Bad week.

This week is really bad for me. :( And I hate it. I never had a week like this in college. It makes me sad.

Monday started out really well. Our waltz dance presentation in our P.E. class went really good considering that we taught it to our group mates for less than an hour. And the rest of the day went well.

Tuesday was the start of the bad day. I came to school late and I kept on debating with myself whether or not I will come to my 09:40 Literature class because I came to school at about 10:20. I was 40 minutes late. I should have come to class. I knew I should have. I missed our group song singing which according to my classmates is equivalent to 4 quizzes. Their group got 100. Now, I got 0 and I was marked absent. Great. I knew I should have been there.

Wednesday was fine too. But of course, it wasn't so great for me because my Tuesday sucked big time. I still regret the fact that I didn't come to class. Now, I have a big lesson learned: to still come to class even if you're 40 minutes late.

Thursday was steady. We had a free cut in our Literature class. That means I won't see err... my blockmates. So my first class was Filipino. Everything went fine. Cerisse and CJ went to Shang after being uber bored from their 7 hour break since we have no Lit class. My head ached once again for solving Business Math problems in our laboratory class. And lastly, I got to pass my phenomenological paper for my Philosophy class. That was the end of my day. Nothing really special. I guess the only thing that kept me err...happy was listening to With You by Chris Brown. Lol. But still, I can't get over about not coming to my Lit class. I missed a lot. Boo. Oh btw, this was the day that the La Sallian community showed their support to Jun Lozada, a person who knows a lot about the ZTE Broadband deal. So there was this vigil (if that's what they call it, I forgot) outside Benilde and there were a lot of people with their candles with them. I didn't know my way out when my dad called me and told me they were already there. So I went out to the side gate. Lol. Yeah, I think that's what you can literally call it because it's really at the side.

And lastly, today. Friday went really good. I think only Monday and Friday were the days that went well, the start and the end of my week. We had a photo shoot in Plaza Villarosa because Paul and Kevin brought their DSLR cameras with them. I also brought my Nikon coolpix digicam but of course, we used the DSLR cameras more. I finally got my hands on the Nikon D40x! I really want that camera! Before I was so used to the slim and small digital cameras but now, I'm more used to the big and bulky DSLR camera. I wish I had the money. But anyway, back to my Friday. We (Kevin, Camae, Paul and I) left our blockmates and went to SDA Building with a friend from DLSU. While we were on our way up to the 12th floor, I saw Champ of Hale with Bianca King, btw. They went inside the elevator going to the same floor as us. Nagkasabay pa. Haha. I was surprised when I saw Champ 'cause I know he already graduated. I didn't notice Bianca King at first though. This was the real photo shoot. It was really fun and tiring. I never thought taking pictures was really tiring. We shot a lot of pictures since Paul brought his tripod with him. I will post some of the photos here as soon as I get it. We didn't go to our COMSK2x class though. Bad. We didn't even had a chance to study for our Business Math quiz :( But the quiz was okay for me, I guess. BMAT2x was my last class but my day didn't end there. Kevin, CJ and I can't get enough of the photo shoot thingy so we camwhored using the camera's controller. Yana was there too. I also saw Anna, a fellow blogger, and they went to join us. She asked if the camera was mine but then again, it's not. I wish it was. Hehe. After, we (Kevin, CJ and I) decided to shoot a multiple exposure (that's what they call it, I'm not sure) photo in an empty classroom. And after a 12324154 shots, we went home.

My Friday would have gone well but I still consider my week bad. Something's just making me feel bad about it. Probably about what happened in my Tuesday. I was really pissed off, you know. I really really was. Gah. What a lucky way to start off the Chinese New Year. :( I had my hair cut btw, had my side bangs back. My bad week doesn't have to do anything with the hair cut, does it?

:( I hope next week would be fine.

Makinig ka.

TAGALOGLISH POST. Maaaring late para ikwento, pero para 'to sa mga magko-kolehiyo sa darating na school year.

Ang simula ng taon ay nagpapahiwatig na bagong liwanag at bagong buhay para sa karamihan, ngunit para sa mga Senior-slash-graduating students, ito ay kinakatakutan at kakaba-kaba. Ito ang panahon ng paglabas ng mga resulta ng college entrance exams.

Tandang-tanda ko pa ang mga panahong ako ang nasa kalagayan nila. Talaga namang nakakakaba dahil dito nakasalalay ang future mo. Paano na lang kung hindi ako nakapasa sa dream school ko? Sa dream course ko? Paano na lang? Ano na ang gagawin ko? Malamang tinatanong din nila yan sa sarili nila. Dahil ako noong mga panahong iyon, paulit-ulit kong tinatanong yan sa sarili ko at patuloy na ginagambala ang magulong utak ko. Nakakatakot.

Naalala ko nung nakita ko ang Ateneo entrance exam results sa internet, wala dun ang pangalan ko. Nakakalungkot pero tanggap ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Ayos lang kahit hindi sa Ateneo, basta sa UP makapasa ako." One dream school down.

Hinintay ko ang resulta ng UP. Kinakabahan pa rin ako. At ayun, dumating na rin ang pinakahihintay na resulta nang lahat: UPCAT results. Nakakalungkot pero hindi pa rin ako pumasa. Hindi ko inaasahan na pumasa ako dun dahil nung tinake ko yung exam na yun, sobrang sumakit ang ulo ko. Hindi ko kinaya ang Math at Science nila. Disappointed ako, syempre. Another dream school down. Wala na yung dalawa kong dream schools.

Halos gumuho ang mundo ko. Kung ako lang sana yung na-disappoint, ayos lang sakin. Pero.. I also let my parents down. Yun talaga yun eh. Yun yung inaalala ko. Paano na lang kung Ateneo at UP lang ang kinuhanan ko ng exam? Buti na lang sinabi kong mag-take ako ng UST.

Ayan, USTET results na. Natatakot ako baka hindi ako pumasa dahil dun sa talent test. Inaamin ko hindi ko ginalingan dun. Kaya ang kinalabasan, Academic Placement ako. Pero ayos lang, at least pasado. Masaya na ko nun.

Umaasa akong papasa ako ng Benilde. Oo, confident akong papasa ako nun. Pero naiisip ko nun, kung sakaling pumasa man ako, hindi rin naman ako dun mag-aaral. Nalulungkot ako dahil dun ko talaga gusto. Kahit malayo. Akala ko wala akong choice. Akala ko sa UST na ako mag-aaral. Akala ko kukuha na ako ng kursong malayong-malayo sa Arts at hindi ko naman gusto. Akala ko malulunod na ang mundo ko sa mga formulas at solutions ng Math at memorizations ng Science at iba pa. Akala ko..

Pero yun pala, nasa akin lang yung sagot. Matagal kong pinag-isipan kung saan ba talaga, kung saan ako magiging masaya, kung saan ako mag-aaral. Pinag-isipan kong mabuti iyon. I weighed everything down. Lahat ng mga views, bagay, rason, paraan, sinasabi ng ibang tao, sinasabi ko, at sinasabi ng puso ko. Mahalaga sa akin kung anong sasabihin ng mga magulang at kapatid ko kung pinili kong sabihin sa kanila na gusto ko mag-aral sa Benilde. Kaya pinag-isipan ko yung kamahalan ng tuition, layo, at lahat na. Ayoko kasing maging burden sa kanila pagdating sa mga ganung bagay. Hindi kasi nila ako pinagcocommute kaya alam kong hatid-sundo pa rin ako at alam kong magiging mahirap.

I prepared myself to everything that can happen. I was willing to do anything just to study in Benilde.

Ayoko kasi nung mag-aaral lang ako dahil kelangan. Mag-aaral ako dito at ito ang pag-aaralan ko dahil iyon ang gusto ng ibang tao para sa akin. Edi sila na lang dapat nag-aral diba? Hindi ako. Ako kasi yung taong gustong may ma-fulfill, lalo na ang pagiging masaya sa buhay. Gusto ko hanapin kung ano ang rason at purpose ko sa mundo. At gusto ko namuhay ako bilang ako. Ako yung taong maraming pangarap at gusto kong abutin lahat ng iyon. Ako yung taong pinag-iisipan ko ang kinabukasan ko, mahilig akong magplano.

Nagpapasalamat ako na may nagbukas ng mata ko at nagbigay sa akin ng lakas ng loob para gumawa ng final decision. Tinanong ko sakanya, "Does the heart ever go wrong in making decisions?" Sabi niya, depende. At kinwento ko ang buong kwento. Sinabi niya, "Don't make distance a hindrance to your dreams. ...3 or 4 years of driving you to and from school won't hurt them. Tingnan mo ako, ilang beses ako ni-reject ng iba't ibang universities dyan for Economics, pero hindi ako tumigil. Kaya nasa Singapore ako ngayon. Kahit malayo, pero dahil gusto ko, ayos lang. Proud ako sa'yo dahil alam mo kung anong gusto mo. At sana ipaglaban mo yan. I'm 100% at your back on this." Hindi talaga yan yung sinabi niya dahil mas mahaba pa diyan yun, pero yan ang natatandaan kong thought.

Proud din ako sa sarili ko dahil alam ko kung anong gusto ko. Hindi lang kung anong gusto ng mga magulang ko at kung ano ang uso ngayon. Proud ako na naipakita kong kaya kong gumawa ng desisyon para sa sarili ko. Proud ako na naipaglaban ko iyon. Sabi ng kuya ko, "Grabe si Cha 'tol noh, tayo nun basta makapasa at makagraduate okay na. Pero si Cha alam niya talaga gusto niya." Napa-smile lang ako dun.

Mababaw para sa iba na iniyakan ko 'tong bagay na 'to pero mahalaga siya para sa akin.

Iniisip ko kung hindi ko ginawa ito, malamang magiging iba ang buhay ko. Hindi ko makikilala ang mga taong kilala ko ngayon at sobrang nagpapasalamat ako na nakilala ko sila. Sila kasi yung mga taong konting panahon mo pa lang nakakasama pero parang matagal na kayong magkakakilala. Iniisip ko rin kung ganito ako magiging kasaya ngayon kung sa ibang college ako nag-aral. Iniisip ko rin kung nakapasa ako ng UP o Ateneo, ganito rin kaya ang buhay ko? Malamang iba. Ibang-iba.

Kaya masaya ako kung nasaan ako ngayon. Hindi ko talaga pinagsisihan yung ginawa ko at nalaman ko ang sobrang suporta ng family ko sa akin kahit ano pa man ang gusto ko. Akala ko magiging mahirap, pero hindi pala.

Marami akong natutunan sa experience kong 'yan. Grabe noh? Siguro maliit lang na bagay yan sa iba at parang binabalewala lang nila, pero sa akin, sobrang big deal. Iba-iba nga tayo bilang tao. Lahat tayo iba-iba ang mga pananaw at paninindigan.

Kaya sa mga estudyante dyan na ganito ang nararamdaman kagaya sa akin ngayon, alam ko ang nararamdaman niyo. Trust me, I know. And the heart doesn't go wrong in making this kind of decision. Follow what your heart tells you, you won't regret it. I swear. I can attest to that!

It doesn't matter if your choice is wrong or right for as long as you love what you do and happy and content, it is never wrong for believing in your dreams and wanting to achieve it has never been wrong.

--

These are just some of the quotes that inspired me during these times.

Centuries of wisdom never improved on this advice: listen to your heart.

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or or moments that could have been good but weren't or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

To realize one's destiny, is a person's only obligation.

"My heart is afraid that it will suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search for its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

"Wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure."

-The Alchemist

--

I once read that few people follow what their heart says because they are afraid to take the risk and they think that they'd just end up getting hurt. And the heart doesn't like to suffer, so they choose safer risks. But the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. The heart bleeds more when you don't follow what it says. After I read that I asked, "But will they be happy?" I swore I won't be like those people, but I think I might end up to be just like them.

I always believe in listening to what my heart says, I guess I always will. But I will never get to follow what it says. I never got to follow what it said, when I had the chance and the choice in my hands.
-me

That was me back when I was a senior highschool, probably just starting to fill up my college application forms. Found that on my old wallpapers folder.