Self fail.

I knew that there were no guarantees. No way of knowing what came next for me, or him, or anybody. Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.
-Sarah Dessen

Screwing up for the past 2 weeks of school. Damn it. I didn't start my year right. Everything's just... a failure.

I'm disappointed with myself.

I'm at this point where I'm bored, lazy and would just want to sleep and stay at home all day. With no priorities, deadlines, and other stuff needed to be done.

I want to go on and make myself better but I don't know, I just screw it up. My sleeping habit is so messed up, my school performance is fcuked up. As in big time. Sure I mean, it's fine. But it's just that I'm too lazy doing the things I need to do that I end up doing things I want to do.

I don't like disappointing myself. It makes me feel frustrated. Like I know I can do something about it, but whenever I try to, I fail with it. And it makes me a lot more frustrated.

Things are not better. Well, lifestyle-wise and school-wise.

I am happy. But I want to be happy in a sense that it makes me a better person. But it doesn't. So I may just THINK I am happy, but I'm really not? I don't know. I'm too 'relaxed' these days.

I'm so messed up. This isn't just me. :(

I'm just really really really disappointed with myself. And I have no one to talk about it. :( Makes me all the more disappointed. And sad :(

Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you’re going to do now - and do it.
— William Durant

Never let success go to your head and never let failure go to your heart.

“Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

—	Winston Churchill

Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.

—	George Washington Carver

“We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.”

—	Grey’s Anatomy

What's happened to me?

I often wake up late. I stay up late. I didn't do my research paper. I didn't go to class. I am addicted to Tumblr. I am tired. My back hurts. I think my head is going to explode. Well not really.

....

Okay. Yes, new term and I often wake up late. So I run late to school, OR I just don't go to class. How am I going to make it if I wake up at 8am and my class is at 9, and my travel time is 1 and a half hour? I rarely make it. Lol.

I didn't do my research paper for DESNCON. Yes, screwed. But I woke up late. Stayed up late 'cos I watched Obama's inauguration on TV. Lol. So.. yeah.

I feel like I have a lot to do tomorrow. We'll try to do a FOTOGRA shoot, then Imma print our PROFES1 group requirements, ATM.. well, it's not so much maybe. But that involves a lot of walking and waiting. I'm working out my muscles right there tomorrow. HAHAHA. Or later I mean.

I still have to do our PARTDES report powerpoint. Sondesn. Uhm, Deskpub. Desncon. Desncon. Oh yeah. Pretty much that. Lalalala, I thought my new year's resolution is to not procastinate ever again this year? Not to cram? Well..

New year resolution FAIL.

My favorite day is Tuesday. I'm loving FOTOGRA. Thursdays are fine. PROFES1 is cool. I love Mondays and Fridays. Hooray no classes. And my least favorite is Wednesday. Thank you very much.

Where is my playtime?

So much to do, so little time. But well, I complain too much. I shouldn't have time doing this right? But I do. Because I want to. And it's 2:20am. And I'm hungry. Back hurts. I need massage.

Even if my least favorite day is Wednesday, yesterday was pretty much nice. Very nice. Well, happy. Because because because.... :D OHMYGOSH. I feel like jumping up and down. Hahahaha. Only Jesy and Cerisse know about this. And my brother. Haha. I decided not to tell too many people yet 'cos it may not push through if I did. Maudlot pa. HAHA. But at least, it's possible. YES IT IS POSSIBLE. :D Weeyoweeyowee! :D My brother doesn't know how I feel about it btw. I just told him because he knows that person I'm talking about. Or.. well, they're pretty much "friends" now. HAHA. And I love it when they talk. Buh uhm, I'm crossing my fingers. :x

And a guy and a girl can be just friends but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
-Dave Matthews

Pic sharing guys! :D From our FOTOGRA class. Lol.





--


(via perplexigirl)

You don't know how much you make me happy. Yes, still. 2008 = YOU.
And you know what I'd really really concentrate on when that happens? Simple. Try to not let you hear my pounding heartbeat like it's gonna rip from my chest. I'd probably get scared getting near you because of that. Lol.

Who cares if you read this or not. You might. But, you wouldn't know you're the one I'm talking about anyway. :D ;)

Hello new term, Hello stress!

So yeah, school started just last week. I was okay with going to school at first but when I realized it was already the night before school, I suddenly wasn’t feeling like going. But what can I do? Lol. I have to. My body clock was still messed up then. And it still is. Well at least I’m not sleeping at 5 in the morning now. So that’s an improvement, I guess. =]]

This term, I don’t have classes every Mondays and Fridays. Haha. Goodie! First week was cool. But well, when 2nd week started, I feel like I’m going to burst. LOL. No, just my mind. Or.. gah, I can’t explain what I’m feeling when I’m starting to get stressed. I know I’m stressed when I have this certain feeling inside me. Idk, uhm, a stressed feeling? Lol. School works are just starting to pile up. I thought 2nd week will not be so full of works yet, but noooo, I was so totally wrong. Maybe this is what I really get for being almost junior. (Damn, the floor’s so cold. Lol. I feel like I’m in Baguio.)

DESKPUB(Desktop Publishing) is fine. Although we have stuff to do on that already, but it’s all cool. My prof is the same one I had last term on COMGRAP(Computer Graphics). Again, we have to make a logo. Never-ending logo making! Lol. But I’m having fun with it. It’s funny with all the concepts my mind come up with. We were asked to do 3 logo studies each, for a design studio, construction company and a bar/restaurant. I’m already done with the logo studies. I just have to scan it again ‘cause I think it wasn’t scanned on high resolution yesterday when I asked my parent's’ secretary to scan it for me ‘cause I was running late for school. So since I’ve no class tomorrow, I’m gonna use if for doing school stuff. No play time this time. Maybe after I finish all the work that needs to be done.

On DESNCON(Design Concepts), we were asked to do a research of the topic we picked. I got Aromatherapy. >.< The topics listed were not related to arts at all. There’s no topic related to art. And we’re supposed to get the sources not just from the internet or books but from interviews as well. I’m going to interview uhm, someone from the spa or something? LOL. AND IT’S EFFIN’ DUE NEXT WEEK. And we have to present it in front of the whole class. We’re just 20, AFAIK. It’s cool. Butbutbuttt, can it not be at least 2 weeks preparation? :( It’s like a class for preparation for our thesis. So it’s like on our finals, we’re going to do a mini-theses thing. Present it to the panelists, defend it, and stuff. OMG, panelists. But I think I’m going to do a website. I can do just one right? At least that’s what I thought I heard. We’re gonna pick what we want to do. ‘Cause if we’re going to do website, logo, TV ad, and all that stuff.. OMG. That’s total suicide. We have to have a group in that case. But I guess we’re just going to pick one since we’re not grouped.

And then on our PROFES1(Professional Ethics) class, I was absent last meeting ‘cause my mom told me not to go to school. LOL. Lame. They were asked to form a group for a business company. So I had no group. As I mentioned, Kevin, Cerisse and CJ already grouped with Angela since I wasn’t there. But yesterday, I was grouped with.. well I don’t know them. I just know that one of them became my classmate in FREHAND class last term. One is MMA like me, and the other is Production Design. Yes, we’re just 3 in a group. It’s supposed to be 4. So one of us has to have 2 “jobs”. And.. WELL, HELLO. It just had to be me. I’m the secretary and the treasurer as well. Great. Money. Math. >.< But I think I can do that. Well, I know I can. :p So we’re gonna have reporting and also, we have to come up with 4k by the end of the term. Yes, freshhhh moolah. 4k by group, that is. I guess, the good thing about that is, if we have 4k then we’re gonna have more than 1k each. HOORAH. LOL. So we need to find a client or clients, and do business with them. It’s like a mini-OJT. Lol. I feel like I’m getting old. HAH. We need to come up with a company name and the vision/mission as well to pass next week.

And then, what else? OMG HAHAHAHA. On our PARTDES(Philippine Art and Design), since we(Camae, CJ, Cerisse and I) didn’t, or to better put it, wasn’t able to go to class last meeting because we were late. And then we were at MOA as well, and they decided not to go to class. Did someone tell us that the prof didn’t allow those who were late to come to class? I’m not sure. So we ended up, as I said in my last entry, after Krispy Kreme, in National Bookstore trying to solve that puzzle cube(idk what it’s called) in the children’s section. LOL. AND SO. Those who were absent last meeting should make a paper explaining why we were not in class last week. LMAO. What if my prof reads this? Now I’m not sure if I should just post this on my Windows Live Space or cross-post it in my blog. (Btw, I’m writing this in Windows Live Writer, jsyk.) HAHA. OMG. AND AND AND. Funny thing is, I’m classmates with my crush like back in 1st year. LMAO. I didn’t notice at first! And then Darden came to supposedly sit in(but she didn’t anyway) and said it to me. HAHAHA. But anyways, that’s 2 years ago already. Damn, 1st year college was 2 years ago! It was just like really last month? Ha ha.

So, yeah. Basically that’s it. NSTPCWS is mostly of lecture in the coming weeks. It’s not until the 5th week that we actually go out and do community service. FOTOGRA is mostly of the basics on the first day. But I like it already! Most probably because I really like to learn more about Photography. Now I’m thinking, if I should go film first then switch digital. During class, I thought I should go film first since I want to learn about it too. But now I’m not sure after I saw the other 107 students in the lobby taking photos and using digital. Plus film is kind of expensive with all the photo prints and stuff. I kind of had a bit of information overload on the first day. But good thing my prof stopped before I go totally overloaded. My professor is 63 years old btw. But he doesn’t look like his age! Maybe younger. He’s cool. I think he’s the same prof Anna had with her FOTOGRA last term. It was not supposed to be him but our original prof can’t teach this term, I think, for some reasons.

Talking about professors, I get really inspired from them since they work in the industry and they give us tips and all that. They teach us not just about the subject they’re teaching but also about how to go about in the industry and they tell us stories on how they started or other people’s stories. It’s so inspiring. Like I wanna be like them someday. It just makes my already big dreams, bigger. It’s like letting me know that my dreams are not impossible to reach. Like my PROFES1 professor, I often agree with what he said on yesterday’s discussion. I get inspired with the Filipino artists who made it big internationally. It’s not really like I want to go or my goal is to go international, of course I’d like that when opportunity comes but it’s not what my focus is really on, it’s just that it makes me realize more that nothing is really impossible. That even when your dreams seem too far to reach, it’s not impossible. It also made me realize that along with being on the creative industry, could also be a way of achieving my dream of going around the world. Not exactly around, but just go places. I wanna go places! In every meaning of that phrase. I dream of going to more than 5 countries before I die. It’s a must. The future may seem like a long way to go, but time’s running so fast. You may not know it but the future may just be the present already. All the things I learn along the way just make me so much more focused and determined on my goals. I know I dream BIG a lot. And people may say things about it. There may be obstacles. But that’s just life. You fall, you try to get back up there. If people try to bring you down, prove to them that you can’t be brought down. You fail, you learn from your mistakes. You succeed, be grateful and don’t forget about the people you’ve met. Be it the people who inspired you or the people who tried to bring you down. At the end of the day, they’re still those people who got you to where you are and defined you for who you are.

--
Hmm, you know I think I should print that out and post it somewhere in my room where I can see it everyday. Ha ha. I inspire myself. I hope I’m always like that. Optimistic and inspired. And happy.

And oh, it’s so cold these days! 18 degrees C? And Baguio is like 7-8 degrees. And Benguet is on 3 degrees. Record-breaking for Benguet, I think. Lol. News say it’s going to go lower until February. I want to wear my winter jacket outside. LOL.

K so I decided I’ll post this on both my Space and blog. :]]

Sorry for the longggg post. I know you guys are busy enough to read this. But thanks anyway! :)

A New Year, A New Post.

So after one month, I decided to go into my Blogger again and change the template. I found this one on Blogskins. I wanted to make this kind of layout for a long time now but don't have the time to.. and I didn't know how to as well. HAHA. Loser. My CSS shits are kind of out-dated now. The layout looks clean, doesn't it? I think it is. That's why I love it! I like clean and simple looks now. Gone are the days that I used to like so much splattered brushed and all that.

So last Christmas, we had a family Christmas Party. It's held annually now, haha. It began when it was just me and my mom at home 'cos my brothers and cousins had a gig in Davao back in 2006. And my dad went with them so we were left alone. My brother's girlfriend went at home from time to time to check us and hang out with us or drive us somewhere. Then we just had the idea of having a Christmas party along with family friends, cousins' family and the others left behind here so it wouldn't be so lonely. And it all started there. It's something I look forward to every year.

On 2008, we held it at our new home in Fairview. I just realized then that we celebrate it on a different house every year. Haha. Those were the times when we moved houses. Too bad it rained so we started out late. :( But still it was fun cos we had an intermission number for every family. It was my idea to put it in so it would be so much fun. My dad and brothers played 3 Beatles songs. My dad sang and played the bass. Then, my 2 cousins who used to be the vocalists in their band sang as well. So it was like a mini-reunion. Ha ha. And I had it all captured on video! We had games, of course. The most fun was the Hep-hep hooray game. It was so funny watching them! My 2nd brother, as our representative, won! Hahaha. And there are a LOT of kids now. Ngayong year kasi, may 2 families na nadagdag. Haha. My cousin's and my uncle's family. Ang kukulit! But they're so cute and adorable. XD Madadagdagan pa since my cousin's wife just gave birth last November and my sister-in-law will give birth this April. I gotta admit, I'm not so used to having kids around. But I guess I have to get used to it now. This just means I'm getting older. =]]

I wanna transfer the videos on my computer ASAP so I can edit and upload it on YouTube or Vimeo or somewhere. But I'm having problems with the cables and stuff. =[

New Year was kinda fun as well. My mom invited the kids from Children's Joy Foundation and they sang Christmas carols. Hehe. But man, it was so SO SO LOUD OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE. AND THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE. LMAO. I'm being sarcastic. =]] Srsly, there were no people at all. Cars were just passing by us and some people walking but I haven't seen a single neighbor outside their house. In our old village, New Year's the only time we get to interact and see people outside their home. But here? LOL. The road's so clean. It was still fun though.. because of the food. And it rained as well. Boo. =]]

My brother and I just played Ragnarok. BAHAHA. Who would've thought I'd come back and play again? Just not on iRO though. We're now playing on a private server. My friend invited me to play, and I just thought why not? It's something I can do to pass my time. Or relax when I'm stressed. Or it just simply reads: PROCASTINATION. Hahaha. But noooo, I don't want that this year. I DON'T WANT TO CRAM EVER AGAIN. I mean, just not this year. This year will be a tough one. I'm in my last term as a sophomore. And I say hello to majors on junior year. Whenever I think about what's going to happen this year, it overwhelms me like a lot. But I want to believe I can do it. I can survive. Yes, I know I can. I just need confidence. =[ I lack that. STILL. And I hate it. And I'm going to turn 18 five months from now. And my mom told me to arrange things as early as now. =o =o

As for school stuff, our term started on Wednesday. Umm, I didn't go to my second class. WHOOPS. Sreh. Hahaha. WE DIDN'T. Cerisse, Camae, CJ and I. We went to MOA to eat at Kamay Kainan! :D FREE! Haha. Then we window shopped, as usual. Then we went to Krispy Kreme then CJ said that we shouldn't go to school. HAHAHA. Then suddenly Cerisse and Camae agreed cos they were lazy. BOO. And I wanted to go to class!!! I told them I'll be a GOOD INFLUENCE to them. ROFL. But it was 3 vs. 1. And I lost. HAHA. So we stayed at Krispy Kreme then went around the mall. I bought a book at National Bookstore called Exit Here. I wanted to buy 2 but my money wasn't enough. The title of the other book I wanted to buy was, Wait for me, so I TALKED TO THE BOOK lmao and said, "Okay, wait for me!". Haha. Oh I was just willing to spend 500 bucks that day. I wanna save. So I'll come back for the other books later. And I wanna buy that cube thingy we were trying to solve to be a cube? I can't explain it. HAHA. Anyway it looks like this:

Googled it! Haha. We were all sitting on the floor ON THE CHILDREN'S SECTION trying to solve that. =]] It was so frustrating. You think you have nearly solved it but NOOOO, there's this empty spot in the middle or somewhere and you just don't know where to put the other cubes. What a problem eh? Haha. So we gave up and went back to school.

Sorry for lying, folks. =[ I've been a bad girl. =]] I don't wanna do that next week and the weeks after that. BLAME CJ! Haha. I don't wanna spend too much money. We'll just go to the computer lab and just go on the internet. =]]

Yesterday, I didn't go to school cos my mom said so. BOO. =[ My brothers weren't home yet that time cos the car broke down or something in Tagaytay. I don't know what happened really though. So, most likely my dad got lazy driving me to school. AND my mom didn't want me to commute. So I won't go to school. BAH. I felt bad about it and just slept the whole day. And now I'm screwed cos they were asked to form a group for a business company and it's allowed to have only 4 members and Cerisse, CJ, Kevin and Angela are groupmates since I wasn't there. And they're already four. So no more room for me. =[ Ohhaii. I can do it. Time to meet new people, yeah? I suck at that sometimes. I get scared. LOL. =[

I think I'm gonna play Ragnarok now or read a book. Or go to tumblr. Or something. I've no class today since I'm off every Monday and Friday. Goodie! :D I wanna watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. And download the new ep of Gossip Girl. DAMNNNN. I haven't watched they Ep14 yetttt! =[[[ This one's pretty long now. Thanks for reading though! :) Happy New Year! =]

I'm gonna leave you guys with this YouTube video I found:

I didn't know someone translated it to english. Haha. Pretty cool. =] I'll always love this song.