Life goes on.

No matter how much it hurt and no matter how pathetic it may seem, there's no denying that you did feel something for him. So what if he found someone else? Go on. Just go and move on with your life. Because even if you knew it would come sooner or later, it would still hurt. Even if it seemed that the world has stopped for that one moment you were always afraid of, life just goes on.

It really hurt.

I just saw what I was so afraid of seeing. No it's not ghosts nor other scary things. It is scary though, not in a horror scary way but in a hurtful scary way. The moment I saw that, I just froze and felt the pain. Shot through the heart.

It was pathetic, my reaction. But it did hurt.

I really knew sooner or later this would happen you know. I just didn't think it would happen this SOON. I've thought about this countless of times. I even dreamed about it. I guess I would act like how I did in my dream. I should be happy like FINALLY! YEY!

But no, tears formed.

I'm trying to get better. Because no matter what, you know, life goes on. No matter how much it hurt. It was such a bad timing for me.

I guess it's my heart, my mind, or Someone. God? Because He loves me, He wanted me to know it right away. Because He knows this would make me better.. after. I wanted to ask, "why??" But, all these things happening to me is my fault too. God gave me hundreds, even thousands of chances to make this better. My studies, my working habits, myself and all other things. But I just took it all for granted. I always end up getting worse and worse each time.

I know I think that I have had enough failures and disappointments this year alone because really I think I have, not ever in my 17 years I felt this kind of disappointment for myself. But I just gotta accept it the way it was given. I had to learn all these the hard way. =| My failures, my mistakes, my shortcomings, everything wrong I did.. it just all came back rushing to me hitting me back in the face with such force that it hurt so much.

School is effed up enough for me. I'm so stressed out, psychologically, physically and more so emotionally. And then this comes. Like it could get any worse.

But I just have to take it all, face it. I'm sick of running away.

I've done so many mistakes this year alone. I've disappointed myself, my family, and God. And trust me nothing is more frustrating than that.

I had to get hurt harder to wake up.

And I've kind of lost interest in the book I'm reading. It somehow reminds me of our story.

"There are things we regret;
Words we wish had gone unsaid,
Beginnings that had bitter endings,
Chances we threw away,
Roads we should have never taken,
Signs we didn't see,
Heart we hurt needlessly,
& wounds we wish we could mend.
The past can't be rewritten,
But it can make you stronger.
Be thankful for every change,
for ever heartbreak,
for every scar.
Pages were turned,
Bridges were burned,
But you,
you learned."

teabagsonthepavement:

you were happy once; you were sunshine and smiles and a brightness that radiated. you may be cloudy now, you may not want to sing. you may just want to fold inside of yourself, on the oldest couch you can find, by the biggest window, and watch it rain. you used to find that little things made you happy; now you can’t even find the big things. somehow, along the way, you lost yourself. one foot in front of the other, sweetheart, and you will find your way back.