Hindi ako kinikilig, natatawa ako.

Okay so our music video for our project in Filipino is already released on YouTube. Yak, parang premiere? Haha. But anyway, I got to watch it again and... HINDI TALAGA AKO KINIKILIG, NATATAWA AKOOOO. Hahaha. I'm not good in acting so natatawa ako sa acting ko. LOL. Even if my blockmates got kilig while watching the video in class and even if they wanted to watch it over and over again.. well, not me. :)) Hahaha. But at least, I leveled up in acting. Just one level. Haha. :p

Anyway, if I haven't told the story of the video yet..

The song is "Only reminds me of you" translated into Tagalog so the title is "Ikaw pa rin ang naaalala". The story is basically about mag-boypren/gelpren na sobrang opposites. Yung guy parang gago and loko-loko and the girl is the goody-goody type. So the video starts off with a guy writing.. "This is the story of my bestfriend...*put name here*" :p Then the girl in the video is reminiscing about their happy moments together. Naglalakad-lakad sya, emo-emo. Ganun. Then eventually, the guy found another girl. Nakita nung girl. Syempre, hurt sya. Emoemo, cry cry sa cr. Her bestfriend saw her crying so nalungkot yung bestfriend nya. Then nag-end yung video na bumalik dun sa first scene.. the bestfriend wrote, "This is the story of my bestfriend...*put name here*" right? But eventually ended up crossing out the bestfriend word and wrote love instead. Tapos may newspaper sa pinakadulo ng video saying, "College girl commits suicide in university bathroom".

KAMONNNNNNNNNNNN. Hahaha. Na-gets ba yung concept? Parang di ko na-explain ng mabuti. Di ako magaling magkwento e. Haha.

Anyway, the video was conceptualized by my blockmate. It wasn't the original concept but it's somehow close to it. We revised the original one because we were out of time. We shot the whole video last Monday and the deadline for the project was on Wednesday that same week. Haha. But the video was, let's say.. a blockbuster? LOL. Our Filipino prof said, "Alam nyo class natutuwa ako sa mga projects nyo. Pero hindi lang yun, nagugulat rin ako. Hahaha." :)) LOL. Then my blockmates were saying, "Nice one, Cha." "Yes naman!". One of blockmates was even teary-eyed kasi kinikilig raw sya. Hahaha. Parang nagkagulo sa classroom nung pinalabas yung video. :)) Pero ako habang pinapalabas yun, parang gusto ko nang matunaw at maglaho sa room that very moment. Hahaha. Nagtatago ako sa likod ng blockmate ko habang pinapalabas yun. Hiyang-hiya akoooo. Hahaha. Pero at the same time natatawa. LABO. Haha. Tapos nagagalit sila dun sa blockmate ko na 'other girl' sa video. Hahaha.

Grabe, siguro pag iba yung gumanap nun, maiiyak iyak ako at kinikilig habang pinapanood yung video. Pero hindi ehhh. Hahaha. Tae talagaaaaaaaaaaa. Anyway, I'm still thinking if I'll put the link here. :)) :p

[edit]
Well, papel! Here's the link:
KLIK TO GO TO YOOCHOOB!
I'm guessing you guys didn't notice the link. It has been up for like... days already. Hehe. Lots of peole got to watch it already kaya... ayos na lang rin. My family got to watch it, damnit. Di ko ni-planong ipakita sakanila pero accidentally... mahabang story. Haha.
*COVERS FACE!*
[/edit]

"Nothing can ruin my day. :)"

That's what I said when I left school this afternoon.

But I guess not. I received a Friendster message from someone who had been part of my life, our family and most especially my brother's life. There are things going on in the family, something that's sooo years before, but still unresolved. To the point that even people who are not really part of the family got involved too. Sa nangyari, maraming naapektuhan. Maraming nasaktan. Maraming nawala. Maraming nagbago. And it hurts. Everytime I think of that issue, my head aches, my heart hurts and I start to cry. It's just a little issue then but it became such a BIG issue for a reason I don't know why. Oh, I know why actually. But I don't know what to believe anymore. Habang tina-type ko yung reply ko sa message nya, naiiyak ako. Ay hindi, naiyak pala talaga ako. Ayokong ikwento na, kasi hindi naman dapat.

Basta ang alam ko lang, maaayos rin 'to. Alam kong darating rin ang araw na magkakaharap-harap lahat ng taong involved at na-involve. At alam kong lalabas rin kung anong totoo, sinong nagsasabi ng totoo, magkakaintindihan na ang lahat at kung ano man ang kalabasan nun, matatanggap naming lahat. Alam kong darating rin yun, umaasa ako, pero siguro hindi pa ngayon. In God's time, darating ang araw na yun. Based on experience, alam kong lahat ng bagay naaayos. Meron lang talagang tamang panahon para sa lahat ng bagay.

Hmm.. may dalawa kaming midterm exams bukas, pero heto ako, nagta-type, umiyak, at nage-emo. Meron pa kaming group project na due tomorrow sa Economics class namin na comics. Inaalala ko yun kasi kanina lang namin napag-isipan kung anong gagawin. Oo, one day before the submission. Naiinis ako. Cramming nanaman. Hindi dapat ganito. Sana matapos na ang week na 'to para wala na masyadong iniisip. Kelangan ko talagang mag-recharge ng baterya ko. Unti-unti na siyang malo-lowbatt eh.

Pero kahit ganun, may bumubuhay pa rin sa baterya ko. Nakita ko nanaman si crush kanina sa school. Hahaha. Oo, nakakatawa kasi after nung dati na tinutukoy ko sa medyo recent ko lang na blog post, may bago naman. Pero magkaiba naman sila eh. 'Etong ngayon crushing from afar, anong masama dba? Haha. Atsaka di kami friends. LOL. Alam ko lang, pareho kami ng course, pareho kaming frosh, at alam ko lang ang name at section nya. Pero yun lang yun. Pero kahit na, nagka-crush rin naman kayo dba.. at alam nyo yung nararamdaman nyo na pag makita mo lang siya, enough na yun para maging okay ang araw mo. At may stupid smile ka sa mukha mo na sadyang di mo matanggal. Hahaha. Ok, stop. LOL. :))

Pinalabas rin pala namin kanina sa Filipino subject yung project namin for midterms na Music Video Song Translation. Nakakatawa at nakakatuwa. Pero yung project namin, walang nakakaalam nung storya kaya nagulat silang lahat sa video. Yung song namin "Only reminds me of you" tagalized version. Haha. Basta maraming kinilig. Sigawan. Tapos ayan, inaasar na ako. Sabi pa nila, kamukha daw nung partner ko sa video yung crush ko! Hindi naman. HMP. Di-hamak naman mas gwapo yung crush ko. LOL. Ok tama na. :)) Nakakahiya na. LOL.

Ayos ah, yung post ko may malungkot at masayang kwento. Haha. :) Mag-aaral pa ako. Patay ako neto bukas sa exam pag hindi pa ako nag-aral ngayon. :o

Rearranging my life.

My previous post would be the last post I will have about that stuff. Starting today, I'm gonna rearrange my life for the better.

I wanna go back to the 'me' back in first term. I always do things ahead of time and I always study. Or maybe, 2nd term isn't as exciting as 1st term. Well, maybe because we just started out in college and was very eager and excited about it. We wanted to do better than what we were in High School.

2nd term is on going for almost 5 weeks already and I still can't feel it. I can't believe that 2 weeks from now, it's going to be our Midterm week! I never even learned anything much yet. Well maybe except for a few like in Algeb-x, Comsk1x Lab and Dynarel(Dynamics of Religion). Oh, and P.E for Team Sports. Other subjects are not so interesting for me. Our prof in Comsk1x Lecture is kinda boring. Students rarely go in her class; or if ever they do, they don't even listen or they count how many "Okay?" and "K?" words our prof said in our 1-hour class. INSOCIO(Introduction to Sociology) is okay, but I don't find it that interesting yet unlike our GEPSYCH(General Psychology) back in 1st term. But the prof's okay. Our Filip12, though we have the same prof we had in our Filip11 class, I notice that my blockmates get uninterested as every meeting goes. Our prof's funny and ayos magturo. I learned a lot from him in Filip11. Kahit naman ngayon e pero hindi lang sobrang eager unlike dati. Maybe I just have to recharge. Lol, battery? Haha. But yeah, maybe because my class is sooooo early now unlike before. And I have to wake up 3 hours before my class! If my class is 7am, I have to leave the house at 5-5:30am! It's still dark at that time. Haha. But oh well, I just have to make those little sacrifices 'cause I chose to study in a school that's miles away from where I live.

Anyway, I love how my week started. It was great. Well, aside from the fact that I am having fun learning and playing basketball(haha).. We had the 2nd session of my blockmate's Photography lesson. He's teaching my friend and my friend's blockmate about some photography stuffs. And I have fun listening also since I'm kind of into photography too. I wanna learn how to shoot better. :D And my friends and I had this idea of putting up an online shop just like those in Multiply. But ours is a all t-shirt shop. And we're going to design the shirts. I love it! Hopefully, we can start by next week. Dati ko pa talaga naiisip yang ganyang business eh, kaya lang parang kekelanganin ko ng kasama talaga. Hehe.

I never felt this great in weeks. I don't know why. I'm happy right now. :) And that's a good start. That person PMed me after weeks of not talking. How's that? But you know what's great? I don't feel anything anymore. :) This is really the start. I hope I continue moving forward. I know I will. :)

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Blog post is edited due to decisions that Iwill make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know.

Once is enough, twice is stupidity and too much.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life that when the time I realize it, I regret it so much. But as time goes by, I realize that mistakes aren't so bad. Because I get to learn from it; and learning not to commit the same mistake again.

I've learned to say the line, "Once is enough, twice is stupidity and too much" to myself.

Just like my past wrongs, I know in time, I can accept and realize that this recent mistake I made will make me a wiser and better person. But not now. I'm still grieving over the fact that I lost a person over this. At least, that's what I want to think. I lost a friend, someone who made me realize that I can be happy again.. and someone who made me realize that I can open my heart again.

I know it was a wrong move. I never should have done it, or never should have said it, rather. I thought it was fine, for I thought it was just a passing feeling; a simple admiration for someone so nice to me and someone who makes me laugh and happy. But I never thought it could lead to something deeper, something I never expected to happen. It was not love. Let's say, it's better said as, a lot like love.

It was pretty fine at first. The friendship went on as it is, like nothing happened or like I never said anything. I felt relieved that he didn't change his ways towards me.

But things started to become hard and confusing for me. He knows. And we're friends. That sucks, 'cause I felt it first. It's not wrong to like someone, it's just that, what I did was wrong. Well, not so wrong, but just improper; not right. I never thought it was included in GUYS101 to not tell that you like him or have a little crush on him. I mean, what's the big deal? It's just a little crush. It's not like your world revolves around him.

And now.. things started to change. The first few weeks was pretty fine, I never noticed a change at all. But now, things are different. Wayyy too different. And it's quite sad. I know things will never be the same again. I don't even know how to talk to him or approach him.

I regret that I may completely lose the friendship. But you know, it was kind of my favorite mistake. I never thought I could have that courage. It was a first, and I opt not to do it again, I hope. Now, I don't know what to do. I don't know how things would be. I just hope for the better.

He's happy, I guess. And I should be, too.

Leave the false hopes behind, so I can finally move from where I stand.

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Blog post is edited due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know.

Of Happiness and Being Grateful

'Cause I've been in places where I couldn't even see the light of day, and then you came. And I'm grateful.. you showed me the way back to my beautiful..

Yes. Maybe God really has a reason why we crossed paths. That person came to my life for a purpose. I came to that person's life for a purpose too. And I know that purpose. When we met, I didn't realize it suddenly.. but days went and I knew, I wanted that person to be happy. And that person is now, happy than ever. And I am glad. But what I never expected or even wanted to like him. He made me happy. Hey you. do you know that? He made me happy without doing anything at all. Just talking to him made me happy. I was happy before he came. But when he did, I was happier than ever!

You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you know it's going to be a wonderful day? That feeling when you wake up in the morning and your day starts with a smile? That even when things go bad or from bad to worse and everything is so stressing, you know everything will be alright? That feeling when you see everything in a positive way? That feeling of wanting to wake up every day? That feeling when you get to appreciate life more? That feeling when you have every reason to live and live it to the fullest? That feeling of plain contentment and joy? It feels so good right? Yes, it does. It felt so good. He made me feel all these.

You see, he somehow came at the right time. I was in the verge of being somehow sad at times. That old feeling when I am looking for something I don't even know what. That feeling of filling up my emptiness. That feeling of finding and having something or someone who will find and put the remaining empty pieces of my heart back. That feeling of bringing my heart back to life. I am happy though even if I feel these at times. I am happy because I get to study at my preferred school, with my preferred course.. because I'm happy with my friends and my family.. and because I have a deeper relationship with God. I had every reason to want to live and every reason to be happy. But you know, I still was broken then. I still was picking up the remaining shattered pieces of my heart and fixing it back.

And he came. I didn't expect that he can make me happier. I didn't expect that I could like him more than a friend. I was in denial at first, because I said to myself that I still can't handle it if I fall real hard and get shattered all over again, worse than what happened to me then. I think I couldn't handle it. And besides, I'm not in a rush. But man, I just couldn't explain what I felt. I felt happy every time I talked to him. I knew it but still was thinking why I felt that way. Until I accepted it myself although I was super scared. I said I can't let it fall any deeper than what I was feeling then.

But sometimes, you are not just the key to someone's happiness. Sometimes, it is another person. And sometimes, you have to let go of your own happiness just to make that someone happy.

By doing that, I've finally done my purpose to him: for him to be happy.

And I realized what God wanted me to realize. I know I can like(as in super) or love again, I just don't want to believe it. He came, and I believed. I was unhopeful of being able to feel happiness again. He came, and I was able to be happier than ever. I was afraid of falling and getting hurt and taking risks. He came, and I conquered all those.

Basically, it was for me to realize not to give up on love and happiness. The door had always been open.. It's just me not wanting to go inside for fear of failing myself and my heart. Life is all about taking risks.

And so we are fair. He has finally done his purpose to me.

Moving forward... and we'll still be friends.. good friends. But still not now, I'm getting there.