Finals and Christmas Break

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

-Neil Gaiman


The MMA life.
Source: Weheartit

Finals is just around the corner, so as Christmas break. I can't wait for this term to be over. I still have pending things to do like my COLREND final plate, COMGRAP printfolio and our group project and FREHAND plates. I just want to get it all over with. But it seems like I'm taking it easy. UH-OH. But I can do this. Konti na langggg. Mas nakakapagod sa susunod pang mga terms. I'm just lazy, that's all.

And I just love December. Malamig noh? Sana ganun na lang lagi sa Pinas. Kahit sa araw. :)) Asa lang. :]]

So I just wanted to blog here. Tagal na kasi e. I often post on my Tumblr though. :D I'm here in our school's COMLAB, waiting for my next class. I didn't go to my first class cos I was late. And I haven't finished my painting yet. Just 15 minutes to go for my next class. Or I mean, for my 1st class to end. :p

Laters! =]

Listening to: Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine ♥

Death is easy. Life is harder.

-Bella, Twilight Movie

Testing, :p

Testing using Windows Live Writer. :D

lalallalaa :D lalalaland. lol.

should go to sleep now. pre-enrollment later yay. T_T hope we get the sched we want! like LONG WEEKEND yo! haha :p ive no classes later but will go to school -____- i hope Taft is nearer to me, hassle. oh well.

yuhyuh. dang just realized that finals is coming up really fast. and i just want this term to end soooo bad. I just want it to be Christmas break. i wanna rest. wanna bum. wanna sleep. wanna eat. lol =))

and i wonder what should i wear on my friend's debut on Saturday. Daym yo I'm running out of dresses to wear! I've attended lots of parties this year T_T It's debut year for us. Well, shoot! i'll be turning 18 next year. I wanna be 18 but at the same time i dont want to. :)) weird ahhaha. i want something new in my life. surprise surprise :]]

k that was a lot of rambling haha. byeee. :]]

oh wait. this wasn't how i imagined my next post! haha. it was supposed to be a photo blog and update from Myca's 18th! Haha. Oh well this was typed just for nothing, tested Windows live writer. So yeah. Maybe next post na lang. :]] :p

Ready? Yes.

October 30, 2008 Thursday
Friendster Horoscope

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 21)

The Bottom Line

Your feelings are important to honor, but you cannot let them control your goals.

In Detail

Just because you said goodbye to someone doesn’t mean that they still can’t inspire or affect your future in a positive way. You take them with you wherever you go, and they will always be a part of you. So try to switch from sadness to gratitude that you ever got to know them in the first place! Your feelings are important to honor, but you cannot let them control your goals in life. Use your head today and start moving again, in a new direction.

I perfectly know who that someone is. Suits me well. ;)


Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all
The strength you gave to me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be

-There You'll Be, Faith Hill


;]
--

I love Gossip Girl! <33

I'm way too cool for you, boy.

Yey okay so I'm blogging again. My body hurts, not so much but still it hurts. Haha. Prolly from the practice last Sunday but it's all good. It's fun anyway.

So every Sunday I go to Celebrity for Myca's cotillion practice for her debut on the 25th. And every Sunday I see my HS friends and hang out with them. It's all cooool. Last Sunday, I thought I was late already cos the practice is supposed to be at 2pm. I came 2:30 but when I got there, they weren't there in the usual practice spot yet. I called Nancy and she said she's still at their house. Haha. So when I went back downstairs, I saw Ryan coming from a cab. Then we went to the eating area near the pool and yesss they were there. Myca wasn't there yet though, only the choreographers, the organizer and Eins and Kevin. So they told us to order food while waiting. This is what I like eh, free food everytime. Haha. I ordered spaghettiiii cos I noticed I kept ordering fetuccine carbonarra everytime so for a change naman. :]]

Then the others came already and by maybe 3 or 3:30 we were all complete. I didn't get to practice much with the cotillion group cos we started practicing the hiphop dance already! I wasn't expecting that! Haha. And we were only 6 in the group! I thought we'd be more than that! Gah. 3 guys and 3 girls. I kind of get conscious cos I'm with Myca and Nancy, and they're both great dancers! But meee? ME??? No no no. No wayy. But it was a lot of funnn though. Just like Myca said, "Parang dati lang.." True enough. Hehe. I missed dancing with them. My brother did the mix for our dance so he got paid for it :]] May pera nanaman ang loko, haha. The songs are Shake your pompom, Candyman, Move shake drop, The potion, Superhuman, Bounce and I think they're adding one more song which is Feedback. Yeah, the songs left for steps are superhuman bounce and feedback. Few to gooo! :] I love it! :D I just hated my 3/4 pants that time cos it was loose! Argh. So anyways, I loved the steps for Move, shake, drop most! Haha. Candyman's was so cute. :]]

Click here(tumblr) or here(imeem) to hear the remix ;) Made by my brobroooo. :)

After, we had a break then went to practice cotillion like twice or thrice. Then went back to hiphop to finish some of the choreography. I was kind of losing energy that time so I was kind of not myself and I kept on forgetting the steps. Haha. And thennnn, we went to eat downstairs. We were usually eating in the eating area near the pool but that time, we went inside the restaurant. We had it all by ourselves. Haha. May videoke pa. Ate Mai(Myca's organizer) told us that everyone should sing! BUT NOOOO, YOU CANNOT EVER MAKE ME SING IN PUBLIC. Hahaha! Luckily, my brother fetched me before the mic went to me. It was a lot of fun! Myca's sisters were soooo makulit. But very sweet and cute. Hehe.

I'm looking forward again next Sunday. It's our last practice before Myca's debut so yeah. On the 24th though, we'll practice on Diamond Hotel already for polishing and stuff. Then, we're going to stay there for the night already since the one who will make us up is the same one who will do Myca's I think. I already had my dress fitted last Saturday(which was a super long but fun dayyyy with my brother and his gf) since I can't make it yesterday and come with them. It's not finished yet and there are a few adjustments with the length and the back corset.

And oh, did I tell youuuuu guysss!!! Since it's going to be a 'fashion show' kind of theme, there's a ramp where models you know, strut their stuff. Haha. Last Sunday, I asked Myca who the models will be and she said, "Kayo." I was like, "WHATTTT?!?!" WALANGHIYAAAA!!! =)) Didn't expect that wth! She told me before that those who wants to model will be the ones who will be in the fashion show. And now, it's going to be ussss? Ohcmonnnn. :)) Shy meeeee. :| This is going to be challenging. And I bet, fun? Haha.

So yeah. I just thought of blogging these fun stuff. ;) I'll go nowww I have to be at school earlier than usual later since I have to pass my COMGRAP project 01 hybrids. WOULD YOU BELIEVE I OVERSLEPT YESTERDAY?!?!?!?! I wasn't able to go to my first classss! GAH I HATE IT. I wasn't myself when I woke up and it was already 12:30! Ohdude, srsly! I was panicking! LOL. But fortunately my prof allowed us to submit the hybrids until tomorrow from 8-11am. So I have to be there before 11am!

Byebyeeee.

Diskarte lang.

Don't worry bro, even before I decided to go and push through with this, I know exactly what I'm doing and where I'm going.

We were on our way home, actually we were almost near home when my brother asked me about studies and all. If I'm learning something and such. Of course I said yes, which is the truth. He asked if I will be able to use everything I'm learning when I step into the real world and I said, "probably not all." I've heard that from my eldest brother then that I won't get to use everything I'll learn in school 'cos yeah most of the other things, we do learn by ourselves and like they say, "diskarte lang."

Then he said, "Tinuturuan ka ba nila pano kumita ng pera?" and I said, "Hindi." Diskarte na natin yun after we graduate e, di ba? He said, "Ako, graduate ako ng UP pero ano nakuha ko dun? Wala din. Dba? 6 years ako nag-aral. Kung alam ko lang na dito ako mapupunta sa business na 'to(which is a family business, sound system) edi sana ini-spend ko na lang yung 6 years kong yun para pag-aralan yung mga pinag-aaralan ko pa lang ngayon. If ever, 10 years na sana ako nags-soundsystem/set-up."

And he asked me, "Ikaw ba, kunwari sa December gagraduate ka na, after nun ano balak mong gawin?" And I couldn't answer him yet. He asked, "Di ba less than 2 years, graduate ka na. Sa ilang taon na inaral mo, pag grumaduate ka na pano mo mababayaran yung pinagpaaral sa'yo pag nagkatrabaho ka na?" Again, I couldn't answer 'cause I was thinking of the best way to answer him. He again asked, "After niyan ano bang trabaho ang gagawin mo?" Then finally I said, "Usually kasi pag samin graduate ka, napupunta ka sa mga advertising, or magiging graphic artist or web designer ng isang company." He asked, "Yung mga prof mo ba ganun lang din ginagawa nila? Magkano ang bayad sa ganun?" These are not all the exact words but the essence is there. And he asked a question or two until we finally reached the gate of our house. The conversation ended there.

You see, wanting to study in CSB and take up Multimedia Arts was not just something I decided impulsively or like in a spur of the moment. Just because I wanted it, I immediately told them that 'this is what I want... blah blah'. No. I was so torn because one, CSB is so very far from where I live. Second, the tuition is expensive added to that is the tri-semestral curriculum of the college. Third, my parents won't allow me to commute and so my brothers will be the one who will drive me to and fro school. Fourth, they wanted me in UST because it's nearer. I considered all these and everything else. What they would feel, what I would feel, the risks I'm going to take and of rejection and everything elseeee. I thought through everything before I went and said it to them. I was so emotional during that time. I thought things through because I wanted so badly to take up MMA and if they won't allow me to, I thought of things that would convince them. And if they won't allow me still, then okay. I'll stop. But fortunately, after I said it to my brothers then they said it to mom&dad, they thought things through too. I waited patiently and prayed to God that they'd finally come to their decision and realize that this is what I want and I know what I want.

My brothers and I are very different when it comes to the courses they took up in college. My two brothers took up Business Management and the other one took up BA History. They took it because well, Bus.Mgnt. since we have a family business and History, because my brother was late on enrollment and the course he wanted to take which was Music was I think in quota so he had no choice but to choose those that are non-quota. I, on the other hand, always knew that this was what I always wanted to do. And I see myself doing this, being a multimedia artist. I never pictured myself being in the family business and such. That's why I was so bummed when my dad told me to pick a course in UST, when I was in Academic Placement, that would be in line to our business. I unwillingly chose Commerce, which I got in to, and another was I.T., which I never really got the chance to see if I ever got in. I remember last year when my brother once said while we were eating, "Grabe si Cha 'tol no, tayo basta maka-graduate lang, siya alam niya talaga gusto niya." And I was proud of myself for knowing that I do know what I want to do.

I may not know what I would exactly do after I graduate but I know that it's related to anything multimedia.

Our society would always belittle those courses which is related to the arts department. Let's face it, they always do. And I feel that whenever my relatives or even family friends ask me what my course is and what I would do after. They'd just go, "Ahh." I know Multimedia Arts is new to the country and only few people know about this. But without us(I'm saying multimedia artists included are photographers, filmmakers, graphic artists, webdesigners, animators, illustrators, etc.), what would companies do? Who will advertise their product? How will they? Who would do commercials? Who would do movies? Who would take their photos and capture videos on film? Would there be a Pixar? Would there even be media? No, I don't think so. And they say you won't go anywhere when you're an artist unless you're a celebrity. I know some people belittle art courses, they think it's easy but in fact, it's not. We just love what we do that's why it doesn't look so hard. Well at least, for me. But then again, who cares if you don't get so rich? You love what you do, it makes you happy and it creates satisfaction to you, the end. Some people, though rich are not happy with their lives. What would I rather choose? I'd choose to live the life I'm happy in and the life I always imagined myself to be in. I won't ever choose a life, even a rich life, just because it was unwillingly forced into me.

Sure, I'm not getting a PhD or not a Biology, Chemistry, Law, or Accounting student but I've always wanted to prove to them that this isn't easy as it looks. It's hard to think of a good concept or make a realistic photo manipulation or do plates. I always wanted to prove to them that I can go somewhere and I will be successful someday. That I will be someone someday.

And I believe I can be.

Back?

I don't know, I've never been away. It's just I'm too lazy making a blog post. :))

So as you guys have noticed, I have a new layout! Swing life away ;) I made this when I felt so unfree. Just late last week I think. I thought of how life things were so simple before and now it's just so complicated. It says there...

remember when you thought boys had cooties; when friends were new, dreams were un-shattered and worries few; when recess was too short and life was too long; decisions came easily without need to belong; when storks delivered the babies and passions weren't so strong; friendships were un-broken; right was right, and wrong was wrong; when bad things didn't happen; when only skinned knees brought tears and the night light in it's socket quieted all our fears; when farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part;

the fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.

We all just have to grow.

I don't know if it looks good on your browsers but it does on mine. Oh well, tell me if it's not aligned and I'll just have it back to being on the left side and not centered. ;)

Okay I don't know how to put in words what I'm feeling right now. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to think because I'm already thinking too much. My brain probably can't hold any more, at least that's what I think. So maybe to summarize everything, I think I'm such a mess right now. It doesn't show but a lot of things have been going on in my life. It's like everything just collided and for the first time, I don't know how to handle it. I don't know, it's just me. I don't have anyone to tell things to so everything I think and am feeling is just bottled up inside me. If not for things that make me sane like school, friends, good times and God, I've probably gone crazy.

Or maybe not. I'm just overreacting. :]]]
I just need alone time. To reflect. But people won't leave me alone. I can't go on a day being quiet and sad without people bugging me and asking me what's wrong or if I'm okay. They're not used to seeing me that way because I naturally am a bubbly and cheerful person. So what am I to do? Put on my happy mask and pretend everything's okay. I'm good at that.

Oh wait, no actually things are going kind of well. It's not like a major problem. Again, it's just me. The problem is me. I just have to figure out things or whatever. And.... I've been kind of neglecting my relationship with Him. So I'm trying to get it back and be close to Him again. I always go to church every Sunday but I haven't been too sincere and I forget to pray. :( So yeah.

On other things, well, I actually have a life! Every Sunday, we have our cotillion practice for Myca's debut on the 25th. To top it off, I get to see my HS friends every week which makes it even cooler. I have FREHAND, COLREND, COMGRAP, and HARTDS2. It may be hard but it's fun for me(except for one, haha). I just have to know how to balance my time and priorities. And uh, well, I'm happy, kind of. Not as happy as last week though. Well at least, I'm not a zombie or something. Two weeks before last week I just noticed that I'm kind of off. At least now, I'm back on track. And some things just keep me going.. and happy. But this is something I can say genuinely last week. Oh gosh I'm so complicated, haha.

I now know which things to let go of at the moment though.

I don't want to go back to being empty and.. numb. I don't want to push people away anymore moreso those people who really care about me. But, 2 minutes ago, I just did. Oh well.

Tsk. I won't say anymore. I can't understand what I want to say anymoreeee andddd... I'm complicated. Yeah.

Bye. Later.

It's funny...

..how my heart used to jump at the sound of the MSN new e-mail message and see it coming from MySpace.

..how I run over to MySpace to look at my new comments only to be disappointed that it's not from you.

..how I make it a point to wake up early in the morning 2 hours before lunch time during the summer just to catch you and talk to you.

..how I used to be so paranoid if I should talk or not. Then again, you always talk first.

..how you made me feel a lot of things at the same time that I cannot comprehend.

..how my heart still jumps at the sound of the MSN new e-mail message and see it coming from MySpace, then realizing that it's not from you and will never be from you... at this time of the year.

..how we used to be really good friends and now we grew apart.

..how pathetic that I write all these stuff when I'm supposed to be thinking if I should let go and move on.

..how I always say that I'll let go and move on when in truth, I actually can't. And don't want to.

Srsly, what's there to let go of? A good friendship since forever? Definitely not. The happiness I feel? No, I don't want to feel again the numbness I felt. Then what? ...I'm afraid if I let this feeling go, whatever this feeling is, that I might go back to being sad and unalive. I definitely don't want that.

Then what am I to do? Hold on? It's scary. Holding on to something you are unsure or have no assurance of. It makes me think if what I'm doing is right. Or if this is worth it. Or maybe I'm just holding on because this is what makes me happy for the moment? I tried moving on, for two months I did. I thought it would be better. But no, it didn't do any better. I felt not myself. And then I stopped. Click. Boom. I finally saw the light. I made myself accept the facts that I was trying so hard to deny.

Or maybe I'm just holding on because I'm scared to move on and let the past go? No. I'm not scared. I've been scared moving on but usually I'm successful with it. Letting the past go? Well, maybe I haven't totally let the past go. Because surely, most people would agree with me on this, the old times were so much better. Back when life was simpler and you were young and all you care about are your toys and all that stuff kids appreciate. Don't you miss the old days? We complicate as we grow older. And life becomes complicated as well. I believe I've let go of the past. Let go, not forget. I learned from it, a lot. And I moved on. Or else I won't be here. I won't be where I am today and I definitely won't fight for what I want. I definitely won't want to prove to people how I can stand up again from a hard fall. I definitely won't be this a better person.

So what?

I have so much thoughts left to ponder on.

Life, that's just the way it is. And we have to deal with it.

It's funny, how I still hold on to something I have no hold of.

Thought you should know I tried my best to let go of you But I don't want to.

Well..

I can't exactly think the right words to put in this post. Or rather, I can't think of what to post! LOL. So... well, I've just been reading my secret blog and maybe I'll post tidbits of it on my next post. I'm not really in the mood to write. Though I really want to. Haha. I have a lot to say though. I just need time to figure the right words to say.

Anyways, I just want to share this painting. I really love the meaning behind this.


This piece entitled Wanderer above the Sea of Fog says so much about life. The wanderer is at the top of a mountain looking over and facing other mountains though it's very foggy. It says so much about our goals in life, on reaching it and our struggles before we do. No matter how much we fall down, if we're brave enough to face it and stand up again, we'll get to reach our goals. This represents our triumph over the struggles in life. Hence, the wanderer standing at the top of the mountain.

And you see the wanderer facing the sea of fog, though represents the uncertainties of life and future, he stands there bravely. He doesn't escape the things he's supposed to face no matter how scary the uncertainties of the future are. Really, who doesn't think that uncertainties are scary? Well for me it is scary. It takes a lot of courage to face it.

Whoo HARTDS2! Haha, I learned about this in our class. I can relate, I think most of us do, so I really loved it-- mostly the meaning behind the painting. ;) Did I make sense? Haha, I get so confusing at times when explaining. :)) I hope I did. ;)

Hey, this is really not what I wanted to blog. Just came up to me. Haha. Yeah, later when I have more to say. Now, I'll go read MySpace novels. XD

Term break!

Okay. I dreamt today. It's rare that I actually remember what my dreams are that I think I never dream at all. Today, I had a lot of dreams.

First, my mom and I went out. Probably in a mall, I don't know what mall though. We went inside some kind of store or some place to hang out and I was just sitting there and there were like less than 10 people in there, including us. And they were speaking to each other. Then when the store's about to close, most of them went out already but my mom and I were still there with the store owner. And my mom was talking about me looking younger than 17. And it's weird cos I have full bangs in that dream, LMAO. Then the owner was kind of agreeing to what my mom said. Then my mom told her, "So hindi sila pwede nung lalake kanina? Yung katabi ko na 18-year-old?" I was like, WTF??!?! ROFLMAO!!!! That's not likely to happen in real life. HAHAHA. I actually noticed the guy my mom was talking about. And I thought, "Uy gwapo. Pero.." HAHAHHA. Then I just laughed and said, "ANO?!" Then there were more scenes but it's not that significant. Haha.

Second, I think it's the continuation of that dream. Only that, I was with Cerisse. Apparently, she was there with us too and I don't know why. Haha. We were talking and hanging out and she knows some guy there in the earlier setting of my dream. Apparently, the one beside the guy my mom was talking about. I think, as far as I could remember. Haha.

Third, this was entirely different. I dreamt of a friend. This time, we saw each other already. And they just arrived from the airport and went straight to eat. So it was a surprise that we were both there in the same restaurant. Weird cos his brother and him were with a dog, a shitzu(sp? haha) maybe. And I think they were looking for their table. I saw him roaming around before that but wasn't really sure if it was him. Then we were about to leave, or oh yea, we[the girls] were going to the restroom. Then they were walking near our table and BAM! We noticed each other and we both said together, "UY!" =)) Then the conversation went like this:

Me: Kelan ka pa nandito?
Siya: Kakarating lang namin.
Me: O? Hanggang kelan kayo?
Siya: Sa 30.
Me: September?
Siya: *nods*
Me: Ah.
*silence*

=)) And he was just looking at me and smiling and looking surprised. While I didn't know what to say or do and I got conscious and HAHAHHA, said "Sige una na ko. Alis na kami eh." Then there. LMAO =)) Then I think we got on MSN then asked numbers and said we should hang out and such. GAH. Just when... oh well.

Anyway, it's term break for me now! I'm still going to school on Monday to claim my course cards. I'd probably be there the whole day. My BASICOM prof emailed me and told me, along with Tring and Kevin, that she got our grades adjusted. My final grade was 1.5, I don't know what it is now. *crosses fingers* My HARTDS1(History of Art and Design) and DESPRIN(Principles of Design) grade was both 3.5. *dancing banana* I'm praying for my PHILIEN grade now. :| :| I hope I passss! At least all I'm worrying about now are my grades. No more stress from school work deadlines. But, I still have a lot to do in my term break.

I will update soon. Laterdaysss :D

Term's about to end in 5 days!

She followed my gaze and at the sight of it her silent tears began to flow again. She shook madly and I could tell she was trying to be strong in front of me.
Now more than ever I wanted to embrace her, but I couldn't. If I did, I was afraid I would never let her go.
-Signs of Woe, Chapter 11

My hell month is about to end this week. YEY! For the past few weeks I've mostly been stressing myself over deadlines and whatnots for school. Fortunately, I survived. Even if I lacked sleep, even if I almost gave up. I was awake for 36 hours last Thursday. BOOM. I didn't even feel sleepy the whole day, not until we waited for our HARTDS1(History of Art and Design) professor for course cards distribution.

Speaking of, I was really really scared for that subject 'cause our prof usually scares us about how half of his classes fail and all that. Well, I had one assignment I wasn't able to pass. And it's the one and only assignment he gave for the whole term. But.. I got a 3.5! *dancing banana* I didn't expect that. At all. And I'm just so grateful and thankful to God for everything! I always prayed to Him to give me strength to go on and to guide me and let me see the light. Yeah, I was that close to giving up. I could just slack off anytime I want to, that would make my life easier. But no, slacking means failing. I wouldn't want that.

So I'm done with most of my school works. There are only 2 left to do which is DESPRIN(Principles of Design) and BASICOM(Basic Computer). Actually, I'm supposed to be doing my DESPRIN finals right now. But I'm kind of taking my time. After posting this, I probably will go start doing my 'self-portrait'. I hope I won't mess it up :o

You might probably wonder what that Signs of Woe is, yeah? Well maybe not but just thought of sharing what it is. It's a novel, posted online, on MySpace. It's Twilight-inspired, so it's kind of close to the vampire thingy. ;) I'm still waiting for the chapter 12 to come up so I'm reading other online novels. I love to read and read a lot during my free time. On term break, I probably will watch a lot of DVDs and catch up with television and stuff. Term break's just one week although it won't be enough rest for me, at least there's time to rest than none at all, yes?

I'd better cut this off now, I can't think of anything to say already. I made a Tumblr account btw. And that's what made me post here in my real blog. Ginanahan, haha. ;p

Napanaginipan kong bumalik ka na, parang totoo. Ginigising ako ng tatay ko para kumain. Pero parang ayoko nang magising.
Mali ito.

I wanna be superhuman.

So I have downloaded the latest version of Firefox and along with it, downloaded lots of add-ons and themes compatible with the new version. This is why I actually love Firefox, for its add-ons. It makes life so much easier for me. Ha ha. I can have everything I have online like IMs, emails, social networking sites, etc., in just this browser. I have Foxclocks too so I know what time it is where ever in the world. Cool yeah? :D It's just boo though cos the Multiply and MySpace toolbar won't work for the latest version. I hope they update soon. I have the Facebook Toolbar though, at least. Then I won't be lazy opening my Facebook account now. I also downloaded the Gmail notifier, Yoono, CTRL-Tab, Save Session, and others I can't remember anymore. :]] I'm loving my themes. Right now, my browser is color light green. Ha ha. :]]

Anyways. School has been taking much of my time lately, as it always does actually. I actually don't like this term very much cos this term had me really scared like crazy. Every single freakin' day I think I'm going to have a heart attack just thinking or imagining of what will happen during the day. It's actually mostly because of ORALCOM. It really catches me off guard. I hate not being able to prepare myself beforehand with things that's out of my comfort zone. It's okay going out of that comfort zone if and only if I am prepared. If not, well, my heart has probably--if it can-- ripped out of my chest already. Yeah.

Aside from all those scary things(for me at least), life's been going well. Since my family, friends and I went to MOA(that place on the bayside, forgot the name) to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I don't know, it just had me come back to my rightful place. It made me happier and brighter, at least. And that's good yeah? :D

So these days has been the most scariest rides of my life. For one, well I really don't know. Mmm.. next is because finals is nearing and that means dozens of projects all piled up for deadlines. I think I have mentioned that on my previous post. It just keeps getting worse everyday the deadline comes close. Ohwell. I just want this term to end. Until that day comes, I'm just going to have to hold my breath and continue living this shit. I'm not the one who easily gives up but I actually thought of already giving up things like school responsibilities, like I don't wanna do them anymore. Good thing I still have this positive side in me which actually saved me from giving in to being physically and emotionally weak. I could have had an emotional breakdown! But some things just keep me going and strong. I have to.

As you can see, this blog has been my medium for putting my repressed emotions. So my blog posts will kind of contain these rants until the term ends. You'll have to bear with me on that. ;)

I've finished reading Breaking Dawn as well, last Sunday. It's been hard reading it with me left hanging on what will happen next 'cause I have to do my more prioritized things to-do. But yeah, I loved it. Not as much as I loved Twilight and the other books in the series though. But it's all good. I am happy and satisfied with how it ended. Some people didn't like it and yeah probably because of the too perfect ending. I think it would have been much better if there was a fight. I was really hoping there would be a fight but I was left disappointed. But oh wells, it's okay, I'm a sucker for happy endings anyway. ;) I'm re-reading Twilight again on my free time. My brother's reading it as well but he's so slow. Ha ha. :]]

Went to SM Fairview today to buy a dress for my HS classmate's debut on Saturday. I thought I'm going to have a facial treatment but they won't allow it since I guess they don't think the scars from all that pricking will wear off on Saturday so I just had a cleaning instead. I loveeedd it! Lmao, I love every thing that causes me to relax these days. It feels good having that kind of pampering amidst all the stress. It's been hard a gold or silver dress cos that's what it says on the invitation! Come in gold or silver. Wth. Ha ha :]]

I think this one's pretty long now. ARGH. I'm not planning to write a post at all today! :]] Have to go. Kbye :)

You know what sucks?

K so I haven't really posted a real update for the past uh, weeks. I wasn't planning to blog tonight but I just have to rant this thing I have been thinking of since last week. It just got into me though it often happens to us for the longest time.

So before that, I'm going to excuse myself for not being able to blog. Although this won't really be a valid one since my schoolmates have been able to update theirs no matter how busy it is in school these days. It's not THAT busy though, I just like to be 'busy'. :)) But forealz, it's August now and all the workload has been dumped into us by our professors, and they're not even our design/major profs! Okay, maybe I'm just lazy. And whenever I thought of updating, I'm not able to do it since I'm being distracted by either Plurk or the Twilight updates. Soyeah.

I'm gonna talk about my life these days. Seriously I've never felt this scared. Like everyday, you're scared of something, like something is going to happen terrible. Almost every single freakin' day, I'm scared that I almost would not want to live the day but I have to. There's this voice inside me that says I have to get through the day, that I should. It's not suicidal okay? :)) It's just like I want to escape the everyday stresses and fears I'm experiencing. One reason for that is ORALCOM. I hate public speaking. I obviously am not confident with myself. I know it's those kind of things I have to improve but fear just gets in the way. Main reason why I have these quotes written on my Starbucks Planner, "Don't ever let fear hold you back." and "Why worry if you can pray?", so I won't get so scared and worry so much anymore. I wasn't having this problem back in high school, maybe a little bit, but not this kind of fear. Back in high school, we were trained to speak in front a lot during our Speech Laboratory classes and we were so used to it that it helped me gain my confidence. Back in senior year, I had to speak in front of the whole school body and deliver my speech during our Student Council Miting De Avance and didn't have any problem with that. I feel like my self-confidence has decreased to a depressing level. And I don't like that, it makes me feel frustrated about myself.

Second is that... well, *can't think of any other reason*, OHYEAH, P.E.! :)) Just because I don't know anyone there. Though I'm getting better with talking to people in that class and I now have people to play table tennis with. So I'm kind of okay with that now. *insert dancing banana here*

K next. It's August now.. which means, last month of the term; finals; more plates; projects; more projects; and of course, BREAKING DAWN RELEASE! So that last one makes my August bearable. *dancing banana* I told you above that our prof dumped us bunch of workloads, specifically our PHILIEN(Philippine Literature in English) professor. We have to make a scrapbook consisting of the things we treasure most and a comics interpreting Bringing the Dolls, and it's all due on Tuesday! We also need to create a magazine about ourselves(I think) for the finals. Talk about expenses. I'm broke, you know. I just spent my savings on buying a new optical mouse and a 1GB DDR2 RAM for my PC. I don't regret buying it though, why of course why would I? It made my computer perform faster! *dancing banana again* And I wouldn't have to lag so much when AVG scans my computer, just like what it's doing now, and I'm not lagging unlike before *annoyed emoticon from plurk*. Also, I wouldn't have to deal with my old mouse. You know the mouse with the ball? LMAO.

Add to the school works are my DESPRIN plates, HARTDS1 Finals exhibit(on which I have to make a product that's wearable or we can use and it should be inspired by an art era like the Egyptian or Christian art, etc. Any ideas? :D), ORALCOM speeches(oh no for impromptu speeches!), and uhm, yeah I think that's it. Ohyeah, BASICOM! BASICOM company website and our defense! Mannn. With all that, I think I have to go now to finish my plate but I haven't gotten to the main point of this post yet.

I've posted this on Plurk. I hate being compared. I hate being misunderstood. I hate being underestimated. I know it's one way of driving someone to do better. You know, I'm really trying hard to do better and I think I'm successful in doing so. This is most likely to be such a teenage angst but I don't think they appreciate it all. Well maybe they do, but I don't feel it. It's when I do things that aren't acceptable that they notice. It's not that I do much of that but it's mostly the mistakes, you know? It sucks. Especially being underestimated, like I can't do this and I don't know this when in fact I actually do. It makes me feel so less of myself. Like they make me feel I'm stupid. I know I have to wake up early and mostly my fault why I'm always late, yes okay, but I'm so sleep deprived that I'm not able to do so. I often stay up late cos I'm doing something school-related. I'm often in front of the computer cos that's what my course requires. I know they're just concerned about me. But I think they have to understand my side too. Which I cannot make them understand cos I can't say anything to them. I don't want to argue with them anymore so I just keep my mouth shut.

Sucks that way. You know, I really have the drive to prove to them that I will be someone someday. I just need them to believe in me. And I don't feel that they do. *tears*

WordCamp Philippines 2008

I saw Anna's Plurk about WordCamp and clicked on the link since I was intrigued 'cause it said that it is going to be held at my school. I'm not really a WordPress user but I'm registered there. My WP blog contains mostly of what my Blogger has since I had it cross-posted. :]] But wait, I know most of my visitors are using Blogger. Don't fret though 'cause the event is open for non-WordPress users and non-Bloggers as well for it is about encouraging more people to use WordPress. Cool, yeah?

So when I was there on their site, I found out that this WordCamp is the first in Southeast Asia! And it's going to be held in the Philippines! How cool is that? This event is organized by the Mindanao Bloggers, the group who successfully organized the 1st Mindanao Bloggers Summit in Davao City. And indeed it is going to be held at De La Salle- College of Saint Benilde at Augusto- Rosario Gonzales Theater on September 6, 2008. And that event falls during our term break! Yay! I didn't need much persuasion from people to go 'cause I already made up my mind that I will go. Haha! So I registered without hesitation.


I surfed more around their site and found out that these are the topics they consider to be discussed:

• Blogging 102 - Basics & Beyond
• Other Ways to Use WordPress
• Video and Mobile Blogging
• Cascading Style Sheets
• Blog Monetization
• Migrating to WordPress
• Organizing / Optimizing Your WordPress Blog
• Advanced WordPress Management
• Developing WP Plugins / Best Practices in PHP Coding
• Designing WP Themes
• WordPress & SEO
• WordPress E-commerce Site
• Configuring & Deploying WordPress MU
• Developing WP Aggregator Sites
• WordPress Security / Anti-Hacking Techniques
• WP Development Ethics
• Microformats

I found out that most of my blogger schoolmates are going to attend too so it will make the event more fun and exciting! They are fellow Multimedia Arts students and sooner or later we will need to learn about those topics mentioned above. So might as well have an overview of it and learn about it earlier, right? :D I want to learn more about WordPress too 'cause I'm thinking of getting hosted(hi, Anna! haha) and I'm 100% sure that I will use WordPress as my blogging tool.

I think this will be my first time to attend a blogger's event 'cause I don't really attend those, I'm too shy to. :]] So, hopefully see you guys there! It could also be a blogger's meet, yeah? That would be fun! :]

And OH! I just read on their site Matt Mullenweg is coming, the developer of WordPress! How coolER is that?!

SPONSORS (events wouldn't be possible without these)

• i.PH: the Domain for Individuals
• Free Online Flash Games
• Wazzup Manila Philippines
• Real Estate CRM
• Real Estate Website Designers
• Orange County Real Estate
• Auto Insurance Quotes
• Lane Systems Inc.
• RedMedia
• Orange County Business Lawyer
• Cebu Pacific Air
• Buddy Gancenia Reality TV
• SmartBro Wireless Broadband
• SPOT.ph
• Make Money with Performancing Ads

See ya, guys! :)

On fire.

You were everything, everything that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it.

On Thursday, I was super drained and slept the moment I got home. Friday, I still was kind of drained and I still slept the moment I got home. Saturday, kind of refreshed but still slept the moment I got home. Lmao! :)) I just realized how much I slept for the last 3 days. And how much I crammed.

DUDE I swear I hate cramming! I will never ever ever ever cram a project like that! WTF, I hate how our minds can work during the last minute! We could have done that a week before Thursday but we didn't cos we can't think of anything to put in the Project Brief. :]]]] I hated how my mind was all like squeezed until it wasn't squeezable anymore. =))) I really hope our prof will allow us to revise that! Man. And we still have to think of a concept of how we're going to do the product commercial. Dang, my groupmates and I weren't able to meet awhile ago since one wasn't allowed to go. T_T And we weren't able to do our dubbing project yet which is due on Monday! WTF. I swear, I don't like the feeling of cramming anymore. T_T

Anyway, I woke up early around 5am to go with mom and dad to the airport. We fetched my aunt in the bus terminal and dropped her off the airport. Her flight's at 10am but we were there like 7am. So we ate first and caught up with things. We just rode the taxi going there cos my brother wasn't able to come home last night =))))) And you know what I hate? Everything is too expensive. Especially the gas, man! WTF, 60/liter? You gotta be kidding meee. That could go on like 80/liter! WTH, there'll be no cars in the streets when that time comes! Wag na tayong pumasok! Lmao. But on the brighter side, that would mean less traffic. We went through EDSA and there was no traffic at all! Super less cars! But nevertheless, transportation is a necessity. I mean, you can't walk to the place you need to go to here! Can I walk from Fairview to Taft? No way. That would take 48 years. You can ride a bike or skateboard but not everyone can. And still, it's far.

My dad was interviewing the taxi drivers we had so that was like 3 of them. And all of them were complaining about the gas. Then there would be times when they don't earn enough profit. Gas na nga lang, lugi na talaga sila. That's why there are a lot of taxi drivers forced to choose passengers depending on where they're going to. So it was kind of hard for us to find a taxi from Taft going to Fairview. I was going to suggest to just ride the LRT-MRT then go to Fairview from North Ave. or Quezon Ave. station. But we were lucky enough to find a taxi. Too bad, I thought it would be my mom and dad's first time to ride the LRT-MRT. =))

AND OH. Last Wednesday, I got to ride the LRT-MRT all by myself! WHOO! Hahaha! From Vito Cruz to Edsa Taft, Edsa Taft to North Avenue. My mom did know I rode the LRT-MRT, only that she didn't know that I was alone. She knew I was with a friend. :)) My brother was in on it though. He asked me if I can, then I said yeah. It was about time to try it. Then he'll just fetch me at TriNoMa. I was lucky enough to have found a seat in the MRT and so I was sitting all through out my ride. And there was not much people in the LRT so yeah. :] While I was at TriNoMa, I grabbed the chance to go to Powerbooks and have myself reserve a copy of Breaking Dawn which will be out on August 4. Shoot, I seriously can't wait anymore! And Stephenie Meyer said on her MySpace blog that she'll put up a 'Quote of the Day' down to the day of the release of the book! She doesn't know where it will be put up yet though. But it'll be announced. Ohyay!

Hmm, what else. Oh there, my brother just got home from Ortigas. He went to Enchanted Kingdom cos he jammed to the Streets band who often is Amber's band. Last night, he went to Amber's condo to rehearse songs with the band. And he asked me a favor to download like 15 songs so he can review it. It was like 6 months since he last really played the guitar on stage as a band. :]]]] Sure they were asked to jam to bands whenever we go out but that's just like one song that they already know. Dang, I sure miss them playing. :[ One night we were at Blue Wave and we were all there with my mom and dad, they were talking about putting the band up together again. For even just one day, Saturday or Friday, they can have a gig just for the sake of the old times. I mean, I know they miss it. And they're still so young and very talented! If they stop at once, it'll all be waste. I mean, not really but it's sayang. Everyone they know at this point, they met through their gigs. And those people are like family now. Their girlfriends, wives, best of friends, everyone they met along their way while playing. It's been a very big part in our lives. I've watched them play all my life. I witnessed how much they love playing music. I still feel sad whenever I think of everything that has happened then. But I think it's cool that we handed it all pretty well, at least. I think it made us a lot stronger too and that's a good thing. I think it was a challenge and it made me sad that they gave up at once.

And on that night in Blue Wave, was the first time I drank in front of my mom and dad. Seriously it was so freakin' awkward! :)) Dude I've drank Vodka/Vodka Ice for like I don't know, but many times now. And I've never been drunk in my whole life. Then they ordered me a Margarita. LMAO. My mom tasted it, dang. And said to me that I shouldn't drink it anymore cos I might get drunk. Cos they said it's a 'juice' drink. HAHAHA. I couldn't drink the way I could whenever my parents are not around. But it's not like I drink with my friends, I drink with my family! I often go out with my brothers, cousins, their wives and girlfriends! And I thought that even if I get drunk, it'll be fine cos I'm with my parents. Right? I have a point there right? Haha! Rather than I'm with strangers. I don't get why my mom still treats me like I'm 13 or younger than I am. I'll be turning 18 next year, man! She doesn't want to let go of me just yet. It's not that I don't like how she looks out for me, it's just that sometimes she tend to overact much. She doesn't even want me to commute, what the hell. I know she's thinking of my safety but I'm also thinking of practicality. I mean, I should experience those kind of things. Sometimes it sucks being all locked up in your world all your life. I should learn how to handle things on my own. I don't want to be overly dependent to my parents. I'm really not, but I don't want to come to the point that I am overly dependent on them.

My brother talked to my dad about these things and he understands. My dad is very open to things and he understands. He also wants us to learn and experience things. And I want to, too. Cos I sometimes feel like they make me feel like I'm not responsible enough. My brother understands me on this one, he said he knows how it feels. And it sucks.

Oh well, enough with the rants. I haven't been blogging for quite a while and I kind of miss it. I wasn't even able to do my blog rounds these days. And look at my blog layout, it's all messed up. :)) I'm lazy coding my layouts. And I've been quite addicted to Plurking! :]]]

So yeah, that would be all for now. :)

Open up your eyes and see like me.

Helloooooooo.

I just wanted to blog before I really really start on the things I need to do AKA school work. :))

So, as you can see on the right side of my blog, I've added a playlist. I just signed up for an account on Last.fm. :] I just wanted to put music here, or in any of my pages. I've got a lot of them. Facebook, Multiply, Myspace, Friendster, ADLSU, and all that. I've got Twitter and Plurk. :)) And oh, Plurkkkk is addicting. I think. :)) I've got Jason Mraz, Marie Digby, Faber Drive, Coldplay, Boys like Girls, Sara Bareilles, and Taylor Swift on my playlist. :] ♥ I know it's a lot but... I love the songs! :))

Last night, I've been surfing the net for... uh, everything about Twilight. :)) Addict much? Yes yes. I know. I'm Twilight obsessed, and proud of it. :)) I've watched videos, stole icons and avatars(lol), wallpapers and all that. I've made my own avatars as well. I know I should have been doing my school works but I wasn't. So, I was stupid about not using my free time well. It was a long weekend(4 days of no school), and I haven't done a single thing for school. I know, my fault. But anyway, after all these, I'm going to do school works.



So yeah. :] I hafta go. I should be doing what I need to do! Kk. Byyyyyyyeeeee.

Edward&Bella.

IF BELLA&EDWARD WON'T BE TOGETHER...........

UGH. I HATE.

So I'm in Team Edward, then.

O.C.D(Obsessive Cullen Disorder)!!! :)) In Eclipse, I just realized how so very understanding and patient Edward really is. Even more than Bella deserves. I was like, WOW. Speechless. Wtf can you ever find someone as that as Edward in this world? Too bad, Edward isn't real. :))

I hate that Bella asked Jacob to kiss her. BAH. I HATED BELLA FOR THAT. Stupeeeed. Shet. Shet. Now I get what my brother's girlfriend said about after reading Eclipse, I'll have doubts. Yeah, it wasn't the same anymore between Edward&Bella.

Jacob isn't that bad though. But maybe if I were Bella, I can't see Jacob as more than a friend. That sucks but that's the way it is. Edward is more boyfriend material. :)) I can't blame her though cos Edward left her once-- her darkest times-- and Jacob was there to be her personal sun. Of course, if I were in Bella's place too, I'd probably fall for Jacob too. But then again... it's foolish to tell someone you love him when you know you love another someone more. It's not fair. And it sucks to choose between two people you want to have but of course, of courseeeee, you really have to choose. I honestly believe you cannot possibly love two people at once. I mean, you cannot possibly be in love with two people at the same time. It's... it will be heartbreaking. Again, it won't be fair. The people involved will just get hurt in the process. Ugh.

But anyway still, AT LEAST BELLA CHOSE WISELY. Or that's what I'd like to think, cos choosing Edward is wiser and better. :))))))) She made a right decision I guess, considering who she can't really live without. Bella cannot live without Edward. Bella cannot bear to be without Edward. Edward makes her happy. Even if Jacob is her personal sun, even if she loves Jacob, it's not enough.. it's never enough to make her choose Jacob and leave Edward. She was miserable and in pain after she talked to Jacob about things. But she knows a pain more painful than that --- the pain she felt when Edward left her.

And so.. SHE CHOSE EDWARDDDD.

Is this happily ever after now? Well...

Imma have to wait for Breaking Dawn. Demmittttt, I hope their wedding will push through! BAH. And I wanna see Bella as a vampire. :)) But I dunno, I have a feeling they will still need to overcome some things -- danger and all the unexpected circumstances that may happen. So I still ahve doubts about their wedding and Bella being a vampire. I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT!

Bah August 4! The book release here is on August 4. So while waiting.... I'm just gonna re-read the books over and over and over. :))

Addicted much?
Oh yes.

I like Twilight best. New Moon was heartbreaking. Eclipse was... better than New Moon. I can't find a way to describe it though.
And I swear I cried while reading New Moon :)) That's how heartbreaking it is. Oh well.

It[Twilight] is exactly my brand of heroin.
I'm such a sucker for happy ever afters. :))

--

Been here for the longggesttt time. Lol. I'm lazy updating my blog blogggg. I mostly update in my MySpace blog cos noone ever reads it. I don't even blog in my Multiply much.

Anyway, nothing much interesting has happened to me for the past weeks. Except for.. reading Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. Surely, Forks became my world during those times. Even after I put down the book, all I think about is Edward&Bella, and their story and the scenes. Haha. I know I'm late with all the hype but BS, who cares?! If you're a Twilighter, well, I'm a Twilighter too. That doesn't make us much different from each other, right? :p :))

Uhm. I don't have much to say. If I continue typing, I'd probably blab more about Twilight. Twilight. and more Twilight. Anyway, I can't wait for Breaking Dawn and the movie. BAH, why why why January 9? That's BS. Anyways, while waiting, I'm just going to keep myself busy by reading the books over and over again. And browse the internet about Twilight-related stuffs. Like this..



So. That would be all.

AND OH,

CALL ME BELLA.

=)) Haha!
It's not much far from my name. Charlene Belle. BELLA. See? Uhuh. :))

Ain't that bad, yo.

One week has passed! Dohhhh. So, I should've posted a blog last Saturday or Sunday but I got lazy. Yessss I'm a super lazy me. LOL. Huwat?! =))

So, last Tuesday was my birthday. But it felt like my birthday was the whole week. Friends kept greeting me a happy birthday everytime I go to school. =)) Lmao! That was fun. But the birthday itself wasn't much of a good day. Probably because nothing much has happened during the day. We(Neela, CJ and I) just went to MOA to kill time since we have a 3-hour break. And then DESPRIN(Principles of Design) changed the so-so mood of the day cos I was so excited for Cerisse! =)) HAHAHA. Shaks ah, nabanggit pa you here sa blog ko! LMAO! =)) Then our planned TriNoMa birthday celebration didn't push through since the people my parents invited couldn't come so we ate at Seaside instead. Good foodddd. I love good food! But the mood of the day continued. I can just say I wasn't ultimately happy. I thought my 17th was the suckiest day ever. LOL. Well not really, it's just that it's not a really good day I guess. Idk. :)) But I appreciate everything everyone had done to make it the happiest day possible though.

So ya, my Saturday celebration somehow paid for it anyway. Cossss, I SAW MY HIGH SCHOOL SUPERFRIENDS once again! Ohgosh, how I loved it. Haha, srsly! Though not everyone could come, it was nice cos I get to hang-out with them a bit, talk and catch up. Damn I missed them so! I wish I could like go out with them at least once a week! Haha but things need plans so.. sometimes it can't be possible. And I really appreciate those people who just dropped by to greet me a happy birthday. Or para lang mapaunlakan yung invitation ko sa kanila. Oh wow, that's... deep! Haha. So yeah, cos that was a Saturday and my invitation was such a short notice but they went anyway even if they have plans that night. Meant a lot, really. :] But I really hope we'd get together some time. Like, all of us! I really really wish to have a high school batch reunion before the year ends! IT'S A MUST EVERY YEAR! :)) At least for me. :] And.. only three of my college friends went cos most of them are from the south so they couldn't come. Laughtrip lang si Kevin Chua at Pem cos they really went! HAHA. Though they're north people, Fairview is still far y'know. :)) AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THE FOOD. =)) Nyahaha! It was fun though.

On to a new topic. Last Thursday after my 8pm class, my parents and brother(2nd) went to fetch me. Just that time they told me that we're going to a family friend's wake. That family friend was my Kuya Raymond's(3rd) high school batchmate/bandmate and maybe best friend and an ex-bandmate(Pure Instinct). LOL. Labo na! [FLASHBACK] Back then, I was still in grade school, the families of every person included in their band went to our house just because and also to check how the band's doing and all. And so our family became friends with my brother's friend's family. Lol, is that right? =)) To the point that we even celebrated our Pre-New Year all together. That was fun! I can still remember that time, way back 2000 I think or 2001 before our family went to Cebu to spend the New Year. :)) [/END FLASHBACK] It was his dad's wake. And his dad passed away on my birthday! :o So I figured that was why my parents and my brother was so dressed up like they're going somewhere after. So yeah, meron nga! Haha. We went to Sanctuarium and I was so hungry since I didn't eat before my class! BOO-HOO. Luckily there's a mini-store inside and I ate siopao just to somehow ease my hungriness. Lol. Then we went up and I saw my brother's high school friends, my brother of course and his girl friend. One of my bro's HS friends was like, "O Cha! Ang laki niyo na ah! *points to other people with the same age as me or older*" And I realized that one person he pointed at was our family friend's brother. And it came to me.. "Oh no. Shocks. Makikita ko siya!" HAHAHA. So this is another story.

So, my brother's bestfriend has two younger brothers. The one I saw was his second younger brother. Since my brother's HS bandmates' family often come to our house then, we somehow get to know them a little. And my kuya's bestfriend(he was the vocalist of their HS band) has this brother(his third younger brother), a year older than me. Back in grade 4, I had a crush on him. LMAO! And he knew! Their AM class knew! Cos in our school, for grade school there were only two sections: AM and PM. So I was grade 4 and he was grade 5. GAH. :)) I didn't know HOW they knew! And my brother's HS friends as well as my brother knew. And they kept on pairing us then. Tuksuhan and all. Nakakahiya yun noh! Haha! I can still remember, omay! Haha. It was funny cos we never talked. Maybe once or twice when there were circumstances that were unavoidable like when my mom told me to show him where the telephone was or when he went to the house to drop by food or something, my mom usually told me to get it. LMAO. And that's not even called a real talk! :)) So I guess we were really shy =)) Or ako lang! Haha. Laughtrip! :)) And oohhhh! [FLASHBACK]I can still remember, before our school held an event where chosen students will perform and he was one of those students. My friends were there too! They were gon' dance! Then my friends were telling me that he was really good. Or at least that's what I can remember. Haha! Then on the day of the performance, he was like all over the place! LMAO. I was like, "wth?!" I was looking at him cos he was my friend's partner! Eh ayun, di ko na lang tinitingnan. Na-shy? Haha! Jokes amp na-peeling naman ako nun =)) Feel ko na-conscious eh. Haha! I told to my friend, "Bat ganon partner mo? Parang hindi alam steps." She said, "Ewan ko, nung practice naman okay siya e." [/END FLASHBACK] :)) I remember the last time I saw him was back in 2nd year HS. [FLASHBACK]They went to my brother's gig at Ratsky and he and his mom were there because at that time, Kuya X(his bro) was already part of my bro's band. We were on the same table! And I can't even look at him. My mom and his mom were just talking. Nakakatawa, swear! Then when we arrived home, my mom told me.. "Bakit di kayo nag-uusap nung kapatid ni *insert my bro's bestfriend name here*?" I said, "Ha? Ewan ko, di kami close e. Haha!" Pero I think at that time, I was thinking, "yak nakakahiya noh!" Haha! Then my mom said, "Natatawa kanina mommy niya sainyong dalawa. Nagkakahiyaan pa daw kayo. Sabi niya sakin, may gusto daw kasi yun dati sa'yo." NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! =)) Natawa na lang ako. [/END FLASHBACK]

Too many flashbacks, eh? Haha. So yeah, I'm right. The moment I entered the room, he was the first one I saw. =)))))) NYAHAHHAHA! I was like, "=o" HAHA! Homaygallywow. But of course I didn't let my reaction show! Haha. Then when my brother(3rd) told the story of how Kuya X's dad died and all, he mentioned about the brothers and he saw me kind of smiled a bit. It's not even called a smile! Haha. Well I reacted a bit and he saw that, and he reacted and smiled at me. Then started teasing me and told my mom and dad about me having a crush on Kuya X's brother before. Haha! And he started telling it to our family friends, those who weren't there in our lives yet during that time. Haha. Then he told me, "Alam ko na birthday gift ko sa'yo Cha! Papakilala kita!" LMAO! And he told it to Kuya X, his bestfriend! Kinilig naman! AMPOPO. But I know they were just tripping.. a bit! Cos with them, sometimes they can really get serious with tripping. Lol. Pero sobrang laughtrip yung itsura nilang dalawa na nagbubulungan and all =)) Lalo na yung itsura nila nung 'kinikilig' sila.I couldn't do anything about it! All I can say is, "Ugh nakakainis ka kuya!" =)) But yeah, it didn't happen. =)) Thhankkkkk God! My face would've looked funny if that happens. :)) Cos I prolly wouldn't know how to react. :)) I saw my former high schoolmate and now college schoolmate at the wake. Shocked ako. :)) I guess they're friends cos they're on the same village. Anyway, the day after my brother told me that Kuya X's brother got shy too. =)) LMAO. And oh, in case you're wondering how he looks now... :"> HAHAHA. Isang napakalaking SHET at OMG lang ang masasabi ko. :"> =))) Getitttt? Haha!

THIS IS A SO LONG POST. T_T Bah. This is what happens when I don't blog for a week. Lol.

Anyway, DESPRIN wasn't that bad. We had our first plate and it was kinda fun. Though I couldn't think of what to draw instantly, it was very challenging. LOL. I didn't get to finish my plate though. I just had it signed by my prof so em gonna pass them next week.

I just figured, the past keep coming to my present. And so my past becomes part of my present and I don't even ask for it. :))

Gah I'm laazy now. Bye.

So. This isn't a good title.

So... LMAO. I'm lazy. :)) But I wanna blog just to keep this blog updated about things. I want to have something to look back to later :] I'm just gonna copy the one I posted in my Multiply. Some of you may have already read it but who cares :)) I'm gonna add some things anyway since I haven't been online for like two days straight! Would you believe? Haha! Yay me! I don't believe it :)) and Im gonna copy the blog I wrote on my MySpace blog but no one reads that so.. :p See how lazy I am :)) Haha! But hey, I edited this! :p

First week of being a sophomore student has been treating me well. I always get to class early and I hope it will stay like that for the rest of the year. :)) Being late can be really stressing. Trust me, I know. LMAO. Last Wednesday and Friday, I only have one class which was ORALCOM for 8:10-9:10 =)) I love the prof, he's soooo... gay! Haha. I think he's still not in the mood to teach so for the first two meetings(WF) so he just talked.. like A LOT about random things. LMAO. :)) It's fun though. He started his lesson kanina and it went well. LOL. It was really fun! He's really funny. Especially his laugh, it's like a villain laugh but in a funny way. Lol, I can't explain it. :))

Lots of things had happened over the weekend. After the first day of class, everything pretty much went to normal. I'd prefer being in school and be my normal self rather than stay at home, be a slob and be sad. :)) Cos I noticed that every time I don't have anything to do and I do the same things over and over again like a routine, makes me sad and feel bad. It makes me remember of things way back. I think about a lot of things and sometimes it makes me crazy.. in a bad way. :)) But not really bad, it just makes me really sad and nostalgic :]]

Sooo yeah, I had my first night class last Thursday. It was tiring waiting for that class cos we don't know what we should/could do in that 6-hour break. Thursday classes are really whoa cos I was in school from 8am to 8pm. Time went really slow that day. :)) Night class yo :]] It's BASICOM and I'm with my friends anyway so it's alll good. There are only like 18 of us in the class and I basically know everyone except for four people. :]] But it was fun, first meeting was but I don't know about the coming weeks. I'm looking forward to it though.





Pictures are from Cerisse. All in between BASICOM and after class. SDA building yo. :]] Tahimik at walang matambayan. :[ Unlike in Main, there's Plaza V. and Study Area. And other places. Malayo din sa mga kainan like KFC, Mcdo and Jollibee. And UM. And.. yeah. :]] I miss the Main building! Lol. But I really missed Taft! LOL.

I also had my first Saturday class which I totally had a hard time accepting. :)) But I had to take it or else I will be underload and I don't want that. It was okay though since I know a lot of people there and the class will be less boring since it is History of Art and Design. :)) And it was like the class was in an aquarium! :)) Since SDA's classroom designs are different but in a good way I think, uhh.. architecturically(whoa what a word! Where the hell I got that? Imbento! Haha.), we were in the classroom where one side is glassed. So people from the outside can really see us. :]] Butttttttttt, the prof wasn't there! We waited for one hour just to make sure cos after that it will already be a free cut. We all went for that 3-hour class and there's no proffff! And to think I only had one class for that day! Sayang sa gas :))

In other news, I'm turning a year older tomorrow! So well, what do I think about it? Nothing really. Nothing much will change anyway. I mean, I will just turn a year older but I will still be me :)) It's not like I'm gonna transform into a whole new human being or something, right? I will still go to school tomorrow. I will still be crazy and nice(Haha! But it's true! =p Right? Haha). I will still have the same crazy laugh and I will still be cute. HAHA! =)) Because if I won't be, I won't be Cha. :]] We'll be going to TriNoMa tomorrow to have dinner and I will be celebrating my birthday on Saturday with my HS friends I think and if ever, family friends. So yeah. I guess when you get older, you really don't care what will be given to you although you hope! LOL. Well that's just me. I just want my 17th birthday to be a happy one. And that'll be enough. :]

And oh, I was scared in my P.E. class awhile ago cos don't know people there, that's what I thought. And it's not like I'm scared of other people, it's just that I'm scared going out of my comfort zone. I'm working on that though. So my friends went with me and luckily, I know a few people, we're not close though, they're just familiar faces and one was one of my blockmates in my class last term. So I just had to be friendly. :)) And so I talked to my high school classmate's friend, who has a different major as mine, but might as well talk to her since I noticed she didn't know anyone from the class too. Good thing I remembered her :)) And my prof was my prof in PEFORTS(Basketball) back in 2nd term and he remembered me :)) So I guess it won't be that bad. :p I went back to the SDA building by myself(and I'm proud! Haha cos I'm used to have someone with me) and I found my brother sleeping in the lobby. ROFL. No kidding! He was sitting there and his mouth was slightly open and people were beside him but he didn't care at all. LMAO. Nakakahiya! I just laughed at him LOL. And I went up to get parking tickets and anyone from SDA would agree that the elevator comes in like 48 years so I had to wait for almost 15 minutes or so just to get on a not so full elevator. :)) So he had to wait again. He thought I only had one class! :)) So we left school and I persuaded him to go to National Bookstore since I need to buy something. And we're both hungry so we ate. :)) So yeah.

So far, I like my classes. There's only one class left which I haven't met the prof cos classes started last Wednesday and tomorrows Tuesday soooo...... ye. :] You get it. :))

Current LSS: Thunder by Boys Like Girls

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Who loves Marié Digby?

I'm lazyyy so I copied this from my Multiply.

I watched Marié Digby's live webcast concert at DeepRockDrive.com! ULTIMATE FRONT ROW SEAT!!! Hahaha. Loved it. It amazed me how DeepRockDrive was able to do the webcast thing without me even lagging. Well except for some times when my lan cable got unplugged. BAH. But it was okay. I was so excited :)) Hahaha. I slept earlier then woke up, only had 3 hours of sleep. Then took a nap for like 30 minutes while waiting.

I love Marié Digby! I love her songssss! Don't youuu? :] She's so pretty. Very beautiful inside and out. Very talented. Yayyy. Her album's on my list. I rarely buy albums nowadays but if the album is worth the price then why not. So yeah. It lasted for an hour. I really felt the communication! THOUSANDS of people were there I guess. I saw Peter Park's(the guy who won Marié's contest) shout out too. Haha. Very cool. Aweeee-someee! :]] There were lots of Filipinos too. I typed in "come to the Philippines!" or was it Manila? Hahaha. But anyway, Marié read it! HAHA. If it's me or not me, still at least she got the message from her Filipino fans. :p I hope to see more live webcast concertsssss! :D

I screencapped like crazyyy. Lemme share to you one screencap of the concert.





If you wanna see more, go to my Multiply account. It's only for contacts though so if you're not on my contacts, you won't be able to see it. Sooo! Add me! :]] Haha.

I had this set list copied from Anna's multiply.

SET LIST:
1. Fool
2. Say it again
3. Stupid for you
4. Umbrella
5. Miss invisible
6. Spell
7. Girlfriend
8. Paint me in your sunshine
9. Better off alone
10. Beauty in walking away
11. Unfold

Yay I thought she won't sing UNFOLD anymore! Glad she did! Love that song! :] Miss Invisible as well! I loveloveloveee her songs! :]

And as you can seeee.. I have a new layout! Haha. I like it. Because it has Marié Digby on it and as well as the lyrics to her song which I love, Say it Again. :] It's so pinkkk. LOL. I re-did this layout cos I realized I didn't like the first version much. This is wayyy better. What do you thinkkkk? :] I upped this a little late. YA. A "little". Haha. I said I'll upload this on the 19th but I did it on the 20th. :]]] It's cos I went out. YAY. I'm glad! I had a life today. Hahaha. Went somewhere, then to National Bookstore Quezon Avenue, then to BK stayed there for like 3 hours, then went to fetch my dad at the airport. I got home at 1am. I didn't think I'd come home that late so yaaa. K. :]]

OHHH. I'll make this a short one cos tomorrow's school already! Can you believe it? CAN YOUUUU? Schoolmates? Haha. SHOCKS. Too early. And I will go somewhere later. I hafta go to sleep early! I have lots of undone things that I need to do. SO YA. :]

Oh btw, I'm not using Haloscan for my comments anymore. I'm using the Blogger one. :]

I'm in love!

I just finished coding my next layout which will be up on the 19th. I was supposed to upload it today but just to make this layout up for one month, I moved it to the 19th. Just before class starts. :]




That's just a teaser of what my next layout will look like. :]] It's Marie Digby's Say It Again. Oh I just remembered, I have a free seat on her webcast concert on the 19th 6AM(Philippine time). Didn't notice that :p

Anyway, 3 days till school starts. T_T OMGZ. My summer has been boring. If not for some late night DVD series marathons with my brothers, my summer would have been ultimately boring. And also, of course, if not for Hana Kimi and Wu Chun, it would have been ultimately uber boring. LOL. Wu Chun is my pretend boyfriend. LOL. I guess he is everyone's pretend boyfriend.


With that face?! With that effin' pretty face? Who wouldn't want him as a pretend boyfriend? Hahahaha. Whatever his face looks, he still looks pretty. :]]] I'm in love! Hahaha! Sobrang takaw niya and vain! Iloveit!♥ Haha! :] I will feature him in one of my layouts someday. Maybe after my next layout. :] I love Asian dudes with cool hair and fashion style! Well, someone like him. Haha. :D AYAYYY. Kung may ganyan lang dito oh.. OMGZ. *faints* Hahaha. Jiro Wang is cute too. I love it when he smiles. And so as Danson Tang. :D Pretty faces. But like what my former schoolmate said, "The probability of meeting someone life him in our ordinary lives is...What do you think?" So what do you think? :]] Hahaha. I guess someone like Wu Chun will just forever be a dream, yes? I mean he's like every girl's dream guy. LOL. I mean, no not 'every'.. but you get what I mean. :] Well, you do, do you? Haha. :]]

Anyway, I'm just watching YouTube videos about Hana Kimi, Ella/Chun, Fahrenheit. Anything about them. LOL.

I hope I won't stay up too long here since we'll be going somewhere later. I'm having sleep problems. Yesterday, I slept at around 12mn. I woke up at 3am because the freakin' controller fell from my bed and it made a really loud sound. AGH. And after that, I couldn't sleep anymore. T_T I hate it when that happens. -__-

SO YEAH. K BYE. :]

You'll always be a fart to me.

Heyyyy! Just some updates. :] So it's exactly 8 days before school starts! YAY! Hello, sophomore year! Deym, time flies by reallll fast. It's gonna be all school work now beybbb! At least I have something to worry about and think about and yeah. I guess I like it better when there's school. I got things to do and I don't bore myself. I dunno but since college, I just want to go to school. Hahaha. Srsly! You know during HS when classes get suspended cos of some typhoons or other reasons, I get really happy cos there's no school. But now? I feel otherwise. Haha. Weird. But I think that's good. I love learning new things. Better yet, I love education. :]

Anyway, this one month summer has been treating me so-so. I felt different things. I felt melancholic, nostalgic, happy, and other kind of stuff. I, once again, learned new things. I guess that's something inevitable in life. Of course. We're here to learn, right? And those things we learn make us discover who we are. I've just realized a lot of things. Like, how things can change especially feelings, like 7 years ago you may not like someone but 7 years later you realize you feel something 'different' towards that someone; how you can terribly miss someone so bad(yeah, terrible na bad pa haha); how you can feel really stupid after getting mad angry about something and the next day you realize you were just totally carried away of what happened; how you get sad when you think that that someone was once yours but now is living another kind of life far from yours; and other things I can't put into words. There are just some things that's fairly impossible to happen now yet you still hope that those things will come back to the way it used to be. It sucks like that.

Also I have come to think that no matter what, no matter how many years have passed or how many things may have changed, I will always be that person's number one. I will always be that first. I should be thankful that we're still friends. And I'm glad that that person still keeps me updated about the things happening in his life. If you think this is some 'ex', no it's not. I haven't had any boyfriend since birth, it's just some 'past' thingy. OY. HAHA. Boink, drama much? LOL. I don't wanna elaborate more, that person MIGHT read this. Stupid, I gave him the URL of this blog. Who knows, haha, I just don't want that person to know YET. If ever I plan on telling that person someday. Maybe. So yeah, I just never thought I'd feel like this, that's why. LOL.

So enough of that. :p I went to school yesterday to get an adjustment form and a deferred payment plan. My course adjustment schedule is on the 16th, Friday! OMGZ. Cerisse and I doesn't have the same schedule! I should've went to school last Friday! BAH. I'm gonna add one subject since I'm underload and I don't want that. The only schedule I saw that will fit my already encoded sched is the Tuesday&Thursday sched for CATHWOR(Catholic Worship) subject which is. 2:40-4:10.... OMGZ. I just realized that it doesn't fit at all! HAHAHAHA. I thought it was a one day schedule. DEYM. WHAT A BUMMER. I have a Tuesday class 2:45-5:45! I just checked my sched again, OMGZ. WTHWTHWTH. Cerisseeeee, what naaaa? :o Take FREHAND? Hahaha. SHOCKS. SHOCKERRRR. Mannnn. :]]]]]] Why didn't I check my sched earlier? Stupid! :)) Grr. Okay, wait, imma calm myself down. Haha.

So yeah. I didn't know that yesterday was the FOP(Frosh Orientation Program)! Haha. I went and I didn't know. I wanna be an orientor next year for incoming frosh. It's fun really! Haha. Oh well. My mom and my brother went inside the SDA building, by the way. Haha. My brotha parked in the carpark, LOLZ. The guard asked him, "Estudyante po?" He said, "Graduate na." HAHAHA! Too bad I wasn't able to like tour them around since we're going somewhere after. Maybe on Friday. They said they'll just stay in the cafeteria. And oh yessss I got to wear slippers inside the SDA building! Hahaha. Slippers are banned inside our campus. If you get caught, uh-oh, hello Disciplinary Office! I got caught once in the main building. Bah. :]] Never wore slippers since then :]] After school, we went to my brother's school since he'll get a form to get his Transcript of Records and Diploma. He just graduated last March so I'm the only one left in the family studying. Yayyy. Then we ate at KFC then went to Ortigas to fetch my brother's girlfriend from work.

AND we got home at around 10pm! WTH. It's sooooo traffic! We were in the QC Circle at around 7pm? But we were almost there for like an hour! I just slept. Haha. It's prolly because of the transport strike. People were walking in the streets, bunch of them! Walang masakyan. Yay. To think it's raining, so hassle! I think it's good that I haven't been in front of the PC for one whole day. Natiis ko. Hahaha.

Anyway that's it for now. I'm trying to figure out why I can't view blogspot sites. Google keeps on telling that it's "404 FORBIDDEN". WTH? Some virus crap daw. Blah. Why do you think it's like that? Grabe, napahaba nanaman post ko. Betta get going before this gets longer than this already long one, haha. :]

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go

--
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely

On a lot of things. :)

Some things here, I've already said on my previous post but this one's from my Multiply blog I just posted today. Might as well post it here. :) BTW, I mentioned below that I want to change my layout, but I dunno. The blog part of the site has small width, which makes it hard for people to read. Whaddyathink?

ON BEING A BUM:
I need to stop being a bum in front of the pc all the time. I'm hating it already. Doing the same things all over again. Though I'm having fun with Photoshop, it's not all I do. I turn to MySpace, Facebook and Friendster all the time. Especially Facebook and MySpace! BOO! It's so damn addicting! And this blog, I get lazy updating it. I feel like I wanna change the layout again. I have one ready, already coded and all that, but I'm just too lazy.

ON GOING OUT:
Now I need to go out. I wanna go out with my gerlssss. Deym I need to talk to them! As in NEED. Lots of things I wanna tell them. o_o And I miss my high school friends. If one of you are reading thisssss! OMGZ! Let's go out! :( I'm missing them badlyyyyy. Supasupasupafriends, haven't hung out with y'all for quite some time now. Makes me sad. :(

ON DVDS:
I need to buy DVDs, the series of Gossip Girl and the O.C. Koreanovelas too! Like Hana Kimi, and other good stuff. You know other Koreanovelas that you can call 'good stuff' you can recommend me?

ON BOOKS:
I also need to buy the books I've been wanting to read for the whole past year. Like the last Harry Potter book. I'm a loser for not having one yet. The Twilight series! Migadddd, I've watched the trailer and it's so effin' awesome. 12/12, Twilighters! And this year's also the release of the last book in the series. Other good books to recommend, people?

ON PROJECTS:
And I also need to finish the website I've been doing for the past weeks. BAH. I dunno, it's just that whenever I think, I get headaches. LOL. I like thinking though.

ON THINGS:
AND.. I like preoccupying myself with thingssss to do.

ON TIME:
Man, time is running out. School's almost near, atleast for me. Cos yknow how time flies by real fast? Yeah. Yeaa. Boohoo.

ON ACDC:
Lately, we[yeah, Cerisse included hahaha] have been obsessing with ACDC[Adam/Chu Dance Crew]. And their shirt's on sale now!!! Mr. Chu made it available werrldwide! Butttt, it's worth effin' $21.70, shipping included! Whathebuckkk! I don't have that kind of money. I even told my friend from Cali to buy me an ACDC shirt, his gift for my birthday! He said, "haha maybe". I was kidding though. But I was kidding! I just hope he's not reading this. LOL. Yeah right, like the ACDC shirts are selling like hotcakes. LOL. Last time I checked, there are only two pieces left. I just hope they print more! So by that time, I already have money to buy it cos I just spent my money on online shopping in Multiply! LOL. The ACDC shirts are for charity anyways! But Cerisse messaged Mr. Chu if we can print ACDC shirts here in the Phils., we made our own designs. But he didn't reply, he just read it. Booooo. Maybe it's bcos they made it available worldwide and he of course, assumed that the info already spread on us, so no need to reply. Soo even if we'll have our own ACDC shirts printed... STILL! I want their ACDC sherrrt! FOREALLLZ! I wanna be part of the crew. Hahaha! That's what Adam Sevani said on his bulletin on MySpace! "Be part of the crew." That's why I'm loving MySpace. You get to talk to them! Like Cerisse, he got to talk with Harry Shum, Jr.(Cable on Step Up 2)! HAHAHAHA! Anyways, nuff with the ACDC talk. My brother told me I'm obsessed wit dem already. And so as my friend from Cali. So I guess, I am obsessed with them! Haha.

ON YOUTUBE:
Does anyone of you know Nigahiga of YouTube? HAHAHA! His vids are sooo funny! The result of boredom I guess. But heck, he's got like a million views for every video he have on his channel! He's got like 271,450 subscribers! Include me on that. Haha. PLUS! He's cute btw! :p Hahaha. Youtube crush, LOLZ! I've also subscribed on Jon M. Chu's YTube channel and as well as the Miley&Mandy Show. And I'm wonderin', what's up with singing and ukeleles in the U.S.? I dunno, it's like very popular. I love this one though, Windward Skies cover. Thanks to my friend for showing that to me. And I saw this very kawaii video too called Animal Idol. Yeah, an American Idol for animals. Lol. So maybe you figured out what I do whenever I'm online. I just don't get how I can spend my whole day just doing all these. Sux000.

ON MUSIC:
I just realized my taste for music has uhmm, how do you put it, broaden? I dunno, I just like listening to country songs lately. Thanks to MySpaceeeee! I just realized how I love praise songs too. Hillsong United will be having a concert here on the 26th! A day just before my berrrrthdayyym. I would love to see them live. And oh, I love hearing old school songs lately! It lights me up, brings a smile to my face. Imma download Backstreet Boys songs. What other good old songs are there? Make me remember. :D And I had my seat reserved on Marie Digby's online concert on the 19th, 6am, our time. That's veryyy early so I have to like get up at around 5am. I bet there'll be a massive site traffic. I just hope my PC won't crash. I want to buy her album! As well as Taylor Swift's album. I heard her songs on MS and I loved it. Anywaysss...


ON AGE:
I feel like I'm 17 already. HAHA. :)) I still have 19 days left to enjoy my sweeeettt 16. Was it sweet? Ionnooo. LOL.

ON AMERICAN IDOL:
Top 4 finalists are the 2 Davids, Syesha and Jason Castro. After their performance? I bet Jason Castro will go. So top 3 are the 2 Davids and Syesha. My top 2? The 2 Davids. David Archuleta and David Cook. Whoever wins, it's okay. They're both good. :)

ON REALITY:
Reality slapped me once again on my face! LIKE IT ALWAYS DOES! :)) After I read Anna's S-S.org blog! Haha. Ooh, Imma post this on my blogspot too. I need to like, update that from my random blahs.

ON RENZ:
I'm sorry I wasn't able to give to you your vectorrrr! Haha. Sorry talagaaaa! But you can wait more right? Hehe. Thanks Renzzyyy! :)

The weak week.

WARNING: Long post ahead. :p

Okay so it's been almost one week since I updated my blog. WTH I can't believe it's already May 1! OHGOSH. May 21 pasok na namin!!! BAH. I should finish the things I need to do and want, as well. :p I need to go to school on days 14-17, whenever during that week for course adjustment. I don't wanna be underload! Grr. I want to watch DVDs which I haven't been able to buy yet and read books like Twilight. Yeaaa. I still have like 91 days to read all three books before the last book comes. Hahaha. I saw the movie behind the scenes and some fan-made trailers and it's all awesome. I'm getting excited though I haven't read the book yet. I mean, it's a romantic vampire story, who wouldn't want that? Everyone is like in love with Edward and Bella. Hahaha. Today's my brother's girlfriend birthday and yesterday we bought gifts for her. So I suggested my brother to give her a book. We were supposed to buy the new Nicholas Sparks book since she said she'll buy it, might as well give her the book. But it wasn't available in that National Bookstore branch. So we bought another book which is, Twilight. Wah, if I get my pay I'd surely splurge my money on books but still save something for erm, things I need in school later on.

Last week, I was having a hard time. It wasn't my week last week, I was just really sad. No, actually I wasn't. I was moody! Sobrang nakakainis kasi sobra yung mood swings. One minute I'm happy, then another I'm sad. I hated it. It got to the point where I cannot feel anything anymore. I cried because of that. I'd rather feel anything, even pain, than not feeling anything at all. I felt dead. But the next day which is Monday, I had this dream. Imma paste this from my Multiply.

I woke up earlier than what I expected, I thought it was already 11 am, but I looked at the clock and it was still quarter to 9am. So I turned on the PC, checked my myspace, friendster, facebook, multiply, mail and blog hopped. I DLed songs and..

My mom, someone else I don't know who and I were talking and suddenly, I couldn't speak. I tried so hard to speak but I couldn't. Tapos na-realize ko may nakabara sa throat ko so tinanggal ko. That was really weird. When I did, I started to bleed. Nagsusuka na ako ng dugo. Then I didn't know what to do. And my nose also started to bleed. I was helpless. I asked God for help, I prayed really hard. And I was thinking if I should go to the hospital already or what, but I thought it would end soon. But it didn't. All I can see is red blood. I thought I was dying! I called my friends using my phone and we went to see each other. I texted Jesy, she told me to go to FEU-NRMF then find her there. I said, "it's too late."

Then I woke up.

It's weird cos I rarely experience dreams in my sleep. When I woke up, I can still remember the feeling of not being able to speak. But I thank God that it was all just a dream. I was freaked out! I was really freaked out. It got me thinking through out the day even the meaning of it. I searched for a dream dictionary online since I don't know where our old dream dictionary is.


Blood

To see blood in your dream, represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments. If you see the word "blood" written in your dream, then it may refer to some situation in your life that is permanent and cannot be changed.

To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends. Your past actions has come back to haunt you.

Throat

It shows considerable powers of imagination and signifies a successful venture.

Nose

Instinctive knowledge. It reflects great powers of imagination and creativity, but also difficult relations with a partner.

Red

This is an indication of great passion and sensitivity in your emotional relationships.

Help

To dream that you are calling or signaling for help, suggests that you are feeling lost, overwhelmed, and/or inadequate.

Helpless

To dream that you are or feel helpless, suggests that you are experiencing difficulties in confronting a situation or relationship. You feel that you are unable to take charge of yourself.

Silence

To dream that you are silent, indicates an inability to express yourself. You may feel inhibited in voicing your opinion and how you really feel.

So that's it. Maybe that's what I'm feeling for the past week that I couldn't exactly explain what. What my dream meant was actually true in my reality.

So yeah, but I'm better now compared last week. Way way better. Going out helped a lot.

Speaking of going out, mom, dad, my brother and his girlfriend went to a Jap restaurant along Panay Avenue to eat last Tuesday. There, we talked about the past, how we got here, why we went here, and everything back then.

So now I know the real reason why we moved here to Manila from Cotabato.

I was born in Cotabato City but I am in Manila for like 11 years already. Almost half my life so basically, I grew up in Manila. Quezon City, specifically. I was 6 when we moved here. Before, I thought the reason why we moved here is bcos of my brothers who then has a band. They had an album and their song became a hit. So the recording company, which is Polycosmic Records then but Universal Records now, said they should come to Manila already. So we did. And they did TV guestings and all that. I was with them all the way. It was such a challenge moving here cos when we moved, we had no house at all! And our furnitures and all are still in the ship. LOL. That was around April 1999, a month after I graduated kindergarten.

Back in Cotabato, business was really good. Meron kaming video games store(all over Cotabato), movie rentals(back when vhs tapes and laser discs were very popular haha) store and an all-in-one bar, restaurant, club, videoke named after my name. LOL. Business was really doing well. Kami yung unang may ganun dun. Hindi pa tapos yung construction, pina-open na. Lots of artists went there like Manilyn Reynes, UMD Dancers, Streetboys, Yano, etc etc etc. I can't remember though cos I was still young. Nung in-open yun, sobrang dami raw ng tao. Naubusan pa ng food and beer. LOL. Tapos may mga G.R.O. pa daw, hahahaha! And they held contests there like dance contests, costume contest every Halloween and all that. Pinauso din dun yung Ladies Night which is every Wednesday, Ballroom night, and etcetera. Yung restaurant, sobrang okay yung food. I remember nakaakyat pa ako sa kitchen. Yung videoke, may 5 private videoke rooms and a big videoke room outside it. The 5 videoke rooms were all named after our Zodiac Signs: Aquarius, Capricorn, Gemini, Taurus, and Libra. Lahat yun nasa isang building. It's a big lot cos from what I remember, it's only one floor. Tumugtog din dun mga kuya ko. Then dad told us na nabilib yung manager ng isang band na nakasabay nila kuya and sinabi niya, "Grabe, malayo mararating nito." Tapos masayang-masaya sila after kasi may sweldo sila, 50 pesos! Pero mind you, malaki na yun nung time na yun.

Though business was really good, my parents had been receiving death threats even before the bar was opened. Three all in all. Two before the bar was opened, and another one when it was already opened.. I guess. Basta tatlo. They didn't mind it. Hindi sila nagbigay ng kung anong money kahit na pinagbantaan na ng kidnap and all those shits. 50k ang hinihingi nun. To think, malaki na yung ganung amount dati dba? The military said na wag magbigay. Yeah, we had military escorts. I was like, whoa! "Parang secret service, haha.". They showed the first two letter threats to the military and so ayun. Kinekwento ng mom ko na looking back, parang nakakahiya daw na may sumusunod sa'yo na military kahit san magpunta. Kahit mag-grocery lang or what. Hindi ko matandaan yun, seriously. Of course, bata pa ako.

Dun pa nabaril yung asawa nung auntie ko, kapatid ng mom ko. He was just outside then a drive-by happened. I still remember that! I was in the hallway, just near outside, talking to my brother and mom. Then we heard the gun shots. Then bam! Ayun. Grabe yun. Dun na kami natulog. Sa videoke lounge. To think that all of us were there! My cousins, my brothers, everyone. Grabe yun.

I don't know when the third death threat came, before or after the incident, but it involves us, the children. Sabi dun, alam kung saan kami nag-aaral and all that. E natakot na si mommy, so sinabi niya kay dad na umalis na kami dun. E sakto, okay ang band nila kuya, may album tapos sakto pinapapunta sila dito sa Manila. So ayun, we've been here ever since. Hindi kami bumalik dun for like I don't know how many years. Mga year 2005 yata nung bumalik kami.

But even though, those were the good times. Mga Christmas Party ng clan nun, hindi ko naabutan talaga. Tapos yung bawat branch ng movie rental and video games shop namin may presentation. That was fun. I can still remember that. Sumayaw kami nun e. Kaming magpipinsan, younger ones. I was like 3 or 4 that time. Haha!

But hands down to my parents that they were able to handle all that. Nung lumipat kami dito, dala-dala nila aside from us, their children, are my four cousins(included din sa band) and my uncle, my mom's youngest brother. Alala ko nagpupunta kami ng ABS-CBN nun at kung saan-saan. Mall tours, bars and all. Those days when bars were really really popular. So bata pa lang ako, mahilig na ako magpuyat. Haha. Naalala ko dun sila sa Art's Venue sa Taft tumutugtog dati. Karamihan ng big bands that time, andun. And they were the youngest of all. Sobrang hanga ako sa mga kuya ko e. They have the talent. They have the gadgets every band would want to have. And with just one incident and should I say, person, BAM! Nasira lahat. Banda, pati na rin pagsasamahan ng fam, ALMOST. At least hindi totally. But we can't do anything about that anymore. Those were the past. It was just fun reliving all those. And I bet we learned a lot from that, all of us.

Thank God, walang nangyaring kahit ano sa 'min.
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BTW. Do you know about the Biggest Online Dance Battle in YouTube? Holymoleeyyy, ACDC(Adam/Chu Dance Crew) PWNED Miley&Mandy BIGTIME. WTFWTF ACDC's awesomeee! They got JABBAWOCKEEZZZ!!! And Brianna Evigan, Rob Hoffman, LL, Amanda Bynes, Britanny Snow, Chris Scott, Chris Brown babyyyy! WTH. Though M&M got Channing Tatum, Crumbs, and other good dancers, FO SHOOO M&M GOT PWNED! :)) If you don't know what this is, watch this. BUT FIRST, watch the video that started it all. And the video response which got 3 million views. WATCH. THE BIGGEST ONLINE DANCE BATTLE IN YOUTUBE HISTORY. They'll rock your socks man! Haha. Can't wait what M&M Cru will come up with.