Unorganized blah. Me-talk.

I often get frustrated already.

I am frustrated with a lot of things: music, drawing, Photoshop, digital arts, writing, studies, and myself. Yes, I am frustrated with things I love and love to do. I know I should use this frustration as a drive to get better and that I should make the people good at the things I mentioned above as an inspiration. My optimistic self says that I can be better, that I can learn how to be better, that I can do what people good at those things can do; but my pessimistic self(I just knew I have this, I never thought I could have this in me, sad) tells me to give up already, and that I can never be good at those things.

I want to do what my optimistic self tells me to do because it's what the Cha I know would do. But on the contrary, my body and mind follows what my pessimistic self says.

I hate it. So much drama. Bakit ba kasi ang drama ko? Hay. O baka masyado lang akong nag-iisip?

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Nowadays, I easily give up. I easily get tired and lazy. I easily get scared of the unknown. I easily get scared of the uncertain. Now that's not so me. It's not the Charlene I know. I'm usually game for challenges, for the future, for everything. Now.. it's different, very.

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I realize my life is becoming a routine.

Everyday, I wake up, take a bath, eat, go to school, sleep in the car for almost 1hour waiting to reach school, sit in class, listen to my profs, talk to my blockmates, hang-out with them, eat lunch, go to class again, try to listen to my profs, talk to my blockmates while the prof is discussing something, wait for dismissal, wait for sundo, go to office, wait there until 6-8pm, sleep while waiting for us to go home, go home, arrive at home, go to room, open computer, go downstairs, eat dinner, computer/internet, set phone alarm, sleep. Then the next day, I do the same thing over again.

I'm scared that the time will come when I will get tired with my life. I hope not. I don't want that. Kaya lang, feeling ko malapit na yun dumating. Ayoko man, pero ganun ang nararamdaman ko. Actually, I'm starting to get tired of my life now. I feel guilty saying that thinking of the number of people out there who's dying to experience a good life just like mine. But it's what I feel. Sad. Maybe I'm just tired. I thought I already got to recharge myself, but it seems like I'm running out of battery again.

Three weeks left until 2nd term ends. 26 days until Christmas. 33 days until 2008.
I can't wait for 2nd term to end. I can't feel that Christmas is approaching. I'm dying for this year to end already.

2007 is a good year for me and for my family. It is. It really is. But I don't get why I can't wait for it to end already.

And for 16 years of my existence, I still don't get myself.

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If you actually know me, you'll say I don't have any worries, that I am a happy and optimistic person because you'll always see me smiling, laughing or making people . Actually, I am. Or maybe, I was. That's the Cha I know. Now? I kind of doubt if I really am Cha.

My head hurts and I am blurred as my eyes.

I blame myself that my computer has 329 threats because I didn't download AVG first.

My post is unorganized and blah. Yes? Oh well, whatever. I can't think straight.

My head hurts.
My head hurts.

Good night. :)

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[edit]
maybe I am just thinking too much. I am so pakeen emotional. The hell. Hmph. I don't understand myselffffffffffffffffffffff since last night. Gahhhhh. What should I do to make myself feel better? Mygally.

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Help save the environment.

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