Take time to realize, it's not gonna be that simple.

Srsly, tinatamad ako magblog these days 'cause I'm busy you know. YAK HAHA. JOKE! :)) I opt to be a busy-busyhan person these days. I really feel accomplished when I do a lot of things and to not think things and eventually end up overthinking it. But srsly, tinatamad ako magblog. Siguro dahil na rin sa nabadtrip ako sa pagcode sa layout ko na supposedly for the Heart's day. I'm still thinking of putting it up though even if Heart's day is way over.

Anyway, my day was pretty good at first but as time went, shet na-badtrip ako. LOL. Nakakapagod mag-antay sa labas ng school sa isang bus papuntang rally sa Makati na hindi naman darating. LOL. Naiwan kami ng bus e, sayang. Pagkalabas namin, nakita namin yung bus ng school nasa kabilang side na sa may DLSU Main. SHET talaga. Sayang yung blue form(for approved absences), lol. But there will still be a next time, dba? Haha, maybe. Kuya Kim(Rupert, lol, that's what we call him cause he really look like Kuya Kim haha) said na sobrang saya daw. Dala lang niya dslr niya eh, fudge, sayang wala kami dun para picture-an niya. LOL. But don't get me wrong, I want to go there not because of "fun"; "experience"; or just the simple petty reason of not getting in class. I want to go there to fight for the truth. Although there's something in me that says there will be no hope and it's really impossible for GMA to step down because I feel that she really won't, I still want to go. If ever, it will somehow make a change, I will be proud to say I was one of the people who stood up to start the change we want to see. Anyway, enough of that. It just ruined my day big time 'cause it was really hot outside and we were just standing and talking there. Nawalan tuloy kami ng gana ni CJ. Kevin and Pem wanted to go to cut classes. And Mikee, well I don't know why he wanted to go. Haha. I swear, nakakapagod. Badtrip talaga.

I said to Kevin and CJ, "Ne-yo na bukas. Parang hindi na ko na-eexcite. Nawala tuloy excitement ko." Fudge. Oh well.

Today wasn't my favorite day at all.

But then at the end of the day, it went back to being normal. Normal means a-okay day for me. Maybe it was because of seeing David Archuleta's pic when Yana's friend from the other block was surfing over Yahoo! for American Idol at Plaza V. LOL. If you're watching AI and knows David Archuleta, but I'm pretty sure if you do watch AI you surely know him, you will so agree with me. Haha. Agree with what? That David Archuleta is LOVEEE. :x Addiction, LOL. Hahaaaayyy :x Okay enoughhh. Haha.

Anyway I have a feeling that March will be a good month for me. And I hope it will be! Things are going so well. We opened an online shop in Multiply(which by the way you should visit! http://umixed.multiply.com, thanks! advertise LOL!), I have more freelance works coming in.. which means more moolah! I have to save up for this year you know. Anything can happen like concerts and more concerts that I have to watch! And I still want to save up for my DSLR. :D However, I also have reasons to hate March. March means more school work, more deadlines, and... a lot more work. LOL. Only one month to go before school ends! Time is fast, have to be productive.

As much as I want to go to school, I also want the summer break. I can't wait for it. Although one month lang, it's okay. Have to do something to make that one month break worthwhile right? :) And I have a lot already planned out. Sana masunod siya! XD

Someone PMed me in YM and told me to look for a boylet for her. HAHAHA. Then she typed her number and said, "CP no ko bigay mo sakanila!!!" SHET. Haha. Is she that desperate? She then said, "ayaw ko mag NBSB kpag mag 18 na ako!" :)) ROFL. Her debut is like 6 months away! She thinks she's being lonely. Well, being NBSB isn't so bad. Being single is fun and might as well make the most out of it. One shouldn't rush on being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. For me, being single and NBSB is fun. I will gladly wait. Wala pa akong nakikita e. O baka ayoko lang talaga. I shall stick to my New Year's Resolution: no time for love. ASA MEHN. Hahaha. But srsly, hanggang like-like lang. Unless I find someone like David Archuleta, maybe that would make me change my mind. HAHA. :))

Too many topics in one blog post eh? Who cares, it's my blog. I love to blab. And I said I was lazy. GREAT. :)) Anyway, until next time. :) (TV Show? Haha)

I need a love generation.

LOL, the title is totally irrelevant to my blog post. But anyway...

MIDTERMS ARE ALREADEH FINISHEDDD! Ohyea. It went well I guess except for my Theology subject which is RECONSE(Religion and Contemporary Search for Self). It was sooo essay. We didn't know that that's how she gives exams. She said our exam is already easy compared to our finals(uh-oh). But overall, I think it went pretty well. I hope I won't fail! =o Oh there's still one midterm left, my PE which is dance. We weren't able to finish our Cha-Cha-Cha routine yet and we don't know when our midterms will be. It was supposed to be on our make-up class last Wednesday but my prof texted one of my blockmates and said she can't come. Oh well. There will be no classes on Monday and our PE class is during Mondays so we just have to wait for the announcement.

Kanina, there was a noise barrage at Taft. I was there! Three colleges were there for the "Busina para sa Katotohanan": DLSU, CSB and St. Scholastica's College. It was an experience! First time! Kevin and I waited until 5:30 and went to Plaza Villarosa in CSB 'cause people from SAO(Social Action Office) went to our class and told us that the meeting place will be there. CJ can't wait any longer so she went home already. Too bad di niya nakita! It was 6pm when it started so we went outside. The moment we went outside, there were so many people already and the crowd grew bigger. We saw Cerisse, Neela and Tracy outside and they went with us. Kevin was really pissed 'cause he wasn't able to bring his DSLR with him. He just used his camphone instead and video-ed it. I just wonder whether some people who were there knew why they were doing that for. Because sadly, some didn't know what's happening. And I said, "Oh my god, don't tell me hindi mo alam ang nangyayari?" And he said hindi daw. And some, don't really care. I don't know if it's got something to do with their social status that they don't give a damn on what's happening in our country. Whatever their social status is, they're still a citizen of our country. Oh well.

Anywayyyy, this is just some update. I think I will put up my new layout on Monday or within this week. I just got lazy on fixing it because I accidentally erased the almost-finished code and I got so pissed so I got lazy. Lol.

Yun lang! :) One week before Ne-yo! Ohyea.

Do you want change?

It's so sad that people misinterpret what other people do for them. People misinterpret what other people sacrifice and risk for them. When that 'other people' only wants something better; for truth to come out; something that will change the perspective of every person living in this country that for once, we still have unity and we still have credible, martyr, and honest people living in our land for our country.

It's what Filipino people lack now: hope, faith, trust, and positivity. I can't blame them. Because of all the numerous crappy things that had happened to our country for the past couple years, I really can't blame them. I bet they're tired of everything they hear in the news because ironically, nothing is really new.

I just hope they won't give up on our country. I hope they would see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still am hopeful that our country will be a better place in time. If only everyone would cooperate and LISTEN. If only everyone would think positively in every way possible, I think we could pull it off. If only the politicians will set aside their personal interests and as well as everyone! If only they will listen to what God is telling us. If only they will still have the faith to move on. We are not stupid. We are aware of everything the government has been doing all along. And if we don't do something about it, even just a little something, nothing would happen. If we all would just think that nothing will happen and we can never do it as a country before doing something, then nothing would really happen. If we just sit and hear, nothing would happen.

You know you want change. And today let's start the change we want to see.

Let me be the change I want to see
to do with strength and wisdom
all that needs to be done...
and become the hope that I can be.

Set me free from my fears and hesitations
grant me courage and humility
fill me with spirit to face the challenge
and start the change I long to see.

Today I start the change I want to see

Even if I'm not the light
I can be the spark
In faith, service and communion
Let us start the change we want to see
The change that begins in me.

Live Jesus in our hearts forever!

If you don't agree with me, it's fine. I am just voicing out what I think is right.

I remember my Filipino professor asked us, "Naniniwala pa ba kayo na may pag-asa pa ang Pilipinas?" Everyone nodded. She said, "Dapat. Dapat maniwala tayo na may pag-asa pa ang Pilipinas."

Just don't lose hope, don't stop believing.

Happy Hearts.

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day.

Should I be excited?

As the dreaded day comes nearer, I realize how lonely it is to be alone sometimes. It's not so bad though. I just can't help but think why the hell am I still single?

Destiny addict? Perfectionist? Busy Bee? Just friends forever? Born to be one? Happy-go-lucky? Wrong time? Parent trap? Trauma? Or just simply don't want to be committed yet?
(from Multiply blogs and Friendster bulletins)

I guess I am a little bit of everything.

I have been spending Valentine's Day for almost 17 years alone.

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day.

Should I be excited?

Maybe or maybe not? Maybe. Why? Because Valentine's day for singles like me is also Single Awareness Day! Happy Single Awareness day! Group date! Wahahaha! :))

Go on girl!

Okayyyyyyyyyyy. I'm not a really really big Ne-yo fan but I reserved tickets for his concert on March 1. The February 29 concert is already sold out so I thought I won't have any chance to go to his concert anymore. Fortunately, there's a one night extension! Ohyea! Hahaha. I just wanna see him dance, if he does. And I like most of his songs so, why not? Haha. I texted people if they wanna go. Gladly, I found some! Ohyeaaa. Upper A, 1943php! Why notttt. Haha.

That's it. I just wanna blog about this. Haha.

Ooh, midterms is next week already, btw! Nyayyyy. It'll be fine. Fighting! Pak! I just realized, Spring Waltz na pala kanina pa! Shetttt! LOL. :)) I totally forgotttt! Well anyway highway, yun lang. :p

Bad week.

This week is really bad for me. :( And I hate it. I never had a week like this in college. It makes me sad.

Monday started out really well. Our waltz dance presentation in our P.E. class went really good considering that we taught it to our group mates for less than an hour. And the rest of the day went well.

Tuesday was the start of the bad day. I came to school late and I kept on debating with myself whether or not I will come to my 09:40 Literature class because I came to school at about 10:20. I was 40 minutes late. I should have come to class. I knew I should have. I missed our group song singing which according to my classmates is equivalent to 4 quizzes. Their group got 100. Now, I got 0 and I was marked absent. Great. I knew I should have been there.

Wednesday was fine too. But of course, it wasn't so great for me because my Tuesday sucked big time. I still regret the fact that I didn't come to class. Now, I have a big lesson learned: to still come to class even if you're 40 minutes late.

Thursday was steady. We had a free cut in our Literature class. That means I won't see err... my blockmates. So my first class was Filipino. Everything went fine. Cerisse and CJ went to Shang after being uber bored from their 7 hour break since we have no Lit class. My head ached once again for solving Business Math problems in our laboratory class. And lastly, I got to pass my phenomenological paper for my Philosophy class. That was the end of my day. Nothing really special. I guess the only thing that kept me err...happy was listening to With You by Chris Brown. Lol. But still, I can't get over about not coming to my Lit class. I missed a lot. Boo. Oh btw, this was the day that the La Sallian community showed their support to Jun Lozada, a person who knows a lot about the ZTE Broadband deal. So there was this vigil (if that's what they call it, I forgot) outside Benilde and there were a lot of people with their candles with them. I didn't know my way out when my dad called me and told me they were already there. So I went out to the side gate. Lol. Yeah, I think that's what you can literally call it because it's really at the side.

And lastly, today. Friday went really good. I think only Monday and Friday were the days that went well, the start and the end of my week. We had a photo shoot in Plaza Villarosa because Paul and Kevin brought their DSLR cameras with them. I also brought my Nikon coolpix digicam but of course, we used the DSLR cameras more. I finally got my hands on the Nikon D40x! I really want that camera! Before I was so used to the slim and small digital cameras but now, I'm more used to the big and bulky DSLR camera. I wish I had the money. But anyway, back to my Friday. We (Kevin, Camae, Paul and I) left our blockmates and went to SDA Building with a friend from DLSU. While we were on our way up to the 12th floor, I saw Champ of Hale with Bianca King, btw. They went inside the elevator going to the same floor as us. Nagkasabay pa. Haha. I was surprised when I saw Champ 'cause I know he already graduated. I didn't notice Bianca King at first though. This was the real photo shoot. It was really fun and tiring. I never thought taking pictures was really tiring. We shot a lot of pictures since Paul brought his tripod with him. I will post some of the photos here as soon as I get it. We didn't go to our COMSK2x class though. Bad. We didn't even had a chance to study for our Business Math quiz :( But the quiz was okay for me, I guess. BMAT2x was my last class but my day didn't end there. Kevin, CJ and I can't get enough of the photo shoot thingy so we camwhored using the camera's controller. Yana was there too. I also saw Anna, a fellow blogger, and they went to join us. She asked if the camera was mine but then again, it's not. I wish it was. Hehe. After, we (Kevin, CJ and I) decided to shoot a multiple exposure (that's what they call it, I'm not sure) photo in an empty classroom. And after a 12324154 shots, we went home.

My Friday would have gone well but I still consider my week bad. Something's just making me feel bad about it. Probably about what happened in my Tuesday. I was really pissed off, you know. I really really was. Gah. What a lucky way to start off the Chinese New Year. :( I had my hair cut btw, had my side bangs back. My bad week doesn't have to do anything with the hair cut, does it?

:( I hope next week would be fine.

Makinig ka.

TAGALOGLISH POST. Maaaring late para ikwento, pero para 'to sa mga magko-kolehiyo sa darating na school year.

Ang simula ng taon ay nagpapahiwatig na bagong liwanag at bagong buhay para sa karamihan, ngunit para sa mga Senior-slash-graduating students, ito ay kinakatakutan at kakaba-kaba. Ito ang panahon ng paglabas ng mga resulta ng college entrance exams.

Tandang-tanda ko pa ang mga panahong ako ang nasa kalagayan nila. Talaga namang nakakakaba dahil dito nakasalalay ang future mo. Paano na lang kung hindi ako nakapasa sa dream school ko? Sa dream course ko? Paano na lang? Ano na ang gagawin ko? Malamang tinatanong din nila yan sa sarili nila. Dahil ako noong mga panahong iyon, paulit-ulit kong tinatanong yan sa sarili ko at patuloy na ginagambala ang magulong utak ko. Nakakatakot.

Naalala ko nung nakita ko ang Ateneo entrance exam results sa internet, wala dun ang pangalan ko. Nakakalungkot pero tanggap ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Ayos lang kahit hindi sa Ateneo, basta sa UP makapasa ako." One dream school down.

Hinintay ko ang resulta ng UP. Kinakabahan pa rin ako. At ayun, dumating na rin ang pinakahihintay na resulta nang lahat: UPCAT results. Nakakalungkot pero hindi pa rin ako pumasa. Hindi ko inaasahan na pumasa ako dun dahil nung tinake ko yung exam na yun, sobrang sumakit ang ulo ko. Hindi ko kinaya ang Math at Science nila. Disappointed ako, syempre. Another dream school down. Wala na yung dalawa kong dream schools.

Halos gumuho ang mundo ko. Kung ako lang sana yung na-disappoint, ayos lang sakin. Pero.. I also let my parents down. Yun talaga yun eh. Yun yung inaalala ko. Paano na lang kung Ateneo at UP lang ang kinuhanan ko ng exam? Buti na lang sinabi kong mag-take ako ng UST.

Ayan, USTET results na. Natatakot ako baka hindi ako pumasa dahil dun sa talent test. Inaamin ko hindi ko ginalingan dun. Kaya ang kinalabasan, Academic Placement ako. Pero ayos lang, at least pasado. Masaya na ko nun.

Umaasa akong papasa ako ng Benilde. Oo, confident akong papasa ako nun. Pero naiisip ko nun, kung sakaling pumasa man ako, hindi rin naman ako dun mag-aaral. Nalulungkot ako dahil dun ko talaga gusto. Kahit malayo. Akala ko wala akong choice. Akala ko sa UST na ako mag-aaral. Akala ko kukuha na ako ng kursong malayong-malayo sa Arts at hindi ko naman gusto. Akala ko malulunod na ang mundo ko sa mga formulas at solutions ng Math at memorizations ng Science at iba pa. Akala ko..

Pero yun pala, nasa akin lang yung sagot. Matagal kong pinag-isipan kung saan ba talaga, kung saan ako magiging masaya, kung saan ako mag-aaral. Pinag-isipan kong mabuti iyon. I weighed everything down. Lahat ng mga views, bagay, rason, paraan, sinasabi ng ibang tao, sinasabi ko, at sinasabi ng puso ko. Mahalaga sa akin kung anong sasabihin ng mga magulang at kapatid ko kung pinili kong sabihin sa kanila na gusto ko mag-aral sa Benilde. Kaya pinag-isipan ko yung kamahalan ng tuition, layo, at lahat na. Ayoko kasing maging burden sa kanila pagdating sa mga ganung bagay. Hindi kasi nila ako pinagcocommute kaya alam kong hatid-sundo pa rin ako at alam kong magiging mahirap.

I prepared myself to everything that can happen. I was willing to do anything just to study in Benilde.

Ayoko kasi nung mag-aaral lang ako dahil kelangan. Mag-aaral ako dito at ito ang pag-aaralan ko dahil iyon ang gusto ng ibang tao para sa akin. Edi sila na lang dapat nag-aral diba? Hindi ako. Ako kasi yung taong gustong may ma-fulfill, lalo na ang pagiging masaya sa buhay. Gusto ko hanapin kung ano ang rason at purpose ko sa mundo. At gusto ko namuhay ako bilang ako. Ako yung taong maraming pangarap at gusto kong abutin lahat ng iyon. Ako yung taong pinag-iisipan ko ang kinabukasan ko, mahilig akong magplano.

Nagpapasalamat ako na may nagbukas ng mata ko at nagbigay sa akin ng lakas ng loob para gumawa ng final decision. Tinanong ko sakanya, "Does the heart ever go wrong in making decisions?" Sabi niya, depende. At kinwento ko ang buong kwento. Sinabi niya, "Don't make distance a hindrance to your dreams. ...3 or 4 years of driving you to and from school won't hurt them. Tingnan mo ako, ilang beses ako ni-reject ng iba't ibang universities dyan for Economics, pero hindi ako tumigil. Kaya nasa Singapore ako ngayon. Kahit malayo, pero dahil gusto ko, ayos lang. Proud ako sa'yo dahil alam mo kung anong gusto mo. At sana ipaglaban mo yan. I'm 100% at your back on this." Hindi talaga yan yung sinabi niya dahil mas mahaba pa diyan yun, pero yan ang natatandaan kong thought.

Proud din ako sa sarili ko dahil alam ko kung anong gusto ko. Hindi lang kung anong gusto ng mga magulang ko at kung ano ang uso ngayon. Proud ako na naipakita kong kaya kong gumawa ng desisyon para sa sarili ko. Proud ako na naipaglaban ko iyon. Sabi ng kuya ko, "Grabe si Cha 'tol noh, tayo nun basta makapasa at makagraduate okay na. Pero si Cha alam niya talaga gusto niya." Napa-smile lang ako dun.

Mababaw para sa iba na iniyakan ko 'tong bagay na 'to pero mahalaga siya para sa akin.

Iniisip ko kung hindi ko ginawa ito, malamang magiging iba ang buhay ko. Hindi ko makikilala ang mga taong kilala ko ngayon at sobrang nagpapasalamat ako na nakilala ko sila. Sila kasi yung mga taong konting panahon mo pa lang nakakasama pero parang matagal na kayong magkakakilala. Iniisip ko rin kung ganito ako magiging kasaya ngayon kung sa ibang college ako nag-aral. Iniisip ko rin kung nakapasa ako ng UP o Ateneo, ganito rin kaya ang buhay ko? Malamang iba. Ibang-iba.

Kaya masaya ako kung nasaan ako ngayon. Hindi ko talaga pinagsisihan yung ginawa ko at nalaman ko ang sobrang suporta ng family ko sa akin kahit ano pa man ang gusto ko. Akala ko magiging mahirap, pero hindi pala.

Marami akong natutunan sa experience kong 'yan. Grabe noh? Siguro maliit lang na bagay yan sa iba at parang binabalewala lang nila, pero sa akin, sobrang big deal. Iba-iba nga tayo bilang tao. Lahat tayo iba-iba ang mga pananaw at paninindigan.

Kaya sa mga estudyante dyan na ganito ang nararamdaman kagaya sa akin ngayon, alam ko ang nararamdaman niyo. Trust me, I know. And the heart doesn't go wrong in making this kind of decision. Follow what your heart tells you, you won't regret it. I swear. I can attest to that!

It doesn't matter if your choice is wrong or right for as long as you love what you do and happy and content, it is never wrong for believing in your dreams and wanting to achieve it has never been wrong.

--

These are just some of the quotes that inspired me during these times.

Centuries of wisdom never improved on this advice: listen to your heart.

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or or moments that could have been good but weren't or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

To realize one's destiny, is a person's only obligation.

"My heart is afraid that it will suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search for its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

"Wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure."

-The Alchemist

--

I once read that few people follow what their heart says because they are afraid to take the risk and they think that they'd just end up getting hurt. And the heart doesn't like to suffer, so they choose safer risks. But the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. The heart bleeds more when you don't follow what it says. After I read that I asked, "But will they be happy?" I swore I won't be like those people, but I think I might end up to be just like them.

I always believe in listening to what my heart says, I guess I always will. But I will never get to follow what it says. I never got to follow what it said, when I had the chance and the choice in my hands.
-me

That was me back when I was a senior highschool, probably just starting to fill up my college application forms. Found that on my old wallpapers folder.