Back?

I don't know, I've never been away. It's just I'm too lazy making a blog post. :))

So as you guys have noticed, I have a new layout! Swing life away ;) I made this when I felt so unfree. Just late last week I think. I thought of how life things were so simple before and now it's just so complicated. It says there...

remember when you thought boys had cooties; when friends were new, dreams were un-shattered and worries few; when recess was too short and life was too long; decisions came easily without need to belong; when storks delivered the babies and passions weren't so strong; friendships were un-broken; right was right, and wrong was wrong; when bad things didn't happen; when only skinned knees brought tears and the night light in it's socket quieted all our fears; when farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part;

the fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.

We all just have to grow.

I don't know if it looks good on your browsers but it does on mine. Oh well, tell me if it's not aligned and I'll just have it back to being on the left side and not centered. ;)

Okay I don't know how to put in words what I'm feeling right now. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to think because I'm already thinking too much. My brain probably can't hold any more, at least that's what I think. So maybe to summarize everything, I think I'm such a mess right now. It doesn't show but a lot of things have been going on in my life. It's like everything just collided and for the first time, I don't know how to handle it. I don't know, it's just me. I don't have anyone to tell things to so everything I think and am feeling is just bottled up inside me. If not for things that make me sane like school, friends, good times and God, I've probably gone crazy.

Or maybe not. I'm just overreacting. :]]]
I just need alone time. To reflect. But people won't leave me alone. I can't go on a day being quiet and sad without people bugging me and asking me what's wrong or if I'm okay. They're not used to seeing me that way because I naturally am a bubbly and cheerful person. So what am I to do? Put on my happy mask and pretend everything's okay. I'm good at that.

Oh wait, no actually things are going kind of well. It's not like a major problem. Again, it's just me. The problem is me. I just have to figure out things or whatever. And.... I've been kind of neglecting my relationship with Him. So I'm trying to get it back and be close to Him again. I always go to church every Sunday but I haven't been too sincere and I forget to pray. :( So yeah.

On other things, well, I actually have a life! Every Sunday, we have our cotillion practice for Myca's debut on the 25th. To top it off, I get to see my HS friends every week which makes it even cooler. I have FREHAND, COLREND, COMGRAP, and HARTDS2. It may be hard but it's fun for me(except for one, haha). I just have to know how to balance my time and priorities. And uh, well, I'm happy, kind of. Not as happy as last week though. Well at least, I'm not a zombie or something. Two weeks before last week I just noticed that I'm kind of off. At least now, I'm back on track. And some things just keep me going.. and happy. But this is something I can say genuinely last week. Oh gosh I'm so complicated, haha.

I now know which things to let go of at the moment though.

I don't want to go back to being empty and.. numb. I don't want to push people away anymore moreso those people who really care about me. But, 2 minutes ago, I just did. Oh well.

Tsk. I won't say anymore. I can't understand what I want to say anymoreeee andddd... I'm complicated. Yeah.

Bye. Later.