Term break!

Okay. I dreamt today. It's rare that I actually remember what my dreams are that I think I never dream at all. Today, I had a lot of dreams.

First, my mom and I went out. Probably in a mall, I don't know what mall though. We went inside some kind of store or some place to hang out and I was just sitting there and there were like less than 10 people in there, including us. And they were speaking to each other. Then when the store's about to close, most of them went out already but my mom and I were still there with the store owner. And my mom was talking about me looking younger than 17. And it's weird cos I have full bangs in that dream, LMAO. Then the owner was kind of agreeing to what my mom said. Then my mom told her, "So hindi sila pwede nung lalake kanina? Yung katabi ko na 18-year-old?" I was like, WTF??!?! ROFLMAO!!!! That's not likely to happen in real life. HAHAHA. I actually noticed the guy my mom was talking about. And I thought, "Uy gwapo. Pero.." HAHAHHA. Then I just laughed and said, "ANO?!" Then there were more scenes but it's not that significant. Haha.

Second, I think it's the continuation of that dream. Only that, I was with Cerisse. Apparently, she was there with us too and I don't know why. Haha. We were talking and hanging out and she knows some guy there in the earlier setting of my dream. Apparently, the one beside the guy my mom was talking about. I think, as far as I could remember. Haha.

Third, this was entirely different. I dreamt of a friend. This time, we saw each other already. And they just arrived from the airport and went straight to eat. So it was a surprise that we were both there in the same restaurant. Weird cos his brother and him were with a dog, a shitzu(sp? haha) maybe. And I think they were looking for their table. I saw him roaming around before that but wasn't really sure if it was him. Then we were about to leave, or oh yea, we[the girls] were going to the restroom. Then they were walking near our table and BAM! We noticed each other and we both said together, "UY!" =)) Then the conversation went like this:

Me: Kelan ka pa nandito?
Siya: Kakarating lang namin.
Me: O? Hanggang kelan kayo?
Siya: Sa 30.
Me: September?
Siya: *nods*
Me: Ah.
*silence*

=)) And he was just looking at me and smiling and looking surprised. While I didn't know what to say or do and I got conscious and HAHAHHA, said "Sige una na ko. Alis na kami eh." Then there. LMAO =)) Then I think we got on MSN then asked numbers and said we should hang out and such. GAH. Just when... oh well.

Anyway, it's term break for me now! I'm still going to school on Monday to claim my course cards. I'd probably be there the whole day. My BASICOM prof emailed me and told me, along with Tring and Kevin, that she got our grades adjusted. My final grade was 1.5, I don't know what it is now. *crosses fingers* My HARTDS1(History of Art and Design) and DESPRIN(Principles of Design) grade was both 3.5. *dancing banana* I'm praying for my PHILIEN grade now. :| :| I hope I passss! At least all I'm worrying about now are my grades. No more stress from school work deadlines. But, I still have a lot to do in my term break.

I will update soon. Laterdaysss :D

Term's about to end in 5 days!

She followed my gaze and at the sight of it her silent tears began to flow again. She shook madly and I could tell she was trying to be strong in front of me.
Now more than ever I wanted to embrace her, but I couldn't. If I did, I was afraid I would never let her go.
-Signs of Woe, Chapter 11

My hell month is about to end this week. YEY! For the past few weeks I've mostly been stressing myself over deadlines and whatnots for school. Fortunately, I survived. Even if I lacked sleep, even if I almost gave up. I was awake for 36 hours last Thursday. BOOM. I didn't even feel sleepy the whole day, not until we waited for our HARTDS1(History of Art and Design) professor for course cards distribution.

Speaking of, I was really really scared for that subject 'cause our prof usually scares us about how half of his classes fail and all that. Well, I had one assignment I wasn't able to pass. And it's the one and only assignment he gave for the whole term. But.. I got a 3.5! *dancing banana* I didn't expect that. At all. And I'm just so grateful and thankful to God for everything! I always prayed to Him to give me strength to go on and to guide me and let me see the light. Yeah, I was that close to giving up. I could just slack off anytime I want to, that would make my life easier. But no, slacking means failing. I wouldn't want that.

So I'm done with most of my school works. There are only 2 left to do which is DESPRIN(Principles of Design) and BASICOM(Basic Computer). Actually, I'm supposed to be doing my DESPRIN finals right now. But I'm kind of taking my time. After posting this, I probably will go start doing my 'self-portrait'. I hope I won't mess it up :o

You might probably wonder what that Signs of Woe is, yeah? Well maybe not but just thought of sharing what it is. It's a novel, posted online, on MySpace. It's Twilight-inspired, so it's kind of close to the vampire thingy. ;) I'm still waiting for the chapter 12 to come up so I'm reading other online novels. I love to read and read a lot during my free time. On term break, I probably will watch a lot of DVDs and catch up with television and stuff. Term break's just one week although it won't be enough rest for me, at least there's time to rest than none at all, yes?

I'd better cut this off now, I can't think of anything to say already. I made a Tumblr account btw. And that's what made me post here in my real blog. Ginanahan, haha. ;p

Napanaginipan kong bumalik ka na, parang totoo. Ginigising ako ng tatay ko para kumain. Pero parang ayoko nang magising.
Mali ito.

I wanna be superhuman.

So I have downloaded the latest version of Firefox and along with it, downloaded lots of add-ons and themes compatible with the new version. This is why I actually love Firefox, for its add-ons. It makes life so much easier for me. Ha ha. I can have everything I have online like IMs, emails, social networking sites, etc., in just this browser. I have Foxclocks too so I know what time it is where ever in the world. Cool yeah? :D It's just boo though cos the Multiply and MySpace toolbar won't work for the latest version. I hope they update soon. I have the Facebook Toolbar though, at least. Then I won't be lazy opening my Facebook account now. I also downloaded the Gmail notifier, Yoono, CTRL-Tab, Save Session, and others I can't remember anymore. :]] I'm loving my themes. Right now, my browser is color light green. Ha ha. :]]

Anyways. School has been taking much of my time lately, as it always does actually. I actually don't like this term very much cos this term had me really scared like crazy. Every single freakin' day I think I'm going to have a heart attack just thinking or imagining of what will happen during the day. It's actually mostly because of ORALCOM. It really catches me off guard. I hate not being able to prepare myself beforehand with things that's out of my comfort zone. It's okay going out of that comfort zone if and only if I am prepared. If not, well, my heart has probably--if it can-- ripped out of my chest already. Yeah.

Aside from all those scary things(for me at least), life's been going well. Since my family, friends and I went to MOA(that place on the bayside, forgot the name) to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I don't know, it just had me come back to my rightful place. It made me happier and brighter, at least. And that's good yeah? :D

So these days has been the most scariest rides of my life. For one, well I really don't know. Mmm.. next is because finals is nearing and that means dozens of projects all piled up for deadlines. I think I have mentioned that on my previous post. It just keeps getting worse everyday the deadline comes close. Ohwell. I just want this term to end. Until that day comes, I'm just going to have to hold my breath and continue living this shit. I'm not the one who easily gives up but I actually thought of already giving up things like school responsibilities, like I don't wanna do them anymore. Good thing I still have this positive side in me which actually saved me from giving in to being physically and emotionally weak. I could have had an emotional breakdown! But some things just keep me going and strong. I have to.

As you can see, this blog has been my medium for putting my repressed emotions. So my blog posts will kind of contain these rants until the term ends. You'll have to bear with me on that. ;)

I've finished reading Breaking Dawn as well, last Sunday. It's been hard reading it with me left hanging on what will happen next 'cause I have to do my more prioritized things to-do. But yeah, I loved it. Not as much as I loved Twilight and the other books in the series though. But it's all good. I am happy and satisfied with how it ended. Some people didn't like it and yeah probably because of the too perfect ending. I think it would have been much better if there was a fight. I was really hoping there would be a fight but I was left disappointed. But oh wells, it's okay, I'm a sucker for happy endings anyway. ;) I'm re-reading Twilight again on my free time. My brother's reading it as well but he's so slow. Ha ha. :]]

Went to SM Fairview today to buy a dress for my HS classmate's debut on Saturday. I thought I'm going to have a facial treatment but they won't allow it since I guess they don't think the scars from all that pricking will wear off on Saturday so I just had a cleaning instead. I loveeedd it! Lmao, I love every thing that causes me to relax these days. It feels good having that kind of pampering amidst all the stress. It's been hard a gold or silver dress cos that's what it says on the invitation! Come in gold or silver. Wth. Ha ha :]]

I think this one's pretty long now. ARGH. I'm not planning to write a post at all today! :]] Have to go. Kbye :)

You know what sucks?

K so I haven't really posted a real update for the past uh, weeks. I wasn't planning to blog tonight but I just have to rant this thing I have been thinking of since last week. It just got into me though it often happens to us for the longest time.

So before that, I'm going to excuse myself for not being able to blog. Although this won't really be a valid one since my schoolmates have been able to update theirs no matter how busy it is in school these days. It's not THAT busy though, I just like to be 'busy'. :)) But forealz, it's August now and all the workload has been dumped into us by our professors, and they're not even our design/major profs! Okay, maybe I'm just lazy. And whenever I thought of updating, I'm not able to do it since I'm being distracted by either Plurk or the Twilight updates. Soyeah.

I'm gonna talk about my life these days. Seriously I've never felt this scared. Like everyday, you're scared of something, like something is going to happen terrible. Almost every single freakin' day, I'm scared that I almost would not want to live the day but I have to. There's this voice inside me that says I have to get through the day, that I should. It's not suicidal okay? :)) It's just like I want to escape the everyday stresses and fears I'm experiencing. One reason for that is ORALCOM. I hate public speaking. I obviously am not confident with myself. I know it's those kind of things I have to improve but fear just gets in the way. Main reason why I have these quotes written on my Starbucks Planner, "Don't ever let fear hold you back." and "Why worry if you can pray?", so I won't get so scared and worry so much anymore. I wasn't having this problem back in high school, maybe a little bit, but not this kind of fear. Back in high school, we were trained to speak in front a lot during our Speech Laboratory classes and we were so used to it that it helped me gain my confidence. Back in senior year, I had to speak in front of the whole school body and deliver my speech during our Student Council Miting De Avance and didn't have any problem with that. I feel like my self-confidence has decreased to a depressing level. And I don't like that, it makes me feel frustrated about myself.

Second is that... well, *can't think of any other reason*, OHYEAH, P.E.! :)) Just because I don't know anyone there. Though I'm getting better with talking to people in that class and I now have people to play table tennis with. So I'm kind of okay with that now. *insert dancing banana here*

K next. It's August now.. which means, last month of the term; finals; more plates; projects; more projects; and of course, BREAKING DAWN RELEASE! So that last one makes my August bearable. *dancing banana* I told you above that our prof dumped us bunch of workloads, specifically our PHILIEN(Philippine Literature in English) professor. We have to make a scrapbook consisting of the things we treasure most and a comics interpreting Bringing the Dolls, and it's all due on Tuesday! We also need to create a magazine about ourselves(I think) for the finals. Talk about expenses. I'm broke, you know. I just spent my savings on buying a new optical mouse and a 1GB DDR2 RAM for my PC. I don't regret buying it though, why of course why would I? It made my computer perform faster! *dancing banana again* And I wouldn't have to lag so much when AVG scans my computer, just like what it's doing now, and I'm not lagging unlike before *annoyed emoticon from plurk*. Also, I wouldn't have to deal with my old mouse. You know the mouse with the ball? LMAO.

Add to the school works are my DESPRIN plates, HARTDS1 Finals exhibit(on which I have to make a product that's wearable or we can use and it should be inspired by an art era like the Egyptian or Christian art, etc. Any ideas? :D), ORALCOM speeches(oh no for impromptu speeches!), and uhm, yeah I think that's it. Ohyeah, BASICOM! BASICOM company website and our defense! Mannn. With all that, I think I have to go now to finish my plate but I haven't gotten to the main point of this post yet.

I've posted this on Plurk. I hate being compared. I hate being misunderstood. I hate being underestimated. I know it's one way of driving someone to do better. You know, I'm really trying hard to do better and I think I'm successful in doing so. This is most likely to be such a teenage angst but I don't think they appreciate it all. Well maybe they do, but I don't feel it. It's when I do things that aren't acceptable that they notice. It's not that I do much of that but it's mostly the mistakes, you know? It sucks. Especially being underestimated, like I can't do this and I don't know this when in fact I actually do. It makes me feel so less of myself. Like they make me feel I'm stupid. I know I have to wake up early and mostly my fault why I'm always late, yes okay, but I'm so sleep deprived that I'm not able to do so. I often stay up late cos I'm doing something school-related. I'm often in front of the computer cos that's what my course requires. I know they're just concerned about me. But I think they have to understand my side too. Which I cannot make them understand cos I can't say anything to them. I don't want to argue with them anymore so I just keep my mouth shut.

Sucks that way. You know, I really have the drive to prove to them that I will be someone someday. I just need them to believe in me. And I don't feel that they do. *tears*