, yun pa? Salamat sa'yo, nanaginip ako ulit. Haha.

Float like a coke float, sprite float and whatever float. Whatever floats your boat!
--
Okay so now im hungry.

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lagot, wala naman siguro nakakabasa pa neto ulit dba. :)) HAHA. not in my multiply. im going to erase the link. haha.
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This blog entry is edited due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know. :p I'll put my blog link back in my multiply.

Hayyy.

O well. So, it's Friday and there are no classes for high school and college students. It's for the SK Registration thingy. Ayun.

My day went well. Super! It started happy. Hahaha. Why? Because of good friends making me laugh. :) Then I went to school to get my yearbook.

Sht. I never thought I could step foot at OLGM again. So when I did, grabe... it felt so sad. I imagined things though. Like.. pagpasok ko pa lang sa gate, akala ko parang naka-uniform ako ng OL. Pumapasok ako dun. Then, there were people sa canteen, tambay sa umbrellas. Naglalakad galing sa HS building. The usual stuff I see at school. Students na magulo and all. Kumakain. But step back into reality, there's nothing there. It's just the guards, the tall grasses (i bet hindi na sya pinutol since graduation), the trees, the rustling of the leaves... It's just OLGM.. plain & bare. A place that won't be the same again. If it's still open, it should have been a place where students go to learn.. where students fill in their memories, the good and the bad.. where students walk, run, and have fun around.. at the gym, classroom, hallways, canteen, Grace Park and anywhere.. where students greet their teachers when they meet them.. where those lower batches stayed and continue filling in memories of their Alma Mater. But they are nowhere to be found. No students, no teachers. It's sad being there.

It's just a memory relived once again. And we will never forget that place. A place where wonderful memories, dreams & aspirations were made, where camraderie was practiced, where treasured friends were bonded and where teachers made a difference.

In my 4 years of my life, it has been a part of me. 4 years may probably be somewhat short compared to others who were there all their lives. But in those 4 years, I learned to love my Alma Mater. In that institution, I learned so much. From boosting my confidence, having belief in myself, etc. And there, I met wonderful people. Friends, mentors, teachers.. they were the ones who made my stay there so worthwhile. They were the ones whom I created memories with.. memories that I will treasure forever. So, now I'm in college.. I miss them badly! Super iba pa rin talaga. But anyway, ganun talaga. I hope there would be another reunion and hopefully, mas madami kami! Hehe.

I miss everything about High School.

I felt sad leaving the school gates. Siguro yun yung last time na gagawin ko yun. But then, hopefully not. Sana makapasok pa ko ulit dun. With my HS friends naman. Hehe.

It would be a place that won't be forgotten. It may be different in 3 or 4 years from now, but it would still be the same place for us, Montessorians. It would still be OLGMSC in our minds. :)

So enough with the drama.

Wow, this day started well and ended well. So full of laughter. Those two friends made my day. Haha. :) Hey you both, thanks! Haha.
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..i may be all alone tonight, but i believe in the magic that someone, is meant to sit beside me someday..

Thank you God.

sandali na lng
maaari bang pag bigyan
aalis na nga
maaari bang hawakan ang iyong mga kamay
sana ay maabot ng langit ang iyong mga ngiti
sana ay masilip

refrain:
wag kang mag alala
di ko ipipilit sayo
kahit na lilipad ang isip ko'y torete sayo

ilang gabi pa nga lang
ng tayo'y pinagtagpo
na parang may tumulak
nanlalamig, nanginginig na ako

akala ko nung una
may bukas ang ganito
mabuti pang umiwas
pero salamat na rin at nagtagpo

---
Wow.
Thanks ha.
Thanks for clarifying things even without saying it.
I get it.

Thank you God. :)

Hey you, it's nice that I met you.
You're nice and you're my friend.
You'll always be.
Buti na lang.

Ang galing talaga ni God.
Sinagot Niya agad yung confusion ko.

But then again, things just aren't the same.
I'm gonna miss those.
Though that was only for a while, it made an impact.
And thanks for making me smile again. :p

Laugh trip pa rin, ha?