It's funny...

..how my heart used to jump at the sound of the MSN new e-mail message and see it coming from MySpace.

..how I run over to MySpace to look at my new comments only to be disappointed that it's not from you.

..how I make it a point to wake up early in the morning 2 hours before lunch time during the summer just to catch you and talk to you.

..how I used to be so paranoid if I should talk or not. Then again, you always talk first.

..how you made me feel a lot of things at the same time that I cannot comprehend.

..how my heart still jumps at the sound of the MSN new e-mail message and see it coming from MySpace, then realizing that it's not from you and will never be from you... at this time of the year.

..how we used to be really good friends and now we grew apart.

..how pathetic that I write all these stuff when I'm supposed to be thinking if I should let go and move on.

..how I always say that I'll let go and move on when in truth, I actually can't. And don't want to.

Srsly, what's there to let go of? A good friendship since forever? Definitely not. The happiness I feel? No, I don't want to feel again the numbness I felt. Then what? ...I'm afraid if I let this feeling go, whatever this feeling is, that I might go back to being sad and unalive. I definitely don't want that.

Then what am I to do? Hold on? It's scary. Holding on to something you are unsure or have no assurance of. It makes me think if what I'm doing is right. Or if this is worth it. Or maybe I'm just holding on because this is what makes me happy for the moment? I tried moving on, for two months I did. I thought it would be better. But no, it didn't do any better. I felt not myself. And then I stopped. Click. Boom. I finally saw the light. I made myself accept the facts that I was trying so hard to deny.

Or maybe I'm just holding on because I'm scared to move on and let the past go? No. I'm not scared. I've been scared moving on but usually I'm successful with it. Letting the past go? Well, maybe I haven't totally let the past go. Because surely, most people would agree with me on this, the old times were so much better. Back when life was simpler and you were young and all you care about are your toys and all that stuff kids appreciate. Don't you miss the old days? We complicate as we grow older. And life becomes complicated as well. I believe I've let go of the past. Let go, not forget. I learned from it, a lot. And I moved on. Or else I won't be here. I won't be where I am today and I definitely won't fight for what I want. I definitely won't want to prove to people how I can stand up again from a hard fall. I definitely won't be this a better person.

So what?

I have so much thoughts left to ponder on.

Life, that's just the way it is. And we have to deal with it.

It's funny, how I still hold on to something I have no hold of.

Thought you should know I tried my best to let go of you But I don't want to.

Well..

I can't exactly think the right words to put in this post. Or rather, I can't think of what to post! LOL. So... well, I've just been reading my secret blog and maybe I'll post tidbits of it on my next post. I'm not really in the mood to write. Though I really want to. Haha. I have a lot to say though. I just need time to figure the right words to say.

Anyways, I just want to share this painting. I really love the meaning behind this.


This piece entitled Wanderer above the Sea of Fog says so much about life. The wanderer is at the top of a mountain looking over and facing other mountains though it's very foggy. It says so much about our goals in life, on reaching it and our struggles before we do. No matter how much we fall down, if we're brave enough to face it and stand up again, we'll get to reach our goals. This represents our triumph over the struggles in life. Hence, the wanderer standing at the top of the mountain.

And you see the wanderer facing the sea of fog, though represents the uncertainties of life and future, he stands there bravely. He doesn't escape the things he's supposed to face no matter how scary the uncertainties of the future are. Really, who doesn't think that uncertainties are scary? Well for me it is scary. It takes a lot of courage to face it.

Whoo HARTDS2! Haha, I learned about this in our class. I can relate, I think most of us do, so I really loved it-- mostly the meaning behind the painting. ;) Did I make sense? Haha, I get so confusing at times when explaining. :)) I hope I did. ;)

Hey, this is really not what I wanted to blog. Just came up to me. Haha. Yeah, later when I have more to say. Now, I'll go read MySpace novels. XD