God puts us into situations.

I'm cold..
I'm too far..
I'm being too far..

Frustration..
Loneliness..

Yesterday, I was me.
The me that everyone knows about..
The me that everyone sees me..

I was happy..
I was having the time of my life..
I was feeling this feeling I never felt..
I was having this damn fun I never experienced..

I was like a die-hard fan watching a concert..
Though I really wasn't, I was like it.
And I liked the feeling.

After, we got home..
I was back to my old fuckin' self..
Summer. Bum.
I wasn't really like this..

This isn't me.

Frustration..
Loneliness..
The feeling of boredom..
The feeling of being damned..

Of Shitness.
Of melancholy..
Of being oblivious to everybody..

I am so unwritten.
I am so unwritten.
I can't feel.
I'm numb.

Summer is so shit.

Frustration..
Loneliness..

Overcomes me.
Like hell.
Scream.
I want to scream.

Shout as loud as I could.
Anger. So much.
Pain. No pain.
I am numb.

Summer bum.
Hate it.

Pillows, like clouds.. A
lways ready to comfort..
Blankets, Always ready to wipe my tears..

Night skies, stars, moon..
Always ready to make my mind off something I worry about..
They're so ready to make me see their beauty..
Life's beauty..

The wall..
Always ready to listen to my damn thoughts, frustrations, anger, pain, shits, loneliness, happiness,
And even have the patience to just look at me,
Reminiscing..

Frustration..
Loneliness..

And then, nothing.

It makes me feel bad.

Maybe after some time, I would be back to my old self. The old me that.. Smiles. Laughs. Jokes. Me, being happy. After summer.. Maybe.

~~~
I sent this to Jesy and Rowelyn. Just needed someone to talk to or someone who will listen. Though they're offline, it just made me feel better. Not so so so better but just better.

Why do bloggers sometimes..want to quit blogging? I don't even remember what's the use of my blog. Of me, blogging. It strains my eyes. And no one even really care about what's happening with my life. Or what have I been up to. Or even how was my day. People rarely come by here this days.

I didn't even get to tell about what happened last night. It was fun. But that was just last night. But do anyone care about what happened at Boyz II Men's concert?

I feel bad. Not just about blogging. In a rate of 100%, the blogging thing may be only.. 10%. I don't even know why or what am I feeling bad from.

I don't even know why am I sad. Lonely. When there's nothing to be sad about. I don't even know what's bothering me. Or maybe is it just boredom? Nah, I don't think so. Oh, yeah maybe. Boredom.. makes you think about things right? Reminisce?

This isn't me you know. This isn't really me. I am a happy person. I am the person who laughs and cracks jokes. I am an optimistic person. But I cannot find that optimistic person in me these days. I was really different.

I rarely laugh and smile these days. I smile or laugh real hard when I read blogs like Saab's. But too bad, she closed down her blog. Or when I chat with my friends. Well I chat with my friends all the time. Of course, when I am online. :p But I rarely laugh real hard or smile. I get cold. I am being too far away from them.

It's not really me.

I am an optimistic person. I get to look at the brighter side of life. I was always the one who get people to think positive. Like before quizzes, exams and stuff. I always tell them, "Pagkatapos nito, wala na. Tapos na paghihirap natin." Or even when I have problems, I get too look at the bright side. I always tell myself, "hold on if you feel like letting go.." or even think that God has His reason why He's putting me into this. He always does have a good reason why He's putting us into situations we don't like. Right?..

I have a lot of lessons learned. You could stuck a lesson in my head again. Or some words of wisdom. During these times, I forget some words of wisdom I have been telling myself a hundred times.

I can't really find that optimistic person in me these days.

Maybe after summer.. Or maybe .. whenever. I don't know.

I have to type this all over again 'cause the frickin' browser loaded "HOME" when I didn't even click something. I did, but I clicked the Internet Explorer icon on the taskbar. And when I clicked "RECOVER POST", nothing happened. IT SUCKS. Dagdag badtrip.

Puffy eyes. I don't even know why would I cry.
~~~

"God puts us into situations we don't like for us to be able to grow.."

~~~

I know, I understand that. But my question is, why am I feeling bad or sad when I don't even know what's bothering me? or there's nothing to be sad about? I should be happy 'cause it's summer right? It's vacation. No classes. No assignments. But I want to go back to school now. Boredom? And why am I feeling this way?

~~~