Happy and not.

I still can't get over this.

Badtrip ako at masaya at the same time.

Bakit?
Let's start with the happy thought.

Happy because I got to hang out with my high school barkada again! We were together for almost like the whole day it was really fun! I last saw AJ during our high school batch reunion last July; Niki and Francel, 2 months ago; and Jhem, well, we study in the same school but I rarely see her but still at least, I see her. Lol. I last saw her on the first week of third term. Anyway, I can always see her if I want to. But not really hang out and talk a lot.

We ate at Teriyaki Boy for lunch which is around quarter to 2pm. Yeah. Haha. I'm kind of getting used to strolling around the mall alone, I have always done that since I got to college. And I wasn't really really familiar around TriNoMa so I kind of got lost. Haha. I forgot where National Bookstore was! And they said they'll just meet me there. And as usual, I was late for like an hour, which I hate. You know, I hate being late because for almost like my whole life, I've been always late. And I know how it feels like to be waiting, ALOT.

Then after, we bought movie tickets to P.S. I love you. Then we went to have a studio picture! Hahaha. Hindi halata na di kami mahilig magpicture at magpose. We're not vain people. :)) We have to wait for 20 or 30 minutes to have the picture developed so we decided to have coffee. Starbucks was full, as usual. So we went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf instead.

There, we reminisced about high school. Browsed old pictures and some videos we had. Gosh, good times! We were all laughing so hard! We talked about college, where our batchmates went, what courses they are taking up, crushes, relationships, college friends, what have we been up to, our courses, and other stuff. And our day together isn't complete pag hindi kami nanlalait ng tao. LOL. So mean, right? But that's how we are. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like that though. It's just that when I'm with them, I can't help it because I gotta admit, sometimes oftentimes, I agree with them. LOL. And syempre, hindi nawawala ang chikahan. Ang aking mga kaibigan ay napaka-updated sa mga bagay-bagay.

It's those moments that I would always want to treasure. I suggested that every month, we should get together. And they all agreed. Of course who wouldn't right? Hehe. Just for catching up and hanging out. It's priceless.

Then we went to get our picture. Hehe. It's so cute! :))

So malapit na kami umuwi and I texted my mom na magpapasundo na ko. But AJ asked us to accompany her to her house because she's not used to commuting alone. Now that she and her bf broke up, wala nang magddrive sakanya. Haha. E sakto, malapit na kami sa bahay ni AJ, andun na sila Mommy nag-aantay sa binabaan ko nung hinatid nila ako. SHET. I swear, never akong kinabahan ng ganun kanina. I don't know why. I was so worried. So my mom called me again and asked me where I was and her voice sounded like she was pissed off. Even my brother shouted at me on the phone while he was driving. Sucks. I was so worried that I'll get caught. Pero diba, wala naman akong ginagawang masama. Hinatid lang namin si AJ. Only that, hindi ako nakapagpaalam. Kaya siguro I was worried.

Francel: I feel you, Cha. Ganyan din ako nun.
Francel: Pero Cha bakit ganun? Diba nung high school lagi kang pinapayagan? Tapos ngayong college parang mahigpit sayo?
Nikita: Ako rin e, kung kelan nag-18 ako saka naging mahigpit.
Cha: Ewan ko nga e. Hindi pa ako kinabahan ng ganito dati. Siguro kasi, hindi nila alam kaya ganun. *******! Shet. *panicking*

I'm glad they all helped me. I was so worried na magsabay yung taxi at sasakyan namin. Thank God, hindi.

Badtrip lang ako kasi pag ako, kaya kong maghintay ng dalawang oras para sa kanila. Kahit umalis na lahat ng tao sa paligid ko, at nadaanan na ako ng 1000+ na sasakyan at mga tao, ayos lang kahit magmukha akong tanga na walang ginagawa at kausap. Pag sila, nagagalit sila kahit mga 30 minutes lang ang pagkalate ko. Hindi ko naman siguro pwedeng ipagcompare talaga kasi mas bata ako kesa sa kanila dba?

Masama lang talaga loob ko pag ganun. Late ka lang, kahit sinasabi nila ng pabiro alam mong may something dun sa sinasabi nila.

Ako pag nalalate ako at sila ang dahilan, hindi ko naman sila masisi. Pag late ako dahil matagal ako, nagagalit sila. Malabo di ba? Bakit ang unfair?

Alam kong mali ipagcompare kasi sobrang iba sila sakin. Pero pag sila iniintindi ko, sana ganun din sila sa akin. Kahit alam kong mas swerte ako compared sa iba dahil hindi nila ako sinisigawan at sinasaktan physically, minsan nasasaktan nila ako emotionally. Kahit little ways lang, pero sensitibo akong tao e, may mga bagay na sobrang naaapektuhan ako kahit maliit lang na bagay.

Yun lang talaga. Madali akong umintindi. Pero sana ganun din sila sakin. Sana kahit papano sa unfair na takbo ng buhay, kahit konti naman maging fair sila. Sobrang masama lang talaga ang loob ko pag ganun. Lagi na kasing nangyayari eh.

Ang nakapagtataka pa, bakit nung high school hindi sila masyadong mahigpit when in fact, dapat dun ka mas mahigpit dba? Pero ngayong college, parang mas mahigpit at nagmamadali sila.

I mean, I can take care of myself. They just won't let me. I can do things by myself. They just won't let me. And worse, I feel that they don't believe in what I can do. I can do whatever I want to do with all limitations. They just won't let me, with or without limitations. I feel like I am being so babied. Is it because I am the only girl? I am turning 17, gosh! I will be legal the next year! It makes me feel bad that they're somehow depriving me of feeling the complete real world. They have brought me up really well and I know that I know what is wrong from what is right. They have to let me make mistakes and so I will let them enter my world. I don't know why it is hard for them to let me go. I don't know why it is that I feel they don't want me to grow up yet.

It's not something they say to me directly, but that's how I feel. I don't want to be treated so much as a princess because I'm not. I don't want to get used to that because I know I can do things but because they won't allow me, I feel that I can't do it. Gets?

I always say to my brother that time flies by fast. And he always reply, "Bakit ka ba nagmamadali?" The thing is, I'm not. It's just the way the reality and life goes. It is fast-paced and you can't let yourself be left out. You have to move on. Kasi pag napag-iwanan ka nang sobra, mahirap na mag-keep up. Ewan ko, minsan ganun eh. Pero hindi ko naman sinasabi na dapat nagmamadali ka. I'm not. It's just that you can't let life pass you by without you living it. Right?

Haay, basta. Masama pa rin ang loob ko kahit sobrang babaw niyan. Pero, ako 'to eh.