I've made a lot of mistakes in my life that when the time I realize it, I regret it so much. But as time goes by, I realize that mistakes aren't so bad. Because I get to learn from it; and learning not to commit the same mistake again.
I've learned to say the line, "Once is enough, twice is stupidity and too much" to myself.
Just like my past wrongs, I know in time, I can accept and realize that this recent mistake I made will make me a wiser and better person. But not now. I'm still grieving over the fact that I lost a person over this. At least, that's what I want to think. I lost a friend, someone who made me realize that I can be happy again.. and someone who made me realize that I can open my heart again.
I know it was a wrong move. I never should have done it, or never should have said it, rather. I thought it was fine, for I thought it was just a passing feeling; a simple admiration for someone so nice to me and someone who makes me laugh and happy. But I never thought it could lead to something deeper, something I never expected to happen. It was not love. Let's say, it's better said as, a lot like love.
It was pretty fine at first. The friendship went on as it is, like nothing happened or like I never said anything. I felt relieved that he didn't change his ways towards me.
But things started to become hard and confusing for me. He knows. And we're friends. That sucks, 'cause I felt it first. It's not wrong to like someone, it's just that, what I did was wrong. Well, not so wrong, but just improper; not right. I never thought it was included in GUYS101 to not tell that you like him or have a little crush on him. I mean, what's the big deal? It's just a little crush. It's not like your world revolves around him.
And now.. things started to change. The first few weeks was pretty fine, I never noticed a change at all. But now, things are different. Wayyy too different. And it's quite sad. I know things will never be the same again. I don't even know how to talk to him or approach him.
I regret that I may completely lose the friendship. But you know, it was kind of my favorite mistake. I never thought I could have that courage. It was a first, and I opt not to do it again, I hope. Now, I don't know what to do. I don't know how things would be. I just hope for the better.
He's happy, I guess. And I should be, too.
Leave the false hopes behind, so I can finally move from where I stand.
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Blog post is edited due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know.
3 comments:
Taking something from your chest, telling the words you want to tell to the guy is a big risk. Still, it's an act of courage that only a number of people can do. Kudos to that.
You're right on telling yourself to move on. Remember that there are many fishes in the sea. You'll be meeting the right person for you someday. Not just now, though.
you know what, sis? i've actually been through this same shit. the only difference is that we're NOT even friends. i told him i love him. sad to say, things didn't work out for the both of us (Chel knows all of these stuffs. She was with me through it all). at first i thought what i did was wrong but as time passed by, i realized that 'twas the best damn thing that i ever did. so braaaave. xP i admire you for being that way too. :) you'll learn a lot from what happened to you. i hope for the best. take care cha! xoxo
dan hellbound: Yeah, I know it was a big risk. But hell, I never imagined myself telling someone that 'cause I never was that brave. But I did and got to realize I have that courage in me.
And I agree with you on your last paragraph. I always tell myself that and.. I'm still young. I have lots to do and lots to learn about. Long way to go pa. Anyway, thanks! :)
Ate Iris: Really? Well, right now, I think what I did was wrong. Especially that, we're friends! But maybe in time, I will also realize what you realized. :D And just like what I said to Dan Hellbound, I never imagined myself having that courage since it's something only few people can do. And I'm glad I'm one of those. Haha. At least, na-experience ko yun dba. Hehehe. Thanks Ate Iris! :)
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