Full of love, full of hate, full of hope, full of faith

You know what's been really ticking me off today? Hate.

The world is full of hate and haters. I don't get it. Don't people get tired of it? I mean, I 'hate' too but with others it's like they're pouring out their frustrations in life over some things like the WWW or they simply can't find anything to do with their lives.

Now wonder I get too stressed when I browse over those Plurks. Yes, it's Plurk. Sure it's their Plurk and I can always unfollow them but gah, I just the one who left and froze my Karma. But that's not exactly it, it's those people replying. Sometimes. Some are rude, some are annoyingly sarcastic, some are.. well, they just don't really float my boat. I guess. I've been thinking of deleting my account for how long already but thought how it would be too sayang since it's also been my home for quite a long time.

I never really cared before. But I don't know. I'm now even pissed at some people who doesn't know or don't care enough about their priorities or responsibilities. When you tell someone you're gonna work this out and at first you really agreed, sacrificed things for it and stuff, you do it. But then, there comes a time when there's this another thing that comes up and you take it and you take the other for granted. I understand that person though. But what I didn't get and still I DON'T get is whenever I contact and tell something, that person wouldn't even care to reply! For effin' one week and it really got to me. Makes the things I do harder. I don't like being left hanging. And when you get the chance to talk to the person who tells you stories about the whats and whys and you'd understand anyway. But then, tells you he needs to finish the things he needs to do first and he's starting to want to give up already because the work is hard and he's busy and SUPER BUSY, I mean, isn't that BS?! Like most of us aren't? Like I'm not? Like I'm not tired? Like the others doing the work aren't tired enough from their regular work?! When you want something, YOU MAKE TIME FOR IT. And not make excuses. And what more when school starts? Then that person will have lesser time for it now? What about the other students who had the time to do it?

Agh, I'm just too pissed with it. I guess you can't really try to get some people grow with you when you are and when you want to. Things are already harder than usual, but I wanna carry on, press on, go on because I want to and I'm happy with what's up with me right now.

And yes, the hate? The world is full of them, I know. It won't go away even if I wish it would. In the WWW, Twitter's peaceful for me so I like it better. And Tumblr, oh Tumblr, it's so full of love. :) That's why I love it there. Facebook is alright. :) But I've been liking life outside this net world. I've finally read my books, not all but at least two of them I've already finished. I wasn't on for 2 days because I got tired and sick. I've never been sick for quite a long time. So yeah. :]

When school comes, which is this 20th, I'm probably gonna get stuck again in this computer. Hello Junior year! =o I'll be graduating next year, hopefully. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And I've now got to manage my time better. I know I will.

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
-The Climb, Miley Cyrus

I love that song. :)

It's not how you start the race, it's how you finish it.

All we need is love, people. All we need is love.

What's happened to me?

I often wake up late. I stay up late. I didn't do my research paper. I didn't go to class. I am addicted to Tumblr. I am tired. My back hurts. I think my head is going to explode. Well not really.

....

Okay. Yes, new term and I often wake up late. So I run late to school, OR I just don't go to class. How am I going to make it if I wake up at 8am and my class is at 9, and my travel time is 1 and a half hour? I rarely make it. Lol.

I didn't do my research paper for DESNCON. Yes, screwed. But I woke up late. Stayed up late 'cos I watched Obama's inauguration on TV. Lol. So.. yeah.

I feel like I have a lot to do tomorrow. We'll try to do a FOTOGRA shoot, then Imma print our PROFES1 group requirements, ATM.. well, it's not so much maybe. But that involves a lot of walking and waiting. I'm working out my muscles right there tomorrow. HAHAHA. Or later I mean.

I still have to do our PARTDES report powerpoint. Sondesn. Uhm, Deskpub. Desncon. Desncon. Oh yeah. Pretty much that. Lalalala, I thought my new year's resolution is to not procastinate ever again this year? Not to cram? Well..

New year resolution FAIL.

My favorite day is Tuesday. I'm loving FOTOGRA. Thursdays are fine. PROFES1 is cool. I love Mondays and Fridays. Hooray no classes. And my least favorite is Wednesday. Thank you very much.

Where is my playtime?

So much to do, so little time. But well, I complain too much. I shouldn't have time doing this right? But I do. Because I want to. And it's 2:20am. And I'm hungry. Back hurts. I need massage.

Even if my least favorite day is Wednesday, yesterday was pretty much nice. Very nice. Well, happy. Because because because.... :D OHMYGOSH. I feel like jumping up and down. Hahahaha. Only Jesy and Cerisse know about this. And my brother. Haha. I decided not to tell too many people yet 'cos it may not push through if I did. Maudlot pa. HAHA. But at least, it's possible. YES IT IS POSSIBLE. :D Weeyoweeyowee! :D My brother doesn't know how I feel about it btw. I just told him because he knows that person I'm talking about. Or.. well, they're pretty much "friends" now. HAHA. And I love it when they talk. Buh uhm, I'm crossing my fingers. :x

And a guy and a girl can be just friends but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
-Dave Matthews

Pic sharing guys! :D From our FOTOGRA class. Lol.





--


(via perplexigirl)

You don't know how much you make me happy. Yes, still. 2008 = YOU.
And you know what I'd really really concentrate on when that happens? Simple. Try to not let you hear my pounding heartbeat like it's gonna rip from my chest. I'd probably get scared getting near you because of that. Lol.

Who cares if you read this or not. You might. But, you wouldn't know you're the one I'm talking about anyway. :D ;)

I wanna be superhuman.

So I have downloaded the latest version of Firefox and along with it, downloaded lots of add-ons and themes compatible with the new version. This is why I actually love Firefox, for its add-ons. It makes life so much easier for me. Ha ha. I can have everything I have online like IMs, emails, social networking sites, etc., in just this browser. I have Foxclocks too so I know what time it is where ever in the world. Cool yeah? :D It's just boo though cos the Multiply and MySpace toolbar won't work for the latest version. I hope they update soon. I have the Facebook Toolbar though, at least. Then I won't be lazy opening my Facebook account now. I also downloaded the Gmail notifier, Yoono, CTRL-Tab, Save Session, and others I can't remember anymore. :]] I'm loving my themes. Right now, my browser is color light green. Ha ha. :]]

Anyways. School has been taking much of my time lately, as it always does actually. I actually don't like this term very much cos this term had me really scared like crazy. Every single freakin' day I think I'm going to have a heart attack just thinking or imagining of what will happen during the day. It's actually mostly because of ORALCOM. It really catches me off guard. I hate not being able to prepare myself beforehand with things that's out of my comfort zone. It's okay going out of that comfort zone if and only if I am prepared. If not, well, my heart has probably--if it can-- ripped out of my chest already. Yeah.

Aside from all those scary things(for me at least), life's been going well. Since my family, friends and I went to MOA(that place on the bayside, forgot the name) to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I don't know, it just had me come back to my rightful place. It made me happier and brighter, at least. And that's good yeah? :D

So these days has been the most scariest rides of my life. For one, well I really don't know. Mmm.. next is because finals is nearing and that means dozens of projects all piled up for deadlines. I think I have mentioned that on my previous post. It just keeps getting worse everyday the deadline comes close. Ohwell. I just want this term to end. Until that day comes, I'm just going to have to hold my breath and continue living this shit. I'm not the one who easily gives up but I actually thought of already giving up things like school responsibilities, like I don't wanna do them anymore. Good thing I still have this positive side in me which actually saved me from giving in to being physically and emotionally weak. I could have had an emotional breakdown! But some things just keep me going and strong. I have to.

As you can see, this blog has been my medium for putting my repressed emotions. So my blog posts will kind of contain these rants until the term ends. You'll have to bear with me on that. ;)

I've finished reading Breaking Dawn as well, last Sunday. It's been hard reading it with me left hanging on what will happen next 'cause I have to do my more prioritized things to-do. But yeah, I loved it. Not as much as I loved Twilight and the other books in the series though. But it's all good. I am happy and satisfied with how it ended. Some people didn't like it and yeah probably because of the too perfect ending. I think it would have been much better if there was a fight. I was really hoping there would be a fight but I was left disappointed. But oh wells, it's okay, I'm a sucker for happy endings anyway. ;) I'm re-reading Twilight again on my free time. My brother's reading it as well but he's so slow. Ha ha. :]]

Went to SM Fairview today to buy a dress for my HS classmate's debut on Saturday. I thought I'm going to have a facial treatment but they won't allow it since I guess they don't think the scars from all that pricking will wear off on Saturday so I just had a cleaning instead. I loveeedd it! Lmao, I love every thing that causes me to relax these days. It feels good having that kind of pampering amidst all the stress. It's been hard a gold or silver dress cos that's what it says on the invitation! Come in gold or silver. Wth. Ha ha :]]

I think this one's pretty long now. ARGH. I'm not planning to write a post at all today! :]] Have to go. Kbye :)

You know what sucks?

K so I haven't really posted a real update for the past uh, weeks. I wasn't planning to blog tonight but I just have to rant this thing I have been thinking of since last week. It just got into me though it often happens to us for the longest time.

So before that, I'm going to excuse myself for not being able to blog. Although this won't really be a valid one since my schoolmates have been able to update theirs no matter how busy it is in school these days. It's not THAT busy though, I just like to be 'busy'. :)) But forealz, it's August now and all the workload has been dumped into us by our professors, and they're not even our design/major profs! Okay, maybe I'm just lazy. And whenever I thought of updating, I'm not able to do it since I'm being distracted by either Plurk or the Twilight updates. Soyeah.

I'm gonna talk about my life these days. Seriously I've never felt this scared. Like everyday, you're scared of something, like something is going to happen terrible. Almost every single freakin' day, I'm scared that I almost would not want to live the day but I have to. There's this voice inside me that says I have to get through the day, that I should. It's not suicidal okay? :)) It's just like I want to escape the everyday stresses and fears I'm experiencing. One reason for that is ORALCOM. I hate public speaking. I obviously am not confident with myself. I know it's those kind of things I have to improve but fear just gets in the way. Main reason why I have these quotes written on my Starbucks Planner, "Don't ever let fear hold you back." and "Why worry if you can pray?", so I won't get so scared and worry so much anymore. I wasn't having this problem back in high school, maybe a little bit, but not this kind of fear. Back in high school, we were trained to speak in front a lot during our Speech Laboratory classes and we were so used to it that it helped me gain my confidence. Back in senior year, I had to speak in front of the whole school body and deliver my speech during our Student Council Miting De Avance and didn't have any problem with that. I feel like my self-confidence has decreased to a depressing level. And I don't like that, it makes me feel frustrated about myself.

Second is that... well, *can't think of any other reason*, OHYEAH, P.E.! :)) Just because I don't know anyone there. Though I'm getting better with talking to people in that class and I now have people to play table tennis with. So I'm kind of okay with that now. *insert dancing banana here*

K next. It's August now.. which means, last month of the term; finals; more plates; projects; more projects; and of course, BREAKING DAWN RELEASE! So that last one makes my August bearable. *dancing banana* I told you above that our prof dumped us bunch of workloads, specifically our PHILIEN(Philippine Literature in English) professor. We have to make a scrapbook consisting of the things we treasure most and a comics interpreting Bringing the Dolls, and it's all due on Tuesday! We also need to create a magazine about ourselves(I think) for the finals. Talk about expenses. I'm broke, you know. I just spent my savings on buying a new optical mouse and a 1GB DDR2 RAM for my PC. I don't regret buying it though, why of course why would I? It made my computer perform faster! *dancing banana again* And I wouldn't have to lag so much when AVG scans my computer, just like what it's doing now, and I'm not lagging unlike before *annoyed emoticon from plurk*. Also, I wouldn't have to deal with my old mouse. You know the mouse with the ball? LMAO.

Add to the school works are my DESPRIN plates, HARTDS1 Finals exhibit(on which I have to make a product that's wearable or we can use and it should be inspired by an art era like the Egyptian or Christian art, etc. Any ideas? :D), ORALCOM speeches(oh no for impromptu speeches!), and uhm, yeah I think that's it. Ohyeah, BASICOM! BASICOM company website and our defense! Mannn. With all that, I think I have to go now to finish my plate but I haven't gotten to the main point of this post yet.

I've posted this on Plurk. I hate being compared. I hate being misunderstood. I hate being underestimated. I know it's one way of driving someone to do better. You know, I'm really trying hard to do better and I think I'm successful in doing so. This is most likely to be such a teenage angst but I don't think they appreciate it all. Well maybe they do, but I don't feel it. It's when I do things that aren't acceptable that they notice. It's not that I do much of that but it's mostly the mistakes, you know? It sucks. Especially being underestimated, like I can't do this and I don't know this when in fact I actually do. It makes me feel so less of myself. Like they make me feel I'm stupid. I know I have to wake up early and mostly my fault why I'm always late, yes okay, but I'm so sleep deprived that I'm not able to do so. I often stay up late cos I'm doing something school-related. I'm often in front of the computer cos that's what my course requires. I know they're just concerned about me. But I think they have to understand my side too. Which I cannot make them understand cos I can't say anything to them. I don't want to argue with them anymore so I just keep my mouth shut.

Sucks that way. You know, I really have the drive to prove to them that I will be someone someday. I just need them to believe in me. And I don't feel that they do. *tears*

On fire.

You were everything, everything that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it.

On Thursday, I was super drained and slept the moment I got home. Friday, I still was kind of drained and I still slept the moment I got home. Saturday, kind of refreshed but still slept the moment I got home. Lmao! :)) I just realized how much I slept for the last 3 days. And how much I crammed.

DUDE I swear I hate cramming! I will never ever ever ever cram a project like that! WTF, I hate how our minds can work during the last minute! We could have done that a week before Thursday but we didn't cos we can't think of anything to put in the Project Brief. :]]]] I hated how my mind was all like squeezed until it wasn't squeezable anymore. =))) I really hope our prof will allow us to revise that! Man. And we still have to think of a concept of how we're going to do the product commercial. Dang, my groupmates and I weren't able to meet awhile ago since one wasn't allowed to go. T_T And we weren't able to do our dubbing project yet which is due on Monday! WTF. I swear, I don't like the feeling of cramming anymore. T_T

Anyway, I woke up early around 5am to go with mom and dad to the airport. We fetched my aunt in the bus terminal and dropped her off the airport. Her flight's at 10am but we were there like 7am. So we ate first and caught up with things. We just rode the taxi going there cos my brother wasn't able to come home last night =))))) And you know what I hate? Everything is too expensive. Especially the gas, man! WTF, 60/liter? You gotta be kidding meee. That could go on like 80/liter! WTH, there'll be no cars in the streets when that time comes! Wag na tayong pumasok! Lmao. But on the brighter side, that would mean less traffic. We went through EDSA and there was no traffic at all! Super less cars! But nevertheless, transportation is a necessity. I mean, you can't walk to the place you need to go to here! Can I walk from Fairview to Taft? No way. That would take 48 years. You can ride a bike or skateboard but not everyone can. And still, it's far.

My dad was interviewing the taxi drivers we had so that was like 3 of them. And all of them were complaining about the gas. Then there would be times when they don't earn enough profit. Gas na nga lang, lugi na talaga sila. That's why there are a lot of taxi drivers forced to choose passengers depending on where they're going to. So it was kind of hard for us to find a taxi from Taft going to Fairview. I was going to suggest to just ride the LRT-MRT then go to Fairview from North Ave. or Quezon Ave. station. But we were lucky enough to find a taxi. Too bad, I thought it would be my mom and dad's first time to ride the LRT-MRT. =))

AND OH. Last Wednesday, I got to ride the LRT-MRT all by myself! WHOO! Hahaha! From Vito Cruz to Edsa Taft, Edsa Taft to North Avenue. My mom did know I rode the LRT-MRT, only that she didn't know that I was alone. She knew I was with a friend. :)) My brother was in on it though. He asked me if I can, then I said yeah. It was about time to try it. Then he'll just fetch me at TriNoMa. I was lucky enough to have found a seat in the MRT and so I was sitting all through out my ride. And there was not much people in the LRT so yeah. :] While I was at TriNoMa, I grabbed the chance to go to Powerbooks and have myself reserve a copy of Breaking Dawn which will be out on August 4. Shoot, I seriously can't wait anymore! And Stephenie Meyer said on her MySpace blog that she'll put up a 'Quote of the Day' down to the day of the release of the book! She doesn't know where it will be put up yet though. But it'll be announced. Ohyay!

Hmm, what else. Oh there, my brother just got home from Ortigas. He went to Enchanted Kingdom cos he jammed to the Streets band who often is Amber's band. Last night, he went to Amber's condo to rehearse songs with the band. And he asked me a favor to download like 15 songs so he can review it. It was like 6 months since he last really played the guitar on stage as a band. :]]]] Sure they were asked to jam to bands whenever we go out but that's just like one song that they already know. Dang, I sure miss them playing. :[ One night we were at Blue Wave and we were all there with my mom and dad, they were talking about putting the band up together again. For even just one day, Saturday or Friday, they can have a gig just for the sake of the old times. I mean, I know they miss it. And they're still so young and very talented! If they stop at once, it'll all be waste. I mean, not really but it's sayang. Everyone they know at this point, they met through their gigs. And those people are like family now. Their girlfriends, wives, best of friends, everyone they met along their way while playing. It's been a very big part in our lives. I've watched them play all my life. I witnessed how much they love playing music. I still feel sad whenever I think of everything that has happened then. But I think it's cool that we handed it all pretty well, at least. I think it made us a lot stronger too and that's a good thing. I think it was a challenge and it made me sad that they gave up at once.

And on that night in Blue Wave, was the first time I drank in front of my mom and dad. Seriously it was so freakin' awkward! :)) Dude I've drank Vodka/Vodka Ice for like I don't know, but many times now. And I've never been drunk in my whole life. Then they ordered me a Margarita. LMAO. My mom tasted it, dang. And said to me that I shouldn't drink it anymore cos I might get drunk. Cos they said it's a 'juice' drink. HAHAHA. I couldn't drink the way I could whenever my parents are not around. But it's not like I drink with my friends, I drink with my family! I often go out with my brothers, cousins, their wives and girlfriends! And I thought that even if I get drunk, it'll be fine cos I'm with my parents. Right? I have a point there right? Haha! Rather than I'm with strangers. I don't get why my mom still treats me like I'm 13 or younger than I am. I'll be turning 18 next year, man! She doesn't want to let go of me just yet. It's not that I don't like how she looks out for me, it's just that sometimes she tend to overact much. She doesn't even want me to commute, what the hell. I know she's thinking of my safety but I'm also thinking of practicality. I mean, I should experience those kind of things. Sometimes it sucks being all locked up in your world all your life. I should learn how to handle things on my own. I don't want to be overly dependent to my parents. I'm really not, but I don't want to come to the point that I am overly dependent on them.

My brother talked to my dad about these things and he understands. My dad is very open to things and he understands. He also wants us to learn and experience things. And I want to, too. Cos I sometimes feel like they make me feel like I'm not responsible enough. My brother understands me on this one, he said he knows how it feels. And it sucks.

Oh well, enough with the rants. I haven't been blogging for quite a while and I kind of miss it. I wasn't even able to do my blog rounds these days. And look at my blog layout, it's all messed up. :)) I'm lazy coding my layouts. And I've been quite addicted to Plurking! :]]]

So yeah, that would be all for now. :)

On a lot of things. :)

Some things here, I've already said on my previous post but this one's from my Multiply blog I just posted today. Might as well post it here. :) BTW, I mentioned below that I want to change my layout, but I dunno. The blog part of the site has small width, which makes it hard for people to read. Whaddyathink?

ON BEING A BUM:
I need to stop being a bum in front of the pc all the time. I'm hating it already. Doing the same things all over again. Though I'm having fun with Photoshop, it's not all I do. I turn to MySpace, Facebook and Friendster all the time. Especially Facebook and MySpace! BOO! It's so damn addicting! And this blog, I get lazy updating it. I feel like I wanna change the layout again. I have one ready, already coded and all that, but I'm just too lazy.

ON GOING OUT:
Now I need to go out. I wanna go out with my gerlssss. Deym I need to talk to them! As in NEED. Lots of things I wanna tell them. o_o And I miss my high school friends. If one of you are reading thisssss! OMGZ! Let's go out! :( I'm missing them badlyyyyy. Supasupasupafriends, haven't hung out with y'all for quite some time now. Makes me sad. :(

ON DVDS:
I need to buy DVDs, the series of Gossip Girl and the O.C. Koreanovelas too! Like Hana Kimi, and other good stuff. You know other Koreanovelas that you can call 'good stuff' you can recommend me?

ON BOOKS:
I also need to buy the books I've been wanting to read for the whole past year. Like the last Harry Potter book. I'm a loser for not having one yet. The Twilight series! Migadddd, I've watched the trailer and it's so effin' awesome. 12/12, Twilighters! And this year's also the release of the last book in the series. Other good books to recommend, people?

ON PROJECTS:
And I also need to finish the website I've been doing for the past weeks. BAH. I dunno, it's just that whenever I think, I get headaches. LOL. I like thinking though.

ON THINGS:
AND.. I like preoccupying myself with thingssss to do.

ON TIME:
Man, time is running out. School's almost near, atleast for me. Cos yknow how time flies by real fast? Yeah. Yeaa. Boohoo.

ON ACDC:
Lately, we[yeah, Cerisse included hahaha] have been obsessing with ACDC[Adam/Chu Dance Crew]. And their shirt's on sale now!!! Mr. Chu made it available werrldwide! Butttt, it's worth effin' $21.70, shipping included! Whathebuckkk! I don't have that kind of money. I even told my friend from Cali to buy me an ACDC shirt, his gift for my birthday! He said, "haha maybe". I was kidding though. But I was kidding! I just hope he's not reading this. LOL. Yeah right, like the ACDC shirts are selling like hotcakes. LOL. Last time I checked, there are only two pieces left. I just hope they print more! So by that time, I already have money to buy it cos I just spent my money on online shopping in Multiply! LOL. The ACDC shirts are for charity anyways! But Cerisse messaged Mr. Chu if we can print ACDC shirts here in the Phils., we made our own designs. But he didn't reply, he just read it. Booooo. Maybe it's bcos they made it available worldwide and he of course, assumed that the info already spread on us, so no need to reply. Soo even if we'll have our own ACDC shirts printed... STILL! I want their ACDC sherrrt! FOREALLLZ! I wanna be part of the crew. Hahaha! That's what Adam Sevani said on his bulletin on MySpace! "Be part of the crew." That's why I'm loving MySpace. You get to talk to them! Like Cerisse, he got to talk with Harry Shum, Jr.(Cable on Step Up 2)! HAHAHAHA! Anyways, nuff with the ACDC talk. My brother told me I'm obsessed wit dem already. And so as my friend from Cali. So I guess, I am obsessed with them! Haha.

ON YOUTUBE:
Does anyone of you know Nigahiga of YouTube? HAHAHA! His vids are sooo funny! The result of boredom I guess. But heck, he's got like a million views for every video he have on his channel! He's got like 271,450 subscribers! Include me on that. Haha. PLUS! He's cute btw! :p Hahaha. Youtube crush, LOLZ! I've also subscribed on Jon M. Chu's YTube channel and as well as the Miley&Mandy Show. And I'm wonderin', what's up with singing and ukeleles in the U.S.? I dunno, it's like very popular. I love this one though, Windward Skies cover. Thanks to my friend for showing that to me. And I saw this very kawaii video too called Animal Idol. Yeah, an American Idol for animals. Lol. So maybe you figured out what I do whenever I'm online. I just don't get how I can spend my whole day just doing all these. Sux000.

ON MUSIC:
I just realized my taste for music has uhmm, how do you put it, broaden? I dunno, I just like listening to country songs lately. Thanks to MySpaceeeee! I just realized how I love praise songs too. Hillsong United will be having a concert here on the 26th! A day just before my berrrrthdayyym. I would love to see them live. And oh, I love hearing old school songs lately! It lights me up, brings a smile to my face. Imma download Backstreet Boys songs. What other good old songs are there? Make me remember. :D And I had my seat reserved on Marie Digby's online concert on the 19th, 6am, our time. That's veryyy early so I have to like get up at around 5am. I bet there'll be a massive site traffic. I just hope my PC won't crash. I want to buy her album! As well as Taylor Swift's album. I heard her songs on MS and I loved it. Anywaysss...


ON AGE:
I feel like I'm 17 already. HAHA. :)) I still have 19 days left to enjoy my sweeeettt 16. Was it sweet? Ionnooo. LOL.

ON AMERICAN IDOL:
Top 4 finalists are the 2 Davids, Syesha and Jason Castro. After their performance? I bet Jason Castro will go. So top 3 are the 2 Davids and Syesha. My top 2? The 2 Davids. David Archuleta and David Cook. Whoever wins, it's okay. They're both good. :)

ON REALITY:
Reality slapped me once again on my face! LIKE IT ALWAYS DOES! :)) After I read Anna's S-S.org blog! Haha. Ooh, Imma post this on my blogspot too. I need to like, update that from my random blahs.

ON RENZ:
I'm sorry I wasn't able to give to you your vectorrrr! Haha. Sorry talagaaaa! But you can wait more right? Hehe. Thanks Renzzyyy! :)

I don't know what to do.

At last, they told me.

Lilipat kami ng bahay. Mas malayo, sa Fairview na. Malaki raw. Ang mga kwarto namin malaki, lahat may banyo. May terrace, may mapagpapractice-an ng sayaw, at lahat lahat na. Nung nakita raw ng kuya ko, isa lang raw nasabi niya, mansion.

Dun pala sila pumunta kanina, habang ako naghihintay sa Convergy's para sunduin nila. Galing ako ng TriNoma kanina then my friend dropped me off there. Sabi tumambay muna ako ng Starbucks, pero dahil naisipan kong wag na lang dahil mapapagastos nanaman ako, sa Ministop na lang. Matagal e, kaya naglakad na lang ako pauwi. Tutal kaya ko naman. Akala ko nandun si kuya, pero nalaman kong magkakasama pala silang lahat.

Grabe. Grabe talaga.

Nagsimba kami dahil Palm Sunday. After, we went to Pancake House sa Convergys. There, they told me. At last.

Hindi ko alam bakit hindi nila agad sinabi sa akin. Hindi ko malalaman kung hindi dahil sa kuya ko. Sinabi lang niya na 'wag ko ipaalam kila Mom na sinabi niya sa 'kin. Bakit ayaw nilang ipaalam sa akin? Bakit ayaw nilang malaman ko? Even if malalaman ko rin naman in the long run?

Ganun naman lagi eh. It seems like I don't have any right to know what's happening? Am I not part of the family? Because, really, everyone knows but me! And you know how much that sucks? It sucks big time. And my dad was saying that I am innocent? Grabe. He doesn't know that I know then. I may not know everything that's happening but I am not stupid to not have any clue on what are they doing. They make me look like I'm stupid. I just wanted them to tell me. Everytime I'm there, they're not talking about it. If I'm not there, they talk a lot. It's painful. It feels like they don't want me to grow up. And maybe they thought I would not understand. I will be so disappointed if that will be their reason. I am so disappointed that they think of me that way. Maybe they don't really know me. Grabe.

Now, that's fine with me because they already told me. Even if it took so much time before they told me. Okay the house is big. I've always dreamt of a house big enough for me. I should be happy and be jumping up and down now. But I'm not.

Lilipat rin daw ako ng school. Sobrang nagulat ako dun. Hindi ko alam kung nagbibiro sila o hindi. Hindi ko alam kung sobrang tuloy o hindi. Pero that trigerred me to just blow up and cry right then and there at Pancake House. But I held it back, I don't want them to see me cry and I don't want people to see me cry really hard there. Hindi na lang ako nagsalita. Gusto nila akong lumipat either UP or Ateneo(my bro said this). Mas okay di ba? Pero hindi eh. Tinanong ako ng dad ko kung matataas daw ba ang grades ko. Tapos mag-inquire din daw kami sa UP about transferring. And other stuff like that. Natulala na lang ako. Wala akong masabi. Maiyak-iyak na ako. Alam kong mas okay, pero... hindi talaga e. Walang MMA dun. Gusto ko sa MMA. I don't want to leave my CSB friends. CSB has been my turf. It's where I am happy and comfortable with. My friends are superb and I am very lucky to have them in my life. Akala ko okay na lahat when I told them na dun ko gusto mag-aral. Akala ko wala nang mangyayaring ganito. But really, life plays with you when you least expect it.

You know, I never imagined myself to be in CSB and taking up MMA then because it's far from where I live. But now that I'm there, I don't want to leave anymore. It's where I now imagined myself to be in for the next 2 or 3 years. Nung nalaman ko yun, parang lahat ng yun, biglang naglaho. It all shattered into pieces. My dreams, my heart, everything. Every little thing I imagined, every dream I had, every bit of myself was just shattered.

Kung alam ko lang na mangyayari 'to, edi sana hindi na ako nag-aral dun dba? Edi sana hindi ko na lang pinaglaban 'to. Sayang naman yung tatlong terms ko. Kung ayaw nila kung nasaan ako, kung ayaw nilang umalis at lumabas ako, kung nahihirapan sila, sabihin nila. Dahil ayoko ring nahihirapan sila dahil sa 'kin. Kaya ko naman e.

Lahat may paraan.

Sabi ko na nga ba dapat kumuha na lang ako ng scholarship noon. Kung dahil sa tuition, dahil alam kong napakamahal talaga at tri-sem pa, may paraan naman para diyan e. Scholarship. Naging open naman ako sa kanila about dyan, sabi nila okay lang. Okay lang na hindi kumuha, okay lang kung kumuha. Kung dahil sa layo, may paraan pa rin, commute! Hindi nila kelangang araw-araw akong ihatid at sunduin sa school. Kasi kakayanin ko namang mag-commute e. They just won't let me kaya iniisip ko rin na hindi ko kaya. I was willing to commute. I was willing to do everything just to be in CSB. Tapos ngayon, ganito? Sana hindi ko na lang talaga pinaglaban. Kasi in the first place, I knew na gusto talaga nila na sa UP ako mag-aral. Pero sorry hindi ako nakapasa. Akala ko kakayanin kong iwan ang CSB para sa UP. Pero hindi e.

Dapat maging masaya ako na malaki na ang lilipatan naming bahay. Pero hindi ako masaya. Aanhin ko ang malaking bahay kung hindi naman ako masaya? Mas mahalaga sa akin kung saan ako masaya. Mas mahalaga sa akin ang pangarap ko. Walang ibang nago-offer ng MMA kundi CSB lang. May APC rin naman pero malayo rin yun. Ganun din. Alam kong maraming alternatives, maraming pwedeng gawin. Pero hindi eh, hindi talaga. Kasi MMA ang gusto ko. Fit na fit sa 'kin yun e. Lahat ng gusto kong gawin nandun. Pwede akong mag-Information Design sa Ateneo, e ano, mas mahal naman ang tuition! Pwede akong mag-CommArts sa UP, pero ayoko ng CommArts. Hindi niyo siguro ako maiintindihan kasi wala kayo sa pwesto ko pero eto nararamdaman ko e.

Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko. Kasi hindi ko maiwasang isipin na magiging selfish ang dating ko pag ganito, pag sarili ko lang ang iisipin ko. Alam kong nahihirapan sila, pero nahihirapan din ako. Mga kapatid ko ayos lang sa kanila e. Bakit? Kasi graduate na silang lahat! Yung kuya ko, ggraduate na ngayong March. Ako na lang natitira. At lahat naman sila nagwwork sa business namin. Kasi dun nila gusto. Pero may iba akong gusto e, may iba akong pangarap. May iba akong gustong gawin. Hindi ako magaling kumanta o tumugtog ng instrumento, pero mahilig ako sa musika. Hindi ako magaling sa sounds at lighting, pero marunong akong mag-appreciate. Hindi ako katulad nila. I didn't turn out to what they expect and what they want me to be. Because I have my own mind, own dreams, own thinking. Shouldn't they be proud that I know what I want and what I want to be? Shouldn't they be proud that I am capable of deciding for myself?

Sayang e, nandito na ako, aalis pa ako.

So tell me, am I being selfish? If I tell them this, am I being selfish?

A lot of questions are running through my mind. Gusto kong malaman ang mga sagot. Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko ngayon. Nalulungkot ako. Naguguluhan ako.

Anong dahilan? Bakit nangyayari 'to ngayon? Bakit nangyayari 'to? :((

Take time to realize, it's not gonna be that simple.

Srsly, tinatamad ako magblog these days 'cause I'm busy you know. YAK HAHA. JOKE! :)) I opt to be a busy-busyhan person these days. I really feel accomplished when I do a lot of things and to not think things and eventually end up overthinking it. But srsly, tinatamad ako magblog. Siguro dahil na rin sa nabadtrip ako sa pagcode sa layout ko na supposedly for the Heart's day. I'm still thinking of putting it up though even if Heart's day is way over.

Anyway, my day was pretty good at first but as time went, shet na-badtrip ako. LOL. Nakakapagod mag-antay sa labas ng school sa isang bus papuntang rally sa Makati na hindi naman darating. LOL. Naiwan kami ng bus e, sayang. Pagkalabas namin, nakita namin yung bus ng school nasa kabilang side na sa may DLSU Main. SHET talaga. Sayang yung blue form(for approved absences), lol. But there will still be a next time, dba? Haha, maybe. Kuya Kim(Rupert, lol, that's what we call him cause he really look like Kuya Kim haha) said na sobrang saya daw. Dala lang niya dslr niya eh, fudge, sayang wala kami dun para picture-an niya. LOL. But don't get me wrong, I want to go there not because of "fun"; "experience"; or just the simple petty reason of not getting in class. I want to go there to fight for the truth. Although there's something in me that says there will be no hope and it's really impossible for GMA to step down because I feel that she really won't, I still want to go. If ever, it will somehow make a change, I will be proud to say I was one of the people who stood up to start the change we want to see. Anyway, enough of that. It just ruined my day big time 'cause it was really hot outside and we were just standing and talking there. Nawalan tuloy kami ng gana ni CJ. Kevin and Pem wanted to go to cut classes. And Mikee, well I don't know why he wanted to go. Haha. I swear, nakakapagod. Badtrip talaga.

I said to Kevin and CJ, "Ne-yo na bukas. Parang hindi na ko na-eexcite. Nawala tuloy excitement ko." Fudge. Oh well.

Today wasn't my favorite day at all.

But then at the end of the day, it went back to being normal. Normal means a-okay day for me. Maybe it was because of seeing David Archuleta's pic when Yana's friend from the other block was surfing over Yahoo! for American Idol at Plaza V. LOL. If you're watching AI and knows David Archuleta, but I'm pretty sure if you do watch AI you surely know him, you will so agree with me. Haha. Agree with what? That David Archuleta is LOVEEE. :x Addiction, LOL. Hahaaaayyy :x Okay enoughhh. Haha.

Anyway I have a feeling that March will be a good month for me. And I hope it will be! Things are going so well. We opened an online shop in Multiply(which by the way you should visit! http://umixed.multiply.com, thanks! advertise LOL!), I have more freelance works coming in.. which means more moolah! I have to save up for this year you know. Anything can happen like concerts and more concerts that I have to watch! And I still want to save up for my DSLR. :D However, I also have reasons to hate March. March means more school work, more deadlines, and... a lot more work. LOL. Only one month to go before school ends! Time is fast, have to be productive.

As much as I want to go to school, I also want the summer break. I can't wait for it. Although one month lang, it's okay. Have to do something to make that one month break worthwhile right? :) And I have a lot already planned out. Sana masunod siya! XD

Someone PMed me in YM and told me to look for a boylet for her. HAHAHA. Then she typed her number and said, "CP no ko bigay mo sakanila!!!" SHET. Haha. Is she that desperate? She then said, "ayaw ko mag NBSB kpag mag 18 na ako!" :)) ROFL. Her debut is like 6 months away! She thinks she's being lonely. Well, being NBSB isn't so bad. Being single is fun and might as well make the most out of it. One shouldn't rush on being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. For me, being single and NBSB is fun. I will gladly wait. Wala pa akong nakikita e. O baka ayoko lang talaga. I shall stick to my New Year's Resolution: no time for love. ASA MEHN. Hahaha. But srsly, hanggang like-like lang. Unless I find someone like David Archuleta, maybe that would make me change my mind. HAHA. :))

Too many topics in one blog post eh? Who cares, it's my blog. I love to blab. And I said I was lazy. GREAT. :)) Anyway, until next time. :) (TV Show? Haha)

Happy and not.

I still can't get over this.

Badtrip ako at masaya at the same time.

Bakit?
Let's start with the happy thought.

Happy because I got to hang out with my high school barkada again! We were together for almost like the whole day it was really fun! I last saw AJ during our high school batch reunion last July; Niki and Francel, 2 months ago; and Jhem, well, we study in the same school but I rarely see her but still at least, I see her. Lol. I last saw her on the first week of third term. Anyway, I can always see her if I want to. But not really hang out and talk a lot.

We ate at Teriyaki Boy for lunch which is around quarter to 2pm. Yeah. Haha. I'm kind of getting used to strolling around the mall alone, I have always done that since I got to college. And I wasn't really really familiar around TriNoMa so I kind of got lost. Haha. I forgot where National Bookstore was! And they said they'll just meet me there. And as usual, I was late for like an hour, which I hate. You know, I hate being late because for almost like my whole life, I've been always late. And I know how it feels like to be waiting, ALOT.

Then after, we bought movie tickets to P.S. I love you. Then we went to have a studio picture! Hahaha. Hindi halata na di kami mahilig magpicture at magpose. We're not vain people. :)) We have to wait for 20 or 30 minutes to have the picture developed so we decided to have coffee. Starbucks was full, as usual. So we went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf instead.

There, we reminisced about high school. Browsed old pictures and some videos we had. Gosh, good times! We were all laughing so hard! We talked about college, where our batchmates went, what courses they are taking up, crushes, relationships, college friends, what have we been up to, our courses, and other stuff. And our day together isn't complete pag hindi kami nanlalait ng tao. LOL. So mean, right? But that's how we are. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like that though. It's just that when I'm with them, I can't help it because I gotta admit, sometimes oftentimes, I agree with them. LOL. And syempre, hindi nawawala ang chikahan. Ang aking mga kaibigan ay napaka-updated sa mga bagay-bagay.

It's those moments that I would always want to treasure. I suggested that every month, we should get together. And they all agreed. Of course who wouldn't right? Hehe. Just for catching up and hanging out. It's priceless.

Then we went to get our picture. Hehe. It's so cute! :))

So malapit na kami umuwi and I texted my mom na magpapasundo na ko. But AJ asked us to accompany her to her house because she's not used to commuting alone. Now that she and her bf broke up, wala nang magddrive sakanya. Haha. E sakto, malapit na kami sa bahay ni AJ, andun na sila Mommy nag-aantay sa binabaan ko nung hinatid nila ako. SHET. I swear, never akong kinabahan ng ganun kanina. I don't know why. I was so worried. So my mom called me again and asked me where I was and her voice sounded like she was pissed off. Even my brother shouted at me on the phone while he was driving. Sucks. I was so worried that I'll get caught. Pero diba, wala naman akong ginagawang masama. Hinatid lang namin si AJ. Only that, hindi ako nakapagpaalam. Kaya siguro I was worried.

Francel: I feel you, Cha. Ganyan din ako nun.
Francel: Pero Cha bakit ganun? Diba nung high school lagi kang pinapayagan? Tapos ngayong college parang mahigpit sayo?
Nikita: Ako rin e, kung kelan nag-18 ako saka naging mahigpit.
Cha: Ewan ko nga e. Hindi pa ako kinabahan ng ganito dati. Siguro kasi, hindi nila alam kaya ganun. *******! Shet. *panicking*

I'm glad they all helped me. I was so worried na magsabay yung taxi at sasakyan namin. Thank God, hindi.

Badtrip lang ako kasi pag ako, kaya kong maghintay ng dalawang oras para sa kanila. Kahit umalis na lahat ng tao sa paligid ko, at nadaanan na ako ng 1000+ na sasakyan at mga tao, ayos lang kahit magmukha akong tanga na walang ginagawa at kausap. Pag sila, nagagalit sila kahit mga 30 minutes lang ang pagkalate ko. Hindi ko naman siguro pwedeng ipagcompare talaga kasi mas bata ako kesa sa kanila dba?

Masama lang talaga loob ko pag ganun. Late ka lang, kahit sinasabi nila ng pabiro alam mong may something dun sa sinasabi nila.

Ako pag nalalate ako at sila ang dahilan, hindi ko naman sila masisi. Pag late ako dahil matagal ako, nagagalit sila. Malabo di ba? Bakit ang unfair?

Alam kong mali ipagcompare kasi sobrang iba sila sakin. Pero pag sila iniintindi ko, sana ganun din sila sa akin. Kahit alam kong mas swerte ako compared sa iba dahil hindi nila ako sinisigawan at sinasaktan physically, minsan nasasaktan nila ako emotionally. Kahit little ways lang, pero sensitibo akong tao e, may mga bagay na sobrang naaapektuhan ako kahit maliit lang na bagay.

Yun lang talaga. Madali akong umintindi. Pero sana ganun din sila sakin. Sana kahit papano sa unfair na takbo ng buhay, kahit konti naman maging fair sila. Sobrang masama lang talaga ang loob ko pag ganun. Lagi na kasing nangyayari eh.

Ang nakapagtataka pa, bakit nung high school hindi sila masyadong mahigpit when in fact, dapat dun ka mas mahigpit dba? Pero ngayong college, parang mas mahigpit at nagmamadali sila.

I mean, I can take care of myself. They just won't let me. I can do things by myself. They just won't let me. And worse, I feel that they don't believe in what I can do. I can do whatever I want to do with all limitations. They just won't let me, with or without limitations. I feel like I am being so babied. Is it because I am the only girl? I am turning 17, gosh! I will be legal the next year! It makes me feel bad that they're somehow depriving me of feeling the complete real world. They have brought me up really well and I know that I know what is wrong from what is right. They have to let me make mistakes and so I will let them enter my world. I don't know why it is hard for them to let me go. I don't know why it is that I feel they don't want me to grow up yet.

It's not something they say to me directly, but that's how I feel. I don't want to be treated so much as a princess because I'm not. I don't want to get used to that because I know I can do things but because they won't allow me, I feel that I can't do it. Gets?

I always say to my brother that time flies by fast. And he always reply, "Bakit ka ba nagmamadali?" The thing is, I'm not. It's just the way the reality and life goes. It is fast-paced and you can't let yourself be left out. You have to move on. Kasi pag napag-iwanan ka nang sobra, mahirap na mag-keep up. Ewan ko, minsan ganun eh. Pero hindi ko naman sinasabi na dapat nagmamadali ka. I'm not. It's just that you can't let life pass you by without you living it. Right?

Haay, basta. Masama pa rin ang loob ko kahit sobrang babaw niyan. Pero, ako 'to eh.

Fast and the furious again.

Oh myyyy gosh! Our internet connection speed is almost like back to the way it was before! Mabilis na siya ulitttt! Oh yeah. Thanks to my brother. I don't know how he did it but he kind of got into the canopy of other users. Hahaha. It's illegal I think, but our connection since December or late November of last year really suckkkkked! I mean big time! LOL. So what can we do? What should he do, dba? Haha. I asked my blockmates who uses the same connection as ours but their connection has no problem at all. I don't know what happened to ours. So thankfully, ayos na siya. Yeyyy! :D

So wala lang. I just want to share my.. err.. happiness? LOL. :))

Marami akong ipo-post at ikekwento dapat e kaya lang tinatamad ako. Pag libre ang oras, pwede na. :D

LSS: With You by Chris Brown

Christmas Party 2008.

We just had our Christmas Party. Yeah, on the 29th of December. I know, it's late. But it's still a party. Whatever you call it, a Christmas or a New Year Party. It was fun, as always, because it's a family Christmas Party. There are like 6 families who went, all are family friends or barkada, cousins, whatever. At last, we're all complete now. Last year, my brothers, cousin and uncle(and my dad, too) weren't here because they were at Davao and had some gig for almost one month so they didn't spend Christmas with us. We knew it was going to be a lonely one because there were only 3 of us-- me, my mom and my tita. Because of that, we thought of organizing a Christmas party for everyone who was left over here at Manila. That was way back when things weren't too complicated yet.. and chaotic. Thank God that everything is almost going nice now.

So, last year, the whole band and my dad weren't here, and of course, we miss them because the group isn't complete without them. So for us to have some fun and not have a blue Christmas, we had our Christmas party. It was uber fun that we did it again. Tonight. Just tonight. It had the same people from last year. Our family friend, Kuya Ces and Ate Gem with their kids(there are 4 of them, I think. Two with the almost the same age as mine and two little kids. The little kids were uber cute! Very Chinese! Hehehe). My cousin's family, Kuya Sonny and Ate Lhyn with their only child for now, Ska, who is 7 years old. My cousin's neighbor who also became a family friend, Kuya Otoy and Ate Sheila with their kids(who are sooo kulit!). My uncle Arthur and Auntie Sherriz who doesn't have a child yet because they just got married last year, I think? Yeah, right! My brother Kuya Ian and his wife, Ate Liza who just got married last September and of course, us, our family. Our family was all wearing red. My Kuya Raymond is wearing white though because his girlfriend, Ate Therese, is also wearing white. Some wore yellow, green, and brown. The red team was winning though. Hehe.








Last year's Christmas Party at Philam Homes. Same people, only bigger because my brother's and the others are now here.

Last year, we spent the Christmas Party at our house at Philam but since we already left there, we spent it at our house in Commonwealth. I was shocked because there were lights(just a spotlight) and sound system! LOL. We even said, "Hindi kaya mabulabog mga kapit-bahay natin neto? Hahaha!" The staff and crew of Sound Chaser¹ were also there, btw.

It was really fun because we were complete and all of us participated in the parlor games. Yeah, we had that! Haha. There were like almost 6 or 5 games. Our all-time favorite game, Pinoy Henyo! There was also yung game na palalamugin yung talong(for all singles! Too bad I didn't win, I was 2nd though. Haha). Then an imbento game called "Isubo mo, Darling". LOL! It was for couples. They were both blindfolded and they're gonna make subo(haha, anong english ng subo? lol) the banana to each other. It was SOO FUNNY!!! :)) Then, the stop dance game for kids and their fathers. And the last game was the relay game! It was really fun because most people got to participate. Damn, we lost! BOO-HOO!!! We were ahead of the other team first! But because of me, YEAH RIGHT!! LOL. I was to blow the flour in the paper plate and under it, there's a word that we're gonna say then after, grab a flag inside the basin full of water which says WINNER. YUN YON! Dun ako natagalan! Langya. The paper was really sticky! I had a hard time taking the plastic off too! So there, we lost. BOO-HOO! But it was fun. I think it was my first time blowing the flour. I was coughing and the flour was all over me! My face, my hands, my shirt and my pants! Damnit. LOL. But it was really fun.

After the games, we had our exchange gifts. I got a bag! Yay! Lol, I got like 3 or 4 bags as a gift this Christmas. It's okay, at least, I have bags man!! I can't get enough of it. Especially school bags. Lol. I hoped that my mom, dad or my Kuya Carlos(2nd bro) picked my name but they didn't. Well, why? Because their gifts are the mugs from Starbucks! I wanted one! I picked my uncle's name, Uncle Arthur, so he got a Starbucks mug, too. Lol. Dapat kasi 300php up and we can't think of anything else to give. Because we didn't know who we will exchange gifts to until the time for our exchange gifts so we had to buy a unisex gift.

They're still downstairs. The adults are playing cards and drinking, hmm, wine or Matador? Lol. I don't know. Usually I join them, but they didn't invite me over so I didn't go. The kids are still here, too. They're playing, I guess. Their voices, both the adults and kids, can be heard from over here and I'm at the 3rd floor. That's how noisy they are. I can't find anything to do so I ate again, read the book my Kuya Carlos gave me as a gift(For One More Day by Mitch Albom), and now I'm typing this blog post. I don't know what made me type this long post to think that I am lazy to blog these days. So I think it has been a long time since I made a real update.

Anyway, these kind of events and parties make me want to have a DSLR so much. I want to be the one capturing the moments. I also want our video cam be fixed because I, too, want to be the one recording the moments that can never happen again the same way. I'm having fun doing it. But anyway, it will happen. I know, it will. :D

And oh yeah, sometimes I think my family doesn't really know me well. I mean, they may see the me I am showing them, but they don't see the me when I am with my friends. Well, we all act differently when we're with family and with friends. But still, it's the same us. Isn't it? I just think I can't really show to my family what I am showing to my friends because it's inappropriate. Anyway, they still think of me as the shy and quiet person. Well yeah, I am shy but I have changed a lot in terms of self-esteem and confidence but they don't see it. I am quiet, but I am also really really talkative. So I have to exert more effort now for them to see how much I have changed, for the better? I don't know. I just don't know. I guess they have just so much expectation of me that I can't meet their standards. I know they have high expectations of me, I really know it. I can tell. Sometimes it's making me feel frustrated and feel that I am not enough, that what I am doing isn't enough. I know I shouldn't feel that way and I shouldn't think that way because they're family and they accept me for whatever and whoever I am. But yeah, what can I do? It's how I feel, and sometimes think. It makes me want to be alone at times because I don't want to hear my brothers talking to me, my mom and my dad talking and talking about stuffs that I should do and whoever I am not. You know? Agh. This post just turned into a rant. This is supposed to be about the Christmas Party, supposed to be a happy post.

And this has turned to be a really long one. Thanks for reading, anyway. I'm going to return to reading For One More Day. And I hope, I will finish whatever I need to finish this vacation. I have much to do yet I am not doing it and I haven't finished doing it. I have the tendency to start off a thing and not finish it because I get lazy. Just like what I am doing for my year-ender for this blog. I want to finish it but I am lazy to. Grr.

Anyway, bye. :)

¹ Sound Chaser is a lights and sound system rental, sales and installations for concerts, events, and the like owned by my family.

Week-long vacation, Cost-cutting & Birthdays.

Hey everyone. How's your vacation bloggers? It's pretty long especially for those who are having their sembreaks. It's nice to recharge our energies after a stressful day, week, month, term, semester or whatsoever. My vacation was pretty nice although I just stayed at home. At least I don't have any homeworks, quizzes and projects to worry about now. ^_^ I'm just relaxing. Hehe. Midterms is already finished just last Wednesday. Filipino was our last midterm and it was okay. I was late though. Lol. Damn you 7am classes! Anyway, our online enlistment starts on Monday. I'm gonna get a good schedule! NO MORE 7AM CLASSES FOR ME! Nu-uh! There's no way, kokey! Haha. I hope I can be classmates with some of my blockmates in 3rd term. In at least one to two subjects! Or if I'm lucky, all subjects. Haha. It's possible, isn't it?

Anyway, aside from worrying about the online enlistment, 'cause we all don't know how to yet, our 2nd half for 2nd term starts on Monday! It means another set of projects, quizzes and all those school works! It's time to change my way of doing things. I should start doing it right away and not wait 2 or 3 days before the deadline to come knocking at my door. Why? 'Cause it sucks. It's stressful. It means sleepless nights and pressure. I hate it. I don't want myself to get used to it. I don't want my work to pile up! Kelangan ko na magsipag ulit. I should follow my schedules. What in the world are organizers for? It's useless if I don't follow it. :| I wonder what's in Starbucks for Christmas? LOL. We worked hard for our Starbucks planners last year, mind you. Yes, we worked hard for it. Working hard means getting ourselves broke at the end of the year just to get that freakin' planner! But it's fine, we wanted it anyway. And I get to bond with my friends a lot during those days. I miss those times! Plus you have your favorite Starbucks drink with you. Ahhhh, love! Haha. But now, I don't go to Starbucks often. Cost-cutting ako eh. But even if I cut my starbucks indulgences, I'm still broke. Damnit. Christmas is fast approaching and I don't have money to buy gifts! Nagagastos ko yung ipon ko. Di pa rin ako nakakapag-start mag-ipon. Gastos ko kasi. I HATE IT. Hindi pwede ito. :| Pano na ang gusto kong tablet? at and DSLR? Hmpp. Idagdag mo pa sa gastos ang online shopping sa multiply. WAHH. ARGH. Okay, stop. This needs action. Kelangan ko na talaga mag-ipon. -_- Kaya ko 'to.

It's unusual of me to blog at this time. It's 1:47am on my computer clock. I got home at around 12 something AM from Makati. It was my blockmate's debut at Toyz Cafe. It was an informal one. And since it's Halloween, it's a costume party. I wore a white bubble dress with butterfly wings and wand. LOL. I'm a fairy! Hahaha. It was fun. Tumugtog ang Day One Movement. Si Sib Sibulo yung vocalist nila. Grabe, ang lapit ko sa stage. Literally! Tipong nasa harap ko na yung band. Ako lang yung andun malapit sa kanila. Walang gustong maki-share sa inuupuan ko. Sofa kasi yun. Hahaha, nakakahiyang tumingin sa banda. Atsaka magkaka-stiff neck ako kung pinanood ko sila buong set nila. Di ko kasi maharap sa stage yung sofa, mabigat e. I also got a gift certificate worth P1,000 from Rudy Project. Sponsor kasi nila. So lahat nung naka-costume, may gift certificate. Sponsor rin pala niya yung Coors Light. Libre ang beer namin! Hahaha. Yung invitation, may stub pa para sa vodka. Parang ticket lang e noh. Haha. Pure vodka pala yung nainom ko kanina. Di ko alam yun talaga. Akala ko nahaluan na siya ng lime para di malakas ang tama. Pero wala namang epekto sakin. Haha. At ayoko talaga ng lasa ng beer. Di ako beer person. Atsaka occasionally lang naman ako umiinom. Mabait ako e. Wahehehe.

My next birthday stop will be on November... 17. Which means.. I can't go to my org's Photo-Video Workshop which will be held on Nov.17-18. It's an out-of-town trip to Bataan. I sossss wanna go! But heck, I promised Nikita(my high school ka-barkada) that I'll go. And I miss my high school friends. It's one way of bonding with them again. Debut pala yun. Pero simple lang, sa bahay lang niya. Marami talagang may birthday tuwing November. At least sa mga kakilala ko, marami ang November. One year na pala nakalipas. Last year dalawang birthday party in-attend-an namin sa same na araw. After nung birthday party ni Nikita nun sa bahay nila, pumunta naman kami sa birthday party ng isa pa naming barkada sa Timog. High school pa ko nun. Ang saya. Pero ngayon, shet, college na. Ang bilis pa ng araw. 17 na ko next year! Legal na ang iba sa 'min nun. Ako 2 years pa. Tumatanda na talaga kami. Kaya live life to the fullest. Time flies by so fast. Ay bago pa pala ako mag-17, magpaPasko at New Year muna. Masyado akong excited e. Haha.

Mahaba na 'to. Masyado akong madaldal. Haha. Thanks for taking the time to read though. Take care bloggers! :)