Heppeh.

I am happy with my life right now. I am just so. And I am thankful for that. I'm so thankful to God for that. Things are getting better. And.. ayun. I just wanna stay this way for at least, a while. :)

My brother's(eldest) getting married on the 18th. :) HAPPY. EXCITED. KILIG. Hehehe. At long last!!! :D

It's stress week. I'd like to call it semi-hell week. Today's the start of the week before the Finals. Gosh, wish me luck. :) I hope I can do the things I'm supposed to do. And not do this muna. And not go online for hours when I'm supposed to be doing more important stuffs. LOL. :p

HAPPY HAPPY. :) Although stressed. :) Things are so going well. I just want to make my mind stable. And not have anything bothering it for the moment. I have lots to do. Okkkss. :)

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Blog post and title was changed due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know.

You lost, but I made you win.

I am in a state of confusion.

What's there to be confused about anyway?
There's so much to do and this is what I think about.
I bet you do not even care.

It's not me.
No, it's not me.

I never thought it would feel this way.
My heart felt pain awhile ago.
And now I hate you for making me feel that pain.
It's not me, no, it's not me.

I thought this wasn't serious.
I'm not ready for this.

I don't want to feel this anymore.
I don't want to feel this great feeling anymore.

It will only hurt me if it becomes deeper. And happier.
Don't scar yourself into my heart.
I'm not yet ready to be hurt in this kind of thing.
After two long years...
Yes, I am still afraid.

Even happiness, I'm afraid to embrace.
How stupid right?

'Cause it hurt me bad. Really bad.
It had some kind of a trauma on me.
It left a deep scar.
It left paranoia.

I just don't think you're worth it yet.
You don't know me that much yet and you said that.
That ruined it all.
Nice move.

You lost the game.
But I made you win again.
Stupid me.
That's how it is, always.

But then again,
Who are you anyway?
After all, we're just friends for # months.
# months.
# months.
Again.
# months.
Just like last time.

# months. # years. # months.
Great. Same old.

Will this be another lonely phase?
I hope not.
This can't be.
It shouldn't be.
I have a lot of things to mind other than this.

I'm wasting my time.

Stupid.

Alam na.

Oo, stupid. Pero wala na 'kong magagawa. Tapos na eh.

Alam na talaga.

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Blog post and title was changed due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know.

being fickle-minded?

Grabe, pano ako naging fickle-minded? I know myself as a person who.. well, isn't fickle-minded (at least not that much). But now, my mind keeps on changing either every day or every week about something. And it's making me more confused. Now I know why I'm confused. It's because I'm making the situation confusing. Ang labo ko talaga. :))

Oh well. I guess this confused thing will soon be over. I hope! And the feeling too. It's just a feeling. The feeling wasn't like before. Tapos, later on, babalik nanaman. Ano ba talaga? Grabe, i so don't know what to do.

It's raining.. it's cold. I feel sadness. But ironically, I know I'm happy. This is so BS.

God. I know you hear me. I've been praying for like.. since 2 weeks ago. So I found a solution and I stood firm on my decision. And now I'm back, praying to you. You know why I did that. And why those 2 weeks became useless. I don't know if I should do that again. Everytime there's something like this, I keep on doing that. Over and over. I've always asked for happiness. Well, I am already. But I'm the one who takes the 'happiness' away from me. Should I lie low? I know it won't really be a solution. I just keep on running away. You know why I'm scared. 'Cause if i do that, i'll be losing someone in the process. And later on, regret, to think that it's my fault why I lost that someone. I don't want that. So, now what? :/ Huhu. *sighs*

I don't make sense. Mas lalong napapalalim ang naiisip ko. Utak ko, sinasabing eto na lang. Tapos mamaya, mag-iisip naman na wag na lang. Hey mind, what's up there?

Escapism. Confused. Reality. I think my mind's going to explode now. Like at this very moment.

I had a dream.

After such a long time of not dreaming.. i had a dream. I thought it was real at first. Haha. But when I woke up I realized, hindi pala. :))

It was kind of weird. But it's really funnyyyyyyy for me :)) Sa lahat ba naman ng mapapanaginipan ko, yun pa? Salamat sa'yo, nanaginip ako ulit. Haha.

Float like a coke float, sprite float and whatever float. Whatever floats your boat!
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Okay so now im hungry.

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lagot, wala naman siguro nakakabasa pa neto ulit dba. :)) HAHA. not in my multiply. im going to erase the link. haha.
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This blog entry is edited due to decisions that I will make my blog publicly announced to everyone I know. :p I'll put my blog link back in my multiply.

Hayyy.

O well. So, it's Friday and there are no classes for high school and college students. It's for the SK Registration thingy. Ayun.

My day went well. Super! It started happy. Hahaha. Why? Because of good friends making me laugh. :) Then I went to school to get my yearbook.

Sht. I never thought I could step foot at OLGM again. So when I did, grabe... it felt so sad. I imagined things though. Like.. pagpasok ko pa lang sa gate, akala ko parang naka-uniform ako ng OL. Pumapasok ako dun. Then, there were people sa canteen, tambay sa umbrellas. Naglalakad galing sa HS building. The usual stuff I see at school. Students na magulo and all. Kumakain. But step back into reality, there's nothing there. It's just the guards, the tall grasses (i bet hindi na sya pinutol since graduation), the trees, the rustling of the leaves... It's just OLGM.. plain & bare. A place that won't be the same again. If it's still open, it should have been a place where students go to learn.. where students fill in their memories, the good and the bad.. where students walk, run, and have fun around.. at the gym, classroom, hallways, canteen, Grace Park and anywhere.. where students greet their teachers when they meet them.. where those lower batches stayed and continue filling in memories of their Alma Mater. But they are nowhere to be found. No students, no teachers. It's sad being there.

It's just a memory relived once again. And we will never forget that place. A place where wonderful memories, dreams & aspirations were made, where camraderie was practiced, where treasured friends were bonded and where teachers made a difference.

In my 4 years of my life, it has been a part of me. 4 years may probably be somewhat short compared to others who were there all their lives. But in those 4 years, I learned to love my Alma Mater. In that institution, I learned so much. From boosting my confidence, having belief in myself, etc. And there, I met wonderful people. Friends, mentors, teachers.. they were the ones who made my stay there so worthwhile. They were the ones whom I created memories with.. memories that I will treasure forever. So, now I'm in college.. I miss them badly! Super iba pa rin talaga. But anyway, ganun talaga. I hope there would be another reunion and hopefully, mas madami kami! Hehe.

I miss everything about High School.

I felt sad leaving the school gates. Siguro yun yung last time na gagawin ko yun. But then, hopefully not. Sana makapasok pa ko ulit dun. With my HS friends naman. Hehe.

It would be a place that won't be forgotten. It may be different in 3 or 4 years from now, but it would still be the same place for us, Montessorians. It would still be OLGMSC in our minds. :)

So enough with the drama.

Wow, this day started well and ended well. So full of laughter. Those two friends made my day. Haha. :) Hey you both, thanks! Haha.
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..i may be all alone tonight, but i believe in the magic that someone, is meant to sit beside me someday..