Silent

Really I do.

I don't know what's up. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what's new.

I feel like there's something going on with you and I want to know and help you. It's just that you don't tell me things. I don't have a clue on what's going on. Your profile is useless, your interactive visibility is rare. Basically I don't have any contact with you even if I do.

What can I do right? You choose not to tell me.

But I just want to let you know that I'm here, no matter how far we are. I'm your friend. Even if that's all we'll ever be. And ever could be.

I don't know how to let you know anymore though. Cos we're silent, once again.

~

[EDIT]

Off with the emotional side. Lol.

You know what's funny?

Me and my friend Kevin/KiBeN, whom I have been friends with since high school and schoolmates with and classmates with up to college [lol], has always been kind of 'linked' since college. Well I think kind of in Senior HS when we got paired up for the Prom Cotillion/Dance. But that was just a passing 'tease', lol. My blockmates always thought he courted me or we were together which was and still is the total LULZ cos he doesn't and we're not. Hahaha. And he was always called 'Harry Potter' cos he looks like Harry. And then I don't know who started it, Cerisse the Penggu or KiBeN the Chicken/Harry/TurtleBack(hahaha), started to associate me with Hermione. I think it was because of my sabog hair then. Lol.

Harry, Hermione... we just lack a Ron to complete the HP trio. HAHA. And I always say to Kevin that he should find his Cho Chang/Ginny already. LOL. And he always reply that they're still on going for audition. LOL.

But just tonight, I realized while this ka-Tropang Gising on Plurk who always pair us up brought the issue again...

It's funny how we often associate ourselves with Harry and Hermione but he doesn't have a ChoChang/Ginny and I don't have a Ron.

Haha. So I'll say what Kiben always says, "Still on audition." Haha. Though I really don't do that cos there aren't really people who apply/audition for that place.

Someday, there will be. :))

Laughter is the best form of medicine. For when we laugh, we neither think, grieve, or feel.
-Eugene Lam

One of the truest quotes, yes?

[end edit]

New new new!

Okay new layout! :D I like it! Hehehe.

I tried using tables on this one since I often see it on other blogs and it looks neat so here it is! :D I was on the mood to do my layout and code yesternight but I needed sleep so I finished it just tonight.

I guess once you do something and you missed it and liked it, you'll be inspired or be in the mood to do it again. Haha. I missed coding and doing web stuff. Yesterday I helped(haha) a friend of a friend of my friend do their website. It's a school project. LOL. I kind of did the HTML and CSS. Kind of, since it's already there, they just wanted me to fix it and put other stuff. It looked easy but hell, it wasn't. My head hurt after and I was so tired and sleepy. But I get paid for it so, it's all good. Haha.

I did their personal web pages as well. I did three. The layout, banner and codes. And it went something like this layout. For a long time I wondered how to do tables cos usually I use DIVs. And then while I was viewing the pages it just came to me, OH SHIT I NOW KNOW HOW TO DO THIS KINDA LAYOUT! MUST TRY AND MAKE NEW ONE FOR BLOG! Hahaha.

So yeah. :D

I'm hungry. I should eat now. And make my NSTP paper after. Teehee. :D

Life's going well right now. Maybe February isn't so bad as I think it is. :D

Btw, thanks to Anna for helping me with the messed up thingy here. LOL.

Learn how to balance everything, otherwise, you have to drop something just to keep everything balanced.

This Too Shall Pass by Helen Steiner Rice

if i can endure for this minute
whatever is happening to me,
no matter how heavy my heart is
or how dark the moment may be-

if i can remain calm and quiet
with all the world crashing about me,
secure in the knowledge God loves me
when everyone else seems to doubt me-

if i can but keep on believing
what i know in my heart to be true,
that darkness will fade with the morning
and that this will pass away, too-

then nothing in life can defeat me
for as long as this knowledge remains
i can suffer whatever is happening
for i know God will break all of the chains

that are binding me tight in the darkness
and trying to fill me with fear-
for there is no night without dawning
and i know that my morning is near.

--

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love.

One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered, “No, I can’t. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, “Vanity, please help me.” “I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat,” Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.” “Oh…Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself”.

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, “Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way.

Love, realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder, “Who helped me?”

“It was Time,” Knowledge answered. “Time?” asked Love. “But why did Time help me?” Knowledge smiled with deep Wisdom and answered, “Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

--

Most people fail at whatever they attempt because of an undecided heart. Should I? Should I not? Go forward? Go back? Success requires the emotional balance of a committed heart. When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape. A committed heart does not wait for conditions to be exactly right. Why? Because conditions are never exactly right. Indecision limits the Almighty and His ability to perform miracles in your life. He has put the vision in you — proceed. To wait, to wonder, to doubt. To be indecisive is to disobey God.
-Andy Andrews

Midtermsss.

I'm up early! :) Need to do school works. Gah midterms. We always have a lot to do at this time. I have one midterms today, Profes1(Professional Ethics). And we have no materials for review except for that one who uploaded their report on our Yahoo!Groups. Great. I don't have much notes either. :|

Yesterday we also had a midterm and we(me and my friends) didn't know it was midterms. So s'all stock knowledge. Haha :)) Great yea? :)) I got a 17/30 though. Not bad for not studying yes? Haha. Damn I really hate Wednesdays. Sux.

AND OUR PROF IN OUR FIRST SUBJECT WAS ABSENT!!! Gah CJ and Camae!!! And Cerisse!!! They were all on it! Hahaha. Just because I was late and did not catch them in the classroom :( What can I do, it was super traffic! Gah. So I went to the cafeteria and there they were! And they said they had midterms and such. THAT I DON'T HAVE GRADE FOR OUR GROUP REPORT AND MIDTERMS! Who would not worry about that??? Ack hahaha. I hate them =)) =)) This group activity we had last week was to make a 15-minute TVC on a topic about "Smoking Kills". But we shouldn't have any smoke paraphernalia, cigarette butts and packs, etc. that literally tells it's about smoking.

Well I kinda knew they were kidding but I wasn't so sure. :)) So when I got to talk to Kevin on Facebook and asked him what happened, AND THERE, he said our prof's absent! Agh =)) =)) That's why I hate being late and still I'm always late. :|

Anyways off to do my print ads due on Friday. Why is it always due on Friday when I have no classes? Then I have to go to school. :/

You you and you, pff.

When you're feeling sad and blue, don't you know that I will always,
Be here for you.
When everything just makes us go out of our minds, just know that I will always,
Have the time for you.

Where were you?

~
I didn't notice that I posted the same quote on my recent post and the post before that. Lol. I just like the quote so much cos it applies to this person I know. =]] The person I was talking about on my last post.

K so scratch the entry I did yesterday. :D I'm gonna delete it and post it on my LJ secret blog. Bahaha. :D I hope no one read it, I think no one did so ts'okay. :D

I cried yesterday. Petty reason. Well no not really, but if I think about it, it's really a petty one. I was so disappointed with myself cos I slept when I was supposed to be doing my project/HW in one subject. I accidentally slept. And I woke up at like 8:30 in the evening and I can't print my project anymore since no print shop's open when I finish my work. So yeah, if you guys saw my Twitter posts yesterday that's the time I was so pissed off with myself.

I cried cos I was getting so good at failing myself. And I don't like it. I was getting too stressed with school and my everyday life.

Worst thing about that? Brother and dad saw me cry.

I tried to draw the advertisement I'm going to render but I couldn't and I just buried my face in my hands and there, tears started to fall down. My brother was asking me why I was crying cos I was in front of the computer beside him. I told him to shut up by hand gesture, lol, cos my dad was just in the same room as us and I'm pretty sure he'll hear us talk. And I really don't want people seeing me cry. He asked it TWICE and I was getting annoyed at him. So for sure, my dad stood up and went to us and asked me why I was crying. GREAT. I didn't answer. I just continued drawing, or at least I was trying to draw something. Betrayal tears just fell down. And when I cry, the whole family just have to know it. So dad knew it, then he went to mom and probably told it to her. And when it was just me and my brother, I annoyingly told him that he should've just kept quiet. :o Then dad called us for dinner but I didn't go since I figured they're just going to ask me why I cried. Eh, I told my brother why already so most likely he's the one who told them why.

I opened my iTunes and tried to listen to this playlist I usually listen to. I thought listening to this certain song would make me feel better but it just made me remember this one person who 'disappeared'[I just thought he did but no, hez back. Lol.] from me and it made me cry more. I couldn't bare it so I just changed the playlist. It's almost like a 'mixtape' for that person. And then came different reasons on why tears just continue to fall down.

So yeah. Boohoo.

Bah, I talk about this person a lot. Adfqjifaijdimajig.

Later.

You are strong, strong as a soldier. Even when winds are tough you'll always keep it together. You are strong, strong as a soldier. I know you'll get through anything. 'Cause you're strong, strong, strong as a soldier.
-Soldier, AJ Rafael

A warrior is a child.

I cried twice this week.

Today was the second time.

I feel like I've cried the whole day. No not really. But it seemed like that.

Most of the time I think I'm strong, or I can do this, I would get through this and that. But right now, I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless. I feel so confused. I am so sad. I've never really felt like this before. There's no hurt at all, I don't feel any pain or any thing in my heart. But I know I'm so drained. Physically, psychologically, and emotionally. It's hard.

I want to put myself back together. I am trying to be strong still. I know I am strong and I can do this and I will get through this. I still am trying to hold my head up and move and fight. I want to.

But sometimes I just want to break down and cry. Just cry. Think. Reflect. Be alone. I don't know. I just don't know.

I hold back my tears all the time because I don't want people, especially my fam, to see me vulnerable; weak.

What makes it all the more harder is that I need someone to talk to badly, or just a hug, or something, but no one's around.

I need Him. So bad.